The (feminist) truth about Taj Mahal

You may well have heard of the ‘Taj Mahal’. Anyway google on that term now and you will find plenty of material to study. The wikipedia entry begins with:

“The Taj Mahal,  meaning “Crown of the Palace”, is an ivory-white marble mausoleum on the south bank of the Yamuna river in the Indian city of Agra. It was commissioned in 1632 by the Mughal emperorShah Jahan (reigned from 1628 to 1658), to house the tomb of his favourite wife, Mumtaz Mahal. The tomb is the centrepiece of a 17-hectare (42-acre) complex, which includes a mosque and a guest house, and is set in formal gardens bounded on three sides by a crenellated wall.”

The central theme of the story of the construction of the Taj Mahal is generally one of romance, combined with accounts of the massive technical and logistic task of building such a structure at that point in history.

But in terms of romance, this fable is most often said to be about a man utterly devoted to the memory of the woman he loved (pictured below). Sweet. But I knew that there had to be more to it than that. I need the truth. I had to find the feminist perspective. So back to google and this time I typed “taj mahal feminism” into the search field. 

My first stop was ‘Feminism and Taj Mahal – Nothing about love‘, snippets of which included:

“Unfortunately, this was not the only and will not be surely the last case of sub-human and maltreatment of a woman but glorified nation wide”

“As a nation, Indians choose to not only ignore but also glorified and connived in the perpetration of crime against woman.”

“In this case we do not care to challenge the stereotype of ‘love’ or ‘devoted good woman’ propaganda by eminent historians, scholars and fringe groups. Led by ‘biased and fixed’ and apparently immunized in favour of pervasive social malpractices, our political class also rave and rant it as a ‘love symbol’.”

And on and on it went. I knew it. Clearly this was a female experience that went way beyond oppression. One that had been sanitised by wave after wave of patriarchal running dogs (historians).

Next up was ‘The awfully unromantic Taj Mahal‘, snippets of which included:

“engaged to him when she was merely 14” … “To be the number one pick of a man’s harem, surely is not any woman’s idea of romance” … “was she only a detached vagina and womb, a sex toy to him, and not a real person whose body, health and welfare would register in his consciousness in any way?”

And we could read on as there’s plenty more tomes of wisdom such as these, but most likely by now the clouds of confusion have parted. That poor girl. That beastly man.

Well anyway, whether this be a fable of romance or something much more sinister, what’s the bet that a man never has, and never will, build a structure like the Taj Mahal for a feminist.

Should feminists wish to loudly cheer that proposition, then by all means they should go ahead and do so.

I pity them. And there’s a good chance that, sooner or later, that’s a feeling they’ll come to recognise.

Romance-tourism is just nothing like sex-tourism

In one of those rare idle moments I happened to google on ‘sex tourism eat pray love’ and this is one of the first articles that came up:

Rhonda and Ketut as the faces of female sex tourism, by Nigel Bowen (22 Jan 2013)

Yes, don’t be shocked but it’s been claimed that many women mix with local men whilst enjoying their holidays. But relax, because it’s so so different to that nasty sex-tourism thing that men do. I mean it’s not like the boys are prostitutes or anything, and it does seem fair that if they take time off work to show you around then a lady would buy them a meal or small gift. Or two.

Still those MRA scumbags rubbish anything that women value. So how have other feminists explained these very special holiday experiences?

When women pay men for sex, it doesn’t have the same social effect because there is no history of women enslaving men” (Source)

““female sex tourism” oversimplifies the motives of these women and that “romance tourism” explains the complex nature of what these women are engaging themselves in while involved in romance tours. They also explain that the expression “female sex tourism”, “serves to perpetuate gender roles and reinforce power relations of female subordination, romance tourism in Jamaica provides an arena for change” (Source)

“Once, sometimes twice, a month I meet up with Justin, a 36-year-old divorcé. We go out for a meal and maybe to a club before spending the night in a hotel … But what differentiates our dates from the norm is that I pay for Justin’s company, including having sex with him” (Source)

‘They want to be stimulated throughout the body’: Bali Gigolos share their secrets (7 May 2017)

Racketeering Refugees: What the Million Marching Pussyhatters Really Want? (28 January 2017)

Female seks tourism (26 November 2016)

Confessions of an Australian male escort: ‘I don’t just get booked for sex’ (9 September 2016)

Lonely Women Paying For Men’s Company (12 August 2016) Video

‘European Sugar Mamas’ – Women sex tourists in Kenya (29 July 2016) Reddit discussion thread

The women who hire male escorts (1 February  2014)

Wealthy Older Women Are Hiring Men In Kenya To Romance Them (22 October 2014)

http://travel.ninemsn.com.au/holidaytype/weird/7942963/cougar-prowl-female-sex-tourism-hotspots

http://www.rachelrabbitwhite.com/women-who-buy-sex-the-secret-life-of-jane/

http://harlotsparlour.com/2010/08/23/women-do-buy-sex/

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/why-do-women-pay-for-sex-20131209-2z11k.html

Feminists aiming to strengthen their foothold in Thailand

July 2014 saw an unusual spate of pro-feminist articles appear in the Thai media, suggesting a concerted effort to raise the profile of feminism there. I first noticed this article in the Bangkok Post, one of the two main English-language newspapers in Thailand. It used a recent terrible crime (rape and murder of a young girl) as a vehicle to bang the feminism drum in a country that is wonderfully thus far relatively free of the feminist yoke.

Next I came across this article in a popular regional English-language magazine. It discussed a feminist get-together in Chiang Mai, Thailand. The author of that article, Hilary Cadigan, subsequently wrote a follow-up OpEd in response to comments from readers including myself.

On 27 July 2014 the Bangkok Post published an editorial entitled ‘Feminism is not a dirty word‘, which was followed only a few days later by ‘Australia’s ‘hidden’ abusive migrant marriages‘.

That latter article appeared to greatly exaggerate the risk to Asian women in relation to marrying foreign men. Feminist scare tactics like this are ten percent motivated by a desire to protect the welfare of a small minority of Thai women potentially vulnerable to exploitation, and ninety percent about punishing western men who reject feminist-indoctrinated women as partners. (See this post as to one possible reason why)

Some might say “well perhaps Thailand is a country that could benefit from feminism?“. Well yes and no, but mostly no.

Firstly, and by way of background, I am fortunate to be somewhat familiar with the country and its people. I am also aware of the views of western women regarding Thailand, via personal discussions and many years of scanning media and online sources including expat fora. Whilst there are Thai feminists, online discussion and English-language media coverage is driven by female western expats who rankle at the nature of society here. Whilst a few are sensitive and understanding of the nuances of Thai culture, the vast majority are not. Indeed, the depth of Thai experience of too many western commentators is limited to media coverage of sex-trafficking and prostitution, and perhaps a stroll along Pattaya’s Walking Street during a brief holiday stopover.

Unsurprisingly, Thai society does have its share of negative features. As in the west, some of these  impact disproportionately against girls and women, some impact disproportionately against men and boys, but most affect people of all genders. Chief among this latter group of factors is the huge disparity between rich and poor within Thai society.

I have two concerns, the first of which is the nature of feminism and its potential impact on Thai culture. My second concern is more general and involves those who seek to superimpose western mindsets and ‘solutions’ onto completely different cultures.

The primary vectors for feminism in Thailand are western women working in international organisations (e.g. various UN agencies, World Bank, etc), in a myriad of western NGO’s and charities, and to a lesser extent in the media.

Readers should also recognise that in Thailand, as in many other countries, there is a substantial financial dimension to feminism. This mainly comprises a large ‘rescue’ industry that focuses on ‘helping’ women and girls. Never mind that the majority of people trafficked in Thailand are men working in the fishing and construction labor industries, who are the recipients of negligible assistance (and none whatsoever from feminist organisations). This gender bias by aid organisations is a world-wide phenomenon, and is addressed in this other blog post.

My own view is that feminism (or at least that form of feminism now dominant in western society – ‘gender feminism’) is not the remedy that’s needed to effect lasting positive social change in Thailand. The affect of this pernicious ideology would simply introduce new biases and inequities, whilst further eroding traditional aspects of Thai society worthy of being maintained.

A few background articles that might be of interest are:

Wikipedia entry on feminism in Thailand and on Women in Thailand

Thailand’s SIGI rating

A Reddit discussion thread about the current situation with feminism in South Korea (19 April 2017)

This Reddit discussion thread was created by a Malaysian feminist who, to her credit, was seeking information on mens issues. It is included here as some of the responses may be of interest

Thailand’s first female Prime Minister vs Thai feminists (14 August 2011)

Feminist activists find peace in Thailand (23 July 2010)

(As an aside, I note this last article includes a reader’s comment: “A group of female tourists in Thailand posted their responses to sex tourism in a video, and received some harsh backlash”. Well, gee, western women volunteered some biased and fairly harsh criticism of the behaviour of western men and received some of the same in return. This happens in grown-up society. Instead of childish pouting, why not address the specific points raised?)

letmetellyou

On Australian men seeking foreign partners

Some time ago I bookmarked an article entitled ‘Why overseas women love Aussie men‘. I was intrigued how the writer (a guy, by the way), managed to package a subject that could easily rankle female readers into something quite palatable. The potentially prickly subject he tackled was the phenomenon of men seeking partners from outside Australia.

In fact the author not only made the topic appear benign, but even presented it in a way that might conceivably massage the egos of readers. Part of his strategy was to present the issue as being one of foreign women preferring Australian men, rather than the other way around. Although he did sneak in that cheeky little quip at the end “If only they were more appreciated at home“. “They” being Australian men.

Although the author focused on American women, in fact women from the USA barely make it into the top ten list with regards to those granted partner visas. As you can see from this source, women from various Asian countries (particularly China. the Philippines and Thailand) are far more popular choices. This data is five years old, but numbers have remained steady since then. That doesn’t mean that demand for foreign brides is static however, with further growth in numbers prevented by annual quotas on spouse visas issued by the Australian Government.

I imagine that the reason for the focus on North American women (in the article) was simply to run with the Hollywood/male movie star angle. Another reason though might have been the fact that many western women have a certain ‘thing’ about being second-bested by Asian women. This is usually kept well under wraps, denied even, only to emerge guns blazing under the right set of circumstances (as mentioned in this other blog post).

The writer coyly suggested that the observed attraction to foreign partners was simply due to the ‘grass being greener on the other side of the fence’. It’s an approach that won’t hurt any feelings, as there is no need to acknowledge or reflect upon possible shortcomings on the part of Australian women.

Ah, but can you imagine the furore if the author had taken an alternative approach and asked the question “why are so many Australian men rejecting Australian women as life partners?“. Not that pro-feminist news.com.au would have accepted such an article for publication. Oh the bitter recriminations and backlash about men only wanting ‘submissive slaves’. The shaming remarks like “men who are threatened by independent women!” and “men who couldn’t get a women in their own country!” The horror, the horror. To those reading this and nodding their head to such sentiments … well I can only assume that you have little knowledge of Asian culture or personal experience with mixed-race couples.

I wonder to what extent this trend of Australian men marrying women from non-western backgrounds is due to changes in the attitude and behaviour of Australian women brought about via the pervasive and overdone influence of feminism? Heck, this could be a good topic for a thesis – that is if you could find a university brave enough to sponsor it.

Many thoughtful men in western countries now believe that their choice is limited to a MGTOW lifestyle, celibacy, or life as a purse-pooch/walking ATM (i.e. resigning themselves to the increasingly anti-male strictures of the society in which they live). For these folks an epiphany sometimes occurs upon exposure to life and relationships within a culture where feminist ideology, as we now know it in the west, has yet to take root. I think this is fairly evident in some of the references linked to this post about cross-cultural marriages. That blog post also addresses the negative bias and stereotyping directed at men seeking foreign partners as reflected in articles such as this. As one reader aptly noted:

“This is Scott Morrison and the Coalition playing dog-whistle politics again. Let’s not focus upon the thousands upon thousands of successful cross-cultural marriages that enrich Australian society – that would be a good news story! – let’s focus on a trivially small number of cases (exactly 2 were cited by Morrison) where an ambitious sugar-daddy seeks his naive, young asian bride. This is just pandering to small-minded racists who operate on simplistic stereotypes. This only increases the stigma against intercultural couples.

I’m angry about this because I’ve experienced this first hand. As an Anglo-Australian who has married an Asian seven years younger than me, I’m aware of the stereotypes that are directed our way. Nevermind that we are happily married, never had an argument and share everything together. This is something my brother, who has a partner 11 years his junior doesn’t have to go through because she’s Anglo-Australian too (Nor did my parents who were also separated by 10 years age gap.) This is simply a double standard based on race that society, and especially Scott Morrison needs to build a bridge and get over.

I have many friends who are in happy, loving, cross-cultural relationships. Unlike other couples we have to go through the rigours of laying our personal lives bare to the Immigration Department – who I can assure you are very thorough. Then after that we have to go through this nonsense. Scott Morrison should stop playing politics with people’s relationships and Governments should butt out of marriage. It’s nothing to do with them.”

What a pity most western feminist-influenced women don’t do introspection. Introspection seems to have gone the way of empathy.

And as for listening to what men say … pfff! As high-profile feminist turned MRA, Warren Farrell, famously stated “In our society, the sound of men complaining is like nails on a chalkboard“.

See also:

For some social context surrounding the topic of this post perhaps take a look at http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-London/2014/12/09/The-Sexodus-Part-2-Dishonest-Feminist-Panics-Leave-Male-Sexuality-In-Crisis

Sorry, Aussie blokes. American men are better suitors (10 August 2016) Entitled Australian woman thinks Australian men need to ‘lift their game’ to be more worthy. Australian men say “bon voyage, princess”

Aussie woman goes on 130 first dates but zero second dates (11 May 2015)

Why I am for the Importation of Hot Foreign Women (17 February 2015)

Are Australian women really all that bad? (15 July 2011) with 451 readers comments

Don’t talk to me! No wait. Talk to me!

Those of you who have spent time in Asian countries might have noticed a lot of western women reading books in cafes and looking somewhat bored. In various web sites and discussion forums one may read their plaintive cries about feeling “invisible” (e.g. Japan/China) and having trouble finding guys who will give them the attention they feel they deserve.

It would appear that most western guys in Thailand, for example, have little time for western women. Instead they appear to prefer the company of more feminine, laidback (and yes, often more attractive) Thai ladies. And cynics note that I am referring to Thai ladies in general, and not simply bar-girls.

I even read a post the other day where a female expat stated that she was tired of western men in Thailand “disrespecting” western women in the way they pointedly ignore them. Tragic, just tragic.

In my blog post ‘I thought women were meant to be more empathetic‘ I talk about the issue of western women in Thailand flaunting local dress standards. Is this ‘look at me! look at me!’ behaviour in response to the ‘attention deficit mode’ that many western women appear to descend into within days of arrival in Asia? Or is it simply a reflection of a broader attitude of ‘my need to indulge myself trumps your right to have local social mores respected’?

Moving across to India, read about ‘The woman who says that it’s not only men who like to look‘ (24 August 2016)

Why don’t Western men in Asian countries lift their game and jump at the opportunity of approaching western women? Oh wait, they have already tried that back home and were rewarded with looks of disdain or contempt – or even accused of harassment. I can see this is going to be a tough sell.

So what then, you may ask, is the current situation in western countries such as USA, Canada, the UK, and Australia?

Well in the West men are confused, for they are routinely dragged over the coals for alternately either paying too much attention to women, or not enough. Or about the right amount but they are doing it wrong. Oh, and the goalposts regarding the ‘right’ way are continuously being moved.

On that first point, readers would be aware of the surfeit of publicity regarding the unwanted looks and attention that women attract from men, and how such behaviour threatens and disgusts them (example here).

And then every now and then there is an incident that serves as a lightning rod and focus for demands for action. Let’s look at the example of THAT infamous New York street harassment video …

In February 2017 another fake street harassment video emerged … ‘Video of raging female cyclist lashing out at van full of catcalling builders ‘revealed as FAKE’ as company pledges to launch internal probe’

In November 2017 another such fake street harassment video emerged … “Woman attacks man with her breasts for ‘staring at her’”

In early December 2018 an article appeared entitled ‘Is Australia sexist? Documentary asks if men and women are equal in the 21st century‘ – and of course there’s a video of Aussie guys looking at, and calling out to, Aussie women. Bettina Arndt had earlier written an article about the set-up that was the original ‘study’ in The Australian. Now take a look at this video critique of the SBS program.

I’d suggest now reading the two articles below, which set the scene quite well for the additional sources that follow:

The Sexodus, Part 1: The men giving up on women and checking out of society (4 December 2014) with related discussion thread here, and The Sexodus, Part 2: Dishonest Feminist panics leave male sexuality in crisis (9 December 2014) … and here is a link to a related Youtube video

And now feel free to peruse these further sources regarding the increasingly fraught issue of public interaction between the genders:

Danish women prefer wolf-whistles to feminism (11 May 2019)

The Victorian Government (Australia) has issued a video highlighting the horror of women receiving unwanted attention on public transport, and – surprise surprise – calling on men to step in and deal with other men (9 April 2019). ‘Independent Man’ responds to this rather well with his own video.

Of course governments never step in and ask women to deal with other women who transgress one ‘rule’ or another, err like sexually abusing students for example. Because that would be hateful or misogynistic or something bad. Or something.

Unsafe in the City – A Tale of Five Cities, by Plan International (October 2018) This pro-feminist ‘study’ unsurprisingly completely ignores not just all the people who manage to remain safe in the city, but also both male victimisation and female violence.

Young woman was handed a note on the train (October 2018) Video

#MeToo Backlash In Corporate Canada Sees Women Locked Out (2 August 2018)

Judge approves lawsuit against Mizzou for punishing student who asked woman on a date (17 July 2018) USA

Men, take heed from the Victorians: don’t hound women in public (31 May 2018) Clearly no need to consider inappropriate behaviour by women, or the steps needed to address this.

Confusing sexual harassment with flirting hurts women (14 November 2017) by Cathy Young

Op-Ed: Is ‘Weinsteining’ getting out of hand? (1 November 2017) by Cathy Young

Man jailed for creepily staring at Glasgow pharmacy assistant through window (27 October 2017) UK

Be sure not to initiate a conversation with a woman you don’t know on the bus (13 July 2017)

In the U.K, women more than men perceive wolf-whistling as a compliment (7 July 2017)

Trump did to Merkel what men do to women all the time, by Jessica Valenti (March 2017)

Australian Bar Prohibits Men From Approaching Women, Must Speak ‘As They Would to Their Mother’ (23 February 2017)

Sexless in Silicon Valley: why nobody’s getting laid in America’s tech hub (19 January 2017) Not much sex or dating taking place and, of course, the blame is placed at the feet of socially inept men because …

Harassment of women by men at Summernats cannot be excused or ignored, by Clementine Ford (16 January 2017) Australia. This article includes the statement:

“Why are the events like the mass groping at Cologne used as an example of how immigrant men pose a threat to “our women”, yet white Australian men acting in a similar fashion at a car show is dismissed as “boys being boys”?”

And this with no evidence provided – aside from two vague anecdotal accounts – that any man laid a hand on a woman at Summernats 2017. No mention, for example, of any actual police reports. In fact, I have been advised that in the entire 30 year history of Summernats there have been only two reported sexual assaults. And yet this being, allegedly, in a “similar fashion” to the outrage that occurred on NYE in Cologne? Talk about a reach!

These two pictures were both taken at Summernats, guess which one featured in Clementine’s article?

Longing for the male gaze (21 September 2016) with related Reddit discussion thread here.

I’m a feminist who’s attracted to ‘manly men’ (13  September 2016)

Lads! Britain needs you to do your duty and get flirting (24 August 2016) UK

Reader’s Comment: Nottinghamshire men must stop looking at women (17 July 2016)

A life time of leers (5 June 2016) Reddit discussion thread with linked article

Where Did All The Chat Up Lines Go? Why We Miss Them… (27 November 2015)

“The days when men could be bothered to try and muster any sort of conversational gambit are gone” (6 December 2015) Reddit discussion thread and linked article

Model has ribs removed to transform into real-life Jessica Rabbit (27 November 2015)

Black Man Asks Woman For Phone Number In Oakland, She Posts Flyer About It And Calls Cops (19 October 2015)

Disgusted father tells woman on train to sit down (24 February 2012) Video Canada

Barrister names and shames senior lawyer who sent her a ‘sexist’ LinkedIn message (8 September 2015) Quite barking mad. And here is some ever-articulate commentary on the matter from ‘The Other McCain‘ (12 September 2015)

Chrissie Hynde was right about rape. Now feminists want to silence her (31 August 2015)

‘Ghosted’ by my boyfriend: After four years together he left and I never heard from him again (28 August 2015) Stick around after break-up (creepy stalker) or move on/start a clean page (thoughtless cad)

Feminists, and how to avoid them (12 August 2015)

Young women need to ‘tone down’…really? (1 August 2015) See readers comments

“In honesty, I didn’t make my sign”: SlutWalk revisited (Edmonton edition) (12 August 2015)

Guardian Author Who Called for End of Catcalling now Regrets she is not Catcalled (21 July 2015)

OK Cupid Data on Sex, Desirability, and Age (3 July 2015)

Finding a boyfriend cured my crippling loneliness, but left me feeling a bad feminist (23 June 2015) and related reddit mensrights discussion thread

The trials and tribulations of a token pretty girl (28 December 2014) and related reddit menrights discussion thread

Alex from Target: The other side of fame (12 November 2014) Objectified and harassed, but wait! How can this be? (Alex is a boy)

She explains why so many women don’t say ‘Hello.’ The reason is absolutely chilling (1 November 2014)

Rise of the Feminist Tinder-Creep-Busting Web Vigilante (27 October 2014) Read those comments and feel the frustration and anger. Next stop MGTOW

Boycott college women while in college (24 October 2014)

HuffPo and Salon slut-shame men (14 October 2014)

Vancouver men, please stop harassing women (12 October 2014)

On Not Approaching Women At All  (9 September 2014)

Fallout from campus sexual assault hysteria: College men now suspicious of women (22 August 2014)

Read transcript of an item on a US TV show entitled ‘Libs want men to stop looking at women

Feminism versus Miley Cyrus (20 April 2014)

Getting over feeling invisible after 50 (23 December 2013)

Breast enlargement remains the most popular procedure (UK) and in the United States  too (2013). In fact if you want a good chuckle then google on ‘feminism and breast augmentation’ and see the fur fly as feminists who have had their chests packed with silicon try to rationalise their decision (“I did it for myself, really”). Of course you did.

See the readers comment by ‘Okrahead’ about the spandex ‘lady’ in the gym in this article

Learn how approaching women in a nightclub is “harassment” perpetrated by “creeps”. Seriously guys, why bother? Interesting related discussion can be found here

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2602965/Men-try-kiss-10-minutes-meeting-Meet-tattooed-stunner-whos-popular-date-OKCupid-having-choice-men-ruining-love-life.html

In-depth: How We Waded Into The Sexual Harassment Quagmire — And How to Wade Out: One Man’s View (11 December 2011) Interesting big-picture viewpoint

The new math of campus (5 February 2010) Aw gee, not enough guys to go around on campus … and that was 2010 and there’s even less guys on campus now! ROTFL! Take a bow, feminism

And check this out too: http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/topless-women-protestors-surprised-upset-as-men-show-up-with-cameras/story-e6frfku0-1225850121971

Read article entitled “Men here, they don’t even turn their head to look at you.” Awww. Gee, I wonder why this would happen … maybe because of attitudes like those expressed by the wimmin quoted below …

And here we read that British women don’t want to look at themselves in the mirror

Conclusion

Men and women are individuals whose position with regards to interacting with other individuals is influenced by many variables including age, relationship status, sexual orientation, cultural background, etc. There is no ‘one size fits all’.

Men are criticized both for approaching women, and for not approaching women. Some women live for male attention, others want none, with the remainder happy to engage at the times, and in the manner, of their choosing. Oh, and an individual woman’s position may change on a daily basis and/or depending upon the perceived attractiveness of the male who approaches her.

As women do not hold up signs advising of their own particular preferences, even well-meaning men – who comprise the overwhelming majority – are in a constant state of uncertainty, unease and frustration. Maybe if all women could organise themselves onto the same page, and circulate universal guidelines, things might be different. But we all know that’s not going to happen.

Feminists stoking the fire of misunderstanding and paranoia between the genders sure doesn’t help things, and only serves to propel ever more men towards a MGTOW lifestyle.

Elsewhere in this blog you might be interested in reading:

Girls showing their bits = empowerment? patriarchal exploitation? self-indulgence? other?
The ‘Marriage Strike’ and MGTOW
On privilege, respect, and entitlement
Fembots may prove to be a game changer
Harassment and discrimination in business and the workplace: Surprise, surprise, it goes both ways
When men have a daughter (another tale of male-blaming and silencing)

I thought women were meant to be more empathetic?

Empathy means the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Those banging the drum about how more women should be promoted to senior management sometimes seek to support their position with sexist generalisations about how women tend to be more ethical, collegial, empathetic, and so on and so forth.

Earlier generations of Australian women were mostly empathetic to a fault.
Nowadays perhaps not so much.

Empathy with the resident citizens of overseas countries

Some time ago I was reading the results of a survey of overseas travellers. It found that most travellers were disturbed by displays of cultural insensitivity by fellow travellers. Unfortunately the survey did not breakdown its results on the basis of variables such as gender.

This got me thinking about my own experiences living and travelling in Asia.

Thai culture is quite conservative but Thais will rarely inform tourists when they have crossed the border of social acceptability, unless they venture far beyond the bounds of decent behaviour. Expressions of polite conduct such as kreng jai – the Thai version of our ‘good manners’ – is highly important to them.

Mention Thailand and most people think of men behaving badly. And indeed some men do … as do some women. The difference is that those western men who misbehave tend to do so within touristy nightlife areas, in many cases within recognised ‘red light areas’. Their behaviour generally involves drunken debauchery within the confines of go-go bars or the like. There is nothing laudable about this, but at least the local Thai people in such areas tend to be inured to witnessing this type of behaviour. Outside these areas I have witnessed exceedingly few examples of western male travellers displaying overt cultural insensitivity.

In contrast I have seen many examples of western women behaving inappropriately outside the bar precincts. A common issue is that of wearing skimpy and revealing clothing in and around temples, and in public places such as markets or parks. This occurs despite the fact that any guidebook on Thailand clearly states that such clothing is considered unacceptable, as well as there being signs installed in many locations.

On this note I happened across the following comments by a female editor of an English-language magazine in Thailand:

“Then there is the trio of English lasses who were found wandering around Wat Phra Singh a few weeks back in their bikinis! It has nothing to do with cultural insensitivity or ignorance. It is just a willful refusal to give a crap. Their grandmothers would have taken a wooden spoon to their bottoms had they trotted into the local church dressed that way.”

I have never confronted anyone about this particular transgression, but from discussions in online forums the attitude seems to be “this is my style, why should I have to change to suit them?”, or they are old-fashioned/sexist and *they* should change. I have also noticed plenty of instances of western women exhibiting exceptionally intrusive, pushy and loud behaviour in public places (particularly for example during community events).

Anyway that’s what this correspondent has noticed in going about his daily business, but discussions with Thai women revealed some other issues. These were women who either ran businesses, or worked in other peoples shop-front businesses (not bar-related, I hasten to add). I must first explain that Thai women are generally in awe of western women, and in general there is no underlying animosity whatsoever.

One after the other these women told me similar accounts of their dealing with western female customers, and of their surprise, dismay and occasional anger at the rude behaviour they often encountered. This included body language (like eye rolling and pained expressions) plus clicking noises of annoyance, and rude gestures and insulting words.

As noted, these were just my own observations – what do others think? Are western women travelling overseas less inclined to observe and maintain local cultural decorum, than western men? And if so, why? Do you think it might it be related to an increasingly overdone feeling of entitlement, and of being beyond criticism/censure? That sense of feeling oneself to be a ‘special snowflake’?

Singer ‘Bjork’ clearly thought she was a very special snowflake indeed when she saw fit to assault this reporter at the airport in Bangkok. And here’s another western woman showering the Thais with empathy.

And then there’s the behaviour of the USA women’s team towards the Thai team in the 2019 World Cup match (12 June 2019)

The incredible outburst that got this tourist jailed for six months in Bali (8 February 2019) And what a fine ambassador for Britain was this particular ‘lady’

And in another blog post we can see that some western women also behave in a racist and/or culturally insensitive manner when they are at home.

Some other incidents wherein which women display an absence of empathy:

Woman threw cat at neighbour’s door because ‘it kept coming into her garden’ (2 July 2019) UK

Feminist, Chidera Eggerue, doesn’t have time to worry about male suicide (Tweet dated 14 March 2019)

‘Fight Club’ organized by teachers at day care caught on camera (30 October 2018)

Tourists facing 10 years in Thai jail over ‘ridiculously drunk’ prank (26 October 2018)

Video shows nurses doubled over laughing as World War 2 veteran dies (19 November 2017) USA

‘Who are they gonna believe, you or me?’: Texas prosecutor fired after drunken Uber tirade (14 November 2017)

When making a sandwich is a crime against feminism, by Miranda Devine (7 October 2017) The lack of empathy by feminists towards others is legendary – here’s another example

‘Poison Ivy’, 17, bullies ‘weak’ men into degrading themselves online before encouraging them to kill themselves (26 October 2016) with related Reddit discussion thread here.

Women more likely to get angry behind the wheel (20 October 2016) UK

First-ever survey of the motivation behind disability hate crime (9 May 2016)

“Around half (49%) of all attacks were group based. Women were involved in most group attacks (men were more involved in lone attacks).”

Inside house of horrors full of dead pets including one dog still chained to its kennel in shocking case of animal neglect (5 May 2016) UK

Rotherham woman offered safe haven to troubled girls – then pimped them out (27 February 2016) UK

Woman pretended to have cancer to get money from her boyfriend so she could pay for plastic surgery (12 February 2016) UK

‘It was the worst flight of my life’ (11 December 2015)

Secret Service Agents: Hillary is a nightmare to work with (2 October 2015)

Anesthesiologist trashes sedated patient — and it ends up costing her (23 June 2015) USA

Russia jails three young women for WWII memorial twerk (27 April 2015)

Egypt investigating how tourists filmed pornographic video near Giza pyramids (8 March 2015)

American sisters deported for naked photos at Angkor Wat (9 February 2015)

Kiwi tourist smashed Buddha statue in Cambodian temple (14 October 2014)

Other sources related to women and empathy:

‘Bali bikini ban’ will help ‘transform mass tourism hot-spot’ (1 October 2018)

Charity boss jailed for stealing thousands meant for burns victims (13 June 2018)

I’ve Gotten Blown Off By Men So Much Lately That I’m Literally Questioning Everything (October 2017) Author displays total absence of understanding that men have been treated this way since forever (well before the advent of dating apps!) Welcome to our world darling. Reader’s comments scathing but accurate.

Stereotype that women are kinder and less selfish is true, claim neuroscientists (10 October 2017)

Newsflash: Less Yelling Means More Sex (6 September 2017)

Gender differences in empathy (27 August 2016) Reddit mensrights discussion thread

Oxytocin Has a Dark Side, Says This Stanford Neurology Professor (6 July 2017)

The Absence of Empathy: Understanding the Psychology of Sociopathic Feminism (26 March 2016)

“You’re gonna get hit. It’s gonna hurt. Accept it.” Lessons from Krav Maga (14 March 2016)

Social contagion: Women more likely to yawn in response to others, study says (2 February 2016)

Ringleader in Texas’ biggest sex-trafficking ring sentenced to life in prison (20 January 2016) USA. This is not a rare exception – many women are involved in the running of human trafficking operations like this one.

Health experts warn of dangerous trend as survey finds women self-criticise eight times a day (4 January 2016) Perhaps the most worrying thing about these research findings is how little of the self-criticism relates to the impact of a women’s own behaviour on others around them … it’s all me, me, me

A Plea to Women (28 November 2015) Australia

The Empathy Gap – Fiamengo File Episode 4 (3 September 2015) Video

Woman’s Hour and the lack of understanding or empathy (1 September 2015) Reddit discussion thread

The only two “Fairy Tales” you need to understand women (1 August 2015)

Why do women have such a hard time empathizing with men? (3 April 2015)

Are men inferior to women? Let’s check the data, by Christina Hoff Sommers (30 March 2015) Video

The angry men of the Internet, by Jasmin Newman (March 2015) Australia

Men are selfish, uncaring idiots (23 December 2014)

No, I will NOT wrap all the presents. Why are women still responsible for the holiday joy? (10 December 2014)

Feminist’s perverse game to misrepresent Anti-fem righteous outrage (Youtube video) 27 July 2014

Q&A: Women are nurturing? How about cruel, especially to one another (24 August 2002)

Sorry, Martin Amis – your kindly women can do cruelty too (16 July 2010)

Mom’s Abuse Makes Man Afraid Of Women (2 November 2010)

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/are_women_more_compassionate_than_men

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20130408111841AAwBfyC

http://www.angryharry.com/Who-Is-More-Empathic-Men-Or-Women.htm

http://goingyourownway.com/showthread.php?638-The-Female-Psychosis-part-1-Egocentrism

Elsewhere in this blog see:

On being male or female (incl. innate differences, stereotyping and so on)

On privilege, respect, and entitlement

Mostly female perpetrators, so child abuse is a gendered crime then?

On violence carried out by women and girls

Western men with Asian women: Gender relations through a different frame of reference

Those who have spent a reasonable amount of time in Thailand would have recognised a strange and intriguing dynamic between western men, western women and Thai women. It is of particular interest to yours truly as it provides an opportunity to examine – from a different perspective – the current state of play between the sexes in western countries. And it’s not a pretty sight.

What is happening is that increasing numbers of western guys, including both resident expats and tourists, are seeking Asian wives and girlfriends. This is occurring at the same time that many men are rejecting marriage entirely as discussed in this further blog post.

When this subject gets raised in an online discussion forum the same issues and the same progression of arguments tend to be represented. Alternatively, if there is a (caucasian) female moderator in the mix, the discussion thread is usually very quickly shut down.

Female contributors to these discussions accuse the men of (at best) having an ‘Asian fetish’, but more often than not as possessing one or more of the following characteristics:

  • latent paedophiles attracted to the petite stature of Asian women
  • socially inept losers who “couldn’t get a woman in their own countries”
  • ugly, fat, smelly and drunk
  • seeking a submissive slave, frightened of “strong, independent women”, and unable to cope with a partnership of equals

Female contributors invariably begin by feigning concern for the welfare of their Asian sisters, with comments about western men exploiting women of limited means and who are driven to consort with western men due only to economic imperatives. Once the men return fire, sometimes with a few barbs about issues of weight control, things turn nasty with many western women then turning on Asian women … labelling them scheming prostitutes who are only interested in ripping off western men (who deserve what they get).

Male contributors frequently reflect on their earlier unsatisfactory dealings with western women, frequently ending with costly divorce settlements. Sometimes men clarify that their attraction to Asian women is not racial objectification, but indicative of an attraction to certain personal characteristics that are more prevalent amongst women in Asian countries.

These attributes include gracefulness and femininity, loyalty, and a much reduced propensity for combativeness. Many men appreciate that women’s expectations regarding the roles of men and women is better defined and (importantly) more transparently and consistently applied.

At times interesting insights are offered by Asian women who have moved to western countries. With but a few exceptions they support the comments from western men regarding the selfishness and contempt shown by many western women (in their dealings with western men).

There are however a few exceptions whereby Asian women – invariably university students – complain of the attention that they receive (example/example/example). I suspect a factor here would often be a desire on the part of the Asian girl to allay jealousy on the part of female friends (i.e. a strategy to deal with intrasexual competition).

Discussions within feminist web sites are uniformly contemptuous towards western men with Asian partners. As an example, I came across this statement in a paper on the SPLC web site:

“The men’s movement also includes mail-order-bride shoppers, unregenerate batterers, and wannabe pickup artists who are eager to learn the secrets of “game”—the psychological tricks that supposedly make it easy to seduce women. “

Nice jibe. That article, by the way, was penned by a feminist foot-soldier by the name of Arthur Goldwag who is discussed here. And while we’re on the topic of feminist lapdogs, here’s David Futrelle with his words of overblown inanity on the subject of those men preferring foreign partners.

Yes indeed, feminists really do get quite a burr in their panties when it comes to white men partnering with women from another culture (another example). Ah, and not only are men attracted to Asian women because they are perceived to be submissive – the feminist author of this article suggests that the same motivation applies to men who partner with deaf women.

The depth of anger and bitterness felt by some feminists about a trend that they perceive as crafty western men bucking the system, is such that steps are being taken to address this ‘loophole’. There appear to be two main strategies now in train:

1. Apply progressively stronger pressure on governments in both source and destination countries to reduce the number of marriages between western men and women from Asian and/or developing countries. In particular this will involve increasing the cost and degree of difficulty associated with obtaining spouse or fiancee visas for foreign wives to achieve residency status in western countries. The argument put forward to justify this will be an alleged strong nexus between non-western partners (who will be painted alternately as either vulnerable ingenues or devious scammers) and organised crime or domestic abuse. Expect to see ‘woozles’ aplenty as well as heavy use of terms like ‘mail-order brides’, human-trafficking, and sexual servitude. (Example)

An example of existing legislation with this aim is the US ‘International Marriage Broker Regulation Act‘. See also this article and readers comments about the situation in Sweden.

In Australia, as of April 2019, men will have to pass a character test to bring their spouse into Australia and any history of domestic violence (real or alleged) will be a obstacle to visa approval. Just as allegations of abuse have become weapons for use in child custody cases, soon ex-wives may be able to make remarriage of their former spouse more costly and difficult. There’s a further article here, but still no hint as to specifically what constitutes “a history of violence”.

Even without altering the rules, people can be discouraged from taking this marriage route simply by making the process more drawn-out and expensive. This web site states that as of January 2019 the waiting period for a partner visa (with partner offshore) was 30-46 months, after submission of all necessary paperwork.

2. Dissuade foreign women from entering into long-term relationships with western men on the basis of scare tactics, i.e. an alleged high level of personal risk to them.

An example of this can be seen in an August 2014 article in the Bangkok Post, entitled ‘Australia’s hidden abusive migrant marriages‘. This article seeks to send a strong message to Thai women that they face grave risks should they relocate to a western country. Yet typical of feminist attempts to manipulate public opinion, it is heavy on claims and very light on actual information that would put threat levels into a meaningful context. In this case the actual information provided is quite inadequate in helping women assess the actual degree of actual risk. See also readers comments.

Further sources of information and insight regarding this theme:

American’s immigration emergency: Their spouses could be deported or exiled if they seek green cards (20 February 2019) USA. Granted, the focus of this article is on women marrying foreign husbands, but what’s the bet that the main underlying factor is discouraging foreign women.

The ‘Path to Nowhere’ report by ANROWS based on ‘the (alleged) urgent need to overhaul migration laws to protect domestic violence victims (women in Australia on temporary visas)’ (January 2019). See related Tweet

Government data reveals US Immigration issued visas to thousands of child brides spouses (12 January 2019) Stopping underage brides? Sounds entirely reasonable, but then wait until gender-neutral and potentially critical eyes become diverted, and then the system can be derailed to suit feminist objectives.

Americans Conned into Marrying Immigrants for Green Cards (14 July 2018)

This is why I’ve lived in Japan for 12 years (11 November 2016) Discussion thread with linked video.

A woman’s view as to why men are deserting Western women for Asian women (August 2016) Reddit discussion thread with linked video

Why is a racial “fetish” looked negatively upon as racist, but not preference for other specific physical traits (such as eye color, height, etc) (7 July 2016) Reddit discussion thread

Foreign Women Are Not the Answer (NAFWALT) (9 May 2016) One would be foolish to suggest that marrying a(ny) foreign woman is a good strategy for a(ny) caucasian man dissatisfied with western women. Then again, too many are willing to rush in and forego getting to know their future partner, her family and her culture, so a reality check is probably in order.

Media attacks Yellow Fever but ignores more common White Fever (17 February 2015) Reddit mensrights discussion thread

The Myth of Yellow Fever (19 January 2015)

Feminists versus Yellow Fever by Willard Losinger (2 September 2014) Highly recommended reading

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/expat/expatlife/9972174/The-Old-Sexpats-Club-members-and-their-young-Thai-women.html#disqus_thread The article is very negative and biased, but is entirely typical of mainstream media coverage of the issue. There are, however, some very insightful readers comments. (My own comments were provided using the pseudonym ‘Notyouraveragejoe’)

Asian Women and White Men (14 September 2014)

Feminists versus mail-order brides (9 August 2014)

Why white men prefer Asian women (undated)

http://diaryofamunchkin.blogspot.com.au/2009/02/why-farang-girls-hate-thailand.html

http://alt.support.short.narkive.com/CKzOA1Vj/why-white-women-hate-thailand

https://groups.google.com/forum/?fromgroups#!topic/soc.culture.thai/G4grWatbzxw (“Unhappy farang girls who cant get a screw”). An extract from which reads:

I was approached by a western girl in Phuket who was obviously having a hard time with the lack of attention. She almost threw herself at me and said quietly in my ear that she and her mate were out looking to get laid. i was in the star wars nightclub at the time in patong surrounded by few hundred thai lovelies. back in England obviously i thought it would be a dream come true to get a girl acting like this. however in Thailand we have the upper hand so i decided to use it. I told her if that was the case that she was maybe in the wrong place and perhaps she should try her luck elsewhere. She looked like i had thrown molten metal in her face. This was beginning to give me far more enjoyment than shagging her ever would.
‘What do you mean’, she responded.
“I mean look around you’ I replied and pointed to all the thai ladies.
I continued to tell her how the arrogance of the western female had become increasingly offputting and thats why most males in the know were now coming to thailand. She then tried to come over all softly, softly and tried to explain she wasn’t one of these types. She then put her arms around me and whispered ‘please’ in my ear.
I was loving this. I finally pushed her away and said that i wasn’t the slight bit interested.
I could see her the tears of humility rise in her eyes and then she stormed off.
I felt a feeling of power wash over me that i’d never felt before.
Western females do this to men all the time in the west and it was superb to be able to enact the same punishment.
She was lucky though. i could of got her to buy me drinks all night whilst pretending to be interested and then gone off with someone else and the end of the night!

(Mod: Ouch! No wonder many men consider Thailand to be the place where western womens chickens have come home to roost!)

http://huahinforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=3699

http://www.bangkokdiaries.com/2008/06/22/why-farang-men-like-thai-girls-and-hate-farang-women/

http://www.bigmangobar.com/blog/reader-submissions/2009/12/01/western-world-women-hypocrisy-with-prostitution-www-doublestandardbitches-com-by-munutkangkao/

Tourism Thailand slammed ‘creepy’ ad (2 March 2015) Wonder if the stalker angle was really the only “creepy” thing about this ad

The following articles or discussion threads are not specific to Thailand:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/613599-young-men-giving-up-on-marriage/ This discussion is in the ladies sub-forum at ‘Thaivisa’, a roosting place for frustrated western women living in Thailand. Input is strictly controlled by ghastly entitled feminist moderators like ‘Boo’ who suspend or ban male contributors with relish. Boo

Example of discussion thread where Op expresses interest in travelling to Asia to meet women

Why white women hate Asian women (20 December 2006)

Scandinavian men leaving feminists to themselves (25 January 2013)

My sweet and sour dating experience: An expat career woman on Beijing flings (24 November 2013) with a reddit discussion that includes this post:

“When-ever you read a news story that seems a bit hateful, reverse the genders. Then ask yourself: “would this have been published with the reversed genders?” Imagine a guy, travelling to a foreign country, complaining about the “less than average” women getting handsome men and the women’s resulting ‘inflated egos’. Then displaying the racist attitudes toward the locals that they dated. Would a main stream media organization DARE to print something as offensive?

http://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=11198&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 (Mod: Warning to sensitive readers, this one is quite harsh but included here to show the degree of upset evident amongst some men)

http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2009/07/25/marketing-asian-women-to-anti-feminist-men/ (Mod: The article offers no useful insights but the comments that follow include some interesting & quite heated exchanges)

http://bettyfokker.wordpress.com/2013/04/24/priss-pot-and-the-mail-order-bride/ (Bitter feminist perspective on the issue of western men marrying Asian women)

http://www.vagabondish.com/female-foreign-japan/ Blog article written by western woman in Japan complaining about being invisible (this article was discussed in this thread)

And here’s another related thread, but this one is about guys married to Philipinas: http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1kr801/

And in closing, who in their right mind would NOT understand western men not wishing to be with a woman like the author of this article? Hmmm?

Related posts within my blog:

Deep down in places that feminists don’t talk about at parties (On the notion of a ‘pussy cartel’)

On Australian men seeking foreign partners

Don’t talk to me! No wait. Talk to me!

stinky