When men have a daughter (another tale of male-blaming and silencing)

At the time of writing the Weinstein affair remains an ongoing and evolving media phenomenon. The hypocrisy of this one does my head in.

Imagine … All men being demonised for being the same gender as the alleged perpetrator at the centre of a major scandal. Men offer comments supportive of female victims of sexual harassment, and condemnatory of male perpetrators, but are dismissed or even shamed for doing so. Meanwhile other men are shamed for not commenting.

Men subseqently re-frame/qualify their thoughts/feelings in the light of well-publicised research – research that proposes that men understand and empathise with women better when they have sisters, wives and daughters. Men are then shamed on the basis that their amended and qualified message of support doesn’t treat women as humans.

Men, the beasts that they are, just can’t seem to say or do the right thing.

Women are a different kettle of fish. It goes without saying that nowhere, nowhere are they responsible. For anything. Not for being victims or alleged victims. Not for helping Harvey trick/lure women into private meetings in hotel rooms (their excuse). Not for willingly following the casting-couch route to financial rewards. Not for remaining silent when they knew what was going on, in many cases accepting payment for doing so. And absolutely not, for they themselves harassing others.

Note that I have addressed the topic of harassment in the workplace in another blog post. This current post is more about feminist shaming, bitterness and hypocrisy set against the backdrop of the media furore surrounding Harvey Weinstein’s real and alleged misbehaviour.

Feminists have long been telling men – even feminist men – that they have no legitimate right to talk about feminism, or about specific topics that they (feminists) consider to be women’s issues. They typically assert that men have no understanding of women’s lived experience, and have nothing worthwhile to contribute. Here’s a recent Australian example.

As a consequence men are most reluctant to offer up public comment on such matters. This situation is addressed in the following blog posts:

Beware the ire of an angry feminist
Nice guys, nice guys™ and the friendzone
A feminist laments: “Why do so few men turn up to hear women speak?”
Karen Straughan and others on feminist shaming tactics

The media informs us however that men move one rung up the ladder when they have wives and/or daughters. See for yourself – just do a google search using terms such as “when men have a daughter” or “men change after having daughter”. Year in and year out, article after article based on this assertion:

Why the best words a dad can hear are… It’s a girl! (7 June 2017)
Men Really Do Get Less Sexist When They Have Daughters (3 June 2017)

This is the backdrop to the emergence of the Weinstein affair. Or at least the October 2017 version thereof. Because, as we are finding out more each day, plenty of people were ‘in the know’ before now.

The first development after the publication of the initial allegations was men being blamed for not speaking out against Harvey Weinstein. See for example:

Hollywood men silent over Weinstein allegations as women speak out (11 October 2017), with a later contribution being … Men who are silent after #MeToo: it’s time to speak up (20 October 2017)

Sure enough, after being given what they assumed to be the media’s ‘green light’ to enter the debate, more men spoke out to condemn Weinstein and/or to condemn the problem of sexual harassment generally.

Thus the next wave of outrage was in relation to men speaking out against Weinstein, especially those mentioning that they were motivated to do so, in part, because they had wives/daughters. Some examples of the media coverage include:

You don’t need to be a father to stand up to abusers. You need to believe women (13 October 2017)

Some questions for the “Fathers of daughters” condemning Harvey Weinstein (13 October 2017)

Men don’t need to have daughters to be concerned about women (13 October 2017)

People Are Dragging Men Who Say They Care About Rape Culture Because They Have A Daughter (12 October 2017)

Does any reasonable person seriously believe that men referencing the girls/women in their lives meant women any disrepect? Think of any other instance where this ‘logic’ has been proposed, because I can’t. I can think, for example of discussions regarding childhood disability or illness whereby parents comment along the lines of “as a parent of a child with autism …“. Were those parents insinuating that their autistic kids were less than human?

Then there was the push-back against the push-back. Men are mostly guilty and should do more to stop themselves and their brothers, including but not limited to public self-flagellation:

Dear Men: It’s you, too (19 October 2017) by Roxane Gay & attracting 1,397 readers comments

How men can help after Weinstein and #MeToo (22 October 2017)

“After the flood of #MeToo posts, critics charged that the hashtag continues to put the onus on victims to speak up while letting men off the hook. In response, some have shared lists of tips on how men can stop this behaviour from flourishing.”

And to remove any doubt about who’s wearing the pants in this debate, the usual feminist voices pressed long and hard on the ‘all men are responsible’ button:

It’s not the job of “Hollywood women” to ‘fix’ sexual harassment (12 October 2017)

The men who kept Harvey Weinstein’s secrets safe are all around us (11 October 2017)

Harvey Weinstein Scandal: Men In Hollywood Staying Silent? | The View (10 October 2017) Video. Reddit discussion thread here

Oh, and for any other men who dared offer an opinion, because “… some people – and more particularly, men – seem to think that it’s not the feelings of the alleged victims that matter. No, it’s actually their feelings that are important.”

Men of Hollywood – don’t make this Harvey Weinstein situation about you (13 October 2017)

‘Cancel the Christmas party’: 2017’s the year of the ‘confused’ man (16 November 2017) Rather than working with men to resolve confusion about what constitutes appropriate behaviour, feminist journo prefers to mock for what she sees as a weak ‘excuse’. Anything but helpful.

As is usually the case, any rebuttal was muted and provided by male-positive writers like Martin Daubney and Kathy Gyngell:

This #MeToo witch-hunt will destroy women’s happiness (23 October 2017)

Weinstein’s actions are revolting – but don’t tell me all men are to blame (11 October 2017)

So male voices were silenced again and the debate wrested back into the hands of feminists/liberals satisfying their ongoing imperative to control the narrative. But things didn’t entirely go their way, as derailments followed (and continue to this day), namely:

Articles highlighting the hypocrisy of the Hollywood democrat/leftist elite in turning the backs for so long, and regarding Harvey Weinstein as an archtypical nice guy & supporter of feminism, for example:

“Weinstein, the reports noted, had been a prominent donor to causes that address gender inequality, especially in the entertainment industry” (Source)

Harvey Weinstein and Feminism (19 October 2017)

Watch When Barbara Walters and The View Coverup For Harvey Weinstein Types (15 October 2017)

Jane Fonda: I knew about Weinstein, and I’m ‘ashamed’ I didn’t say anything (12 October 2017)

Ah but of course the feminist lobby will never admit weakness or fault, so their strategy here is to double-down on their ongoing ‘feminist men aren’t feminists’ offensive (example, with more in the opening section of this blog post).

Articles highlighting the elements of dog-piling, misandry, vengeance and hysteria that is occurring, for example:

#MeToo: A moral panic about men (18 October 2017)

Male Victim Erasure and Backlash in #MeToo Campaign (17 October 2017)

The hysteria in the Harvey Weinstein scandal (12 October 2017)

Finally, I note that mention has yet to be made of sexual harassment perpetrated by influential women. There has, however, been some limited and peripheral acknowledgement of the harassment of men/boys by men:

Corey Feldman celebrates ‘turning of the tide’ on Hollywood sex abuse (17 October 2017)

Hollywood’s Other ‘Open Secret’ Besides Harvey Weinstein: Preying on Young Boys (16 October 2017)

Weinstein saga leads James Van Der Beek to share personal story of sexual harassment (12 October 2017)

Actor Terry Crews recalls being sexually assaulted by Hollywood exec (11 October 2017)

In closing, Cathy Young has written an excellent article that touches on a number of the issues mentioned above.

See also:

Paul Elam’s take on this topic from a Red Pill perspective
This piece by Gideon Scopes entitled ‘Rethinking Gender, Sexuality and Violence’, This article by D.C MacAllister in the The Federalist

Women in politics fear #MeToo moment will backfire — and they’ll be the ones punished (12 December 2017)

A panic is not an answer: We’re at imminent risk of turning this #metoo moment into a frenzied rush to blame all men (26 November 2017) by Christina Hoff Summers

Kathy Gyngell: The silence of the males (13 November 2017)

Knee-touching MPs? I took advantage of men to get ahead at Westminster: By Spectator columnist MELISSA KITE, who admits flirting shamelessly to get scoops (14 November 2017)

The #MeToo sexual harassment hysteria is a pretext for women to take power and money from men (21 December 2017)

Other posts in this blog related to this topic include:

Don’t look at me! No wait. Look at me!
Girls showing their bits = empowerment? patriarchal exploitation? self-indulgence? other?
#HeForShe: Men pressed into service with nary a hint of ‘quid pro quo’
Nice guys, nice guys™ and the friendzone
On Gender Traitors, White Knights and Manginaso

Don’t talk to me! No wait. Talk to me!

Those of you who have spent time in Asian countries might have noticed a lot of western women reading books in cafes and looking somewhat bored. In various web sites and discussion forums one may read their plaintive cries about feeling “invisible” (e.g. Japan/China) and having trouble finding guys who will give them the attention they feel they deserve.

It would appear that most western guys in Thailand, for example, have little time for western women. Instead they appear to prefer the company of more feminine, laidback (and yes, often more attractive) Thai ladies. And cynics note that I am referring to Thai ladies in general, and not simply bar-girls.

I even read a post the other day where a female expat stated that she was tired of western men in Thailand “disrespecting” western women in the way they pointedly ignore them. Tragic, just tragic.

In my blog post ‘I thought women were meant to be more empathetic‘ I talk about the issue of western women in Thailand flaunting local dress standards. Is this ‘look at me! look at me!’ behaviour in response to the ‘attention deficit mode’ that many western women appear to descend into within days of arrival in Asia? Or is it simply a reflection of a broader attitude of ‘my need to indulge myself trumps your right to have local social mores respected’?

Moving across to India, read about ‘The woman who says that it’s not only men who like to look‘ (24 August 2016)

Why don’t Western men in Asian countries lift their game and jump at the opportunity of approaching western women? Oh wait, they have already tried that back home and were rewarded with looks of disdain or contempt – or even accused of harassment. I can see this is going to be a tough sell.

So what then, you may ask, is the current situation in western countries such as USA, Canada, the UK, and Australia?

Well in the West men are confused, for they are routinely dragged over the coals for alternately either paying too much attention to women, or not enough. Or about the right amount but they are doing it wrong. Oh, and the goalposts regarding the ‘right’ way are continuously being moved.

On that first point, readers would be aware of the surfeit of publicity regarding the unwanted looks and attention that women attract from men, and how such behaviour threatens and disgusts them (example here).

And then every now and then there is an incident that serves as a lightning rod and focus for demands for action. Let’s look at the example of THAT infamous New York street harassment video …

In February 2017 another fake street harassment video emerged … ‘Video of raging female cyclist lashing out at van full of catcalling builders ‘revealed as FAKE’ as company pledges to launch internal probe’

In November 2017 another such fake street harassment video emerged … “Woman attacks man with her breasts for ‘staring at her’”

In early December 2018 an article appeared entitled ‘Is Australia sexist? Documentary asks if men and women are equal in the 21st century‘ – and of course there’s a video of Aussie guys looking at, and calling out to, Aussie women. Bettina Arndt had earlier written an article about the set-up that was the original ‘study’ in The Australian. Now take a look at this video critique of the SBS program.

I’d suggest now reading the two articles below, which set the scene quite well for the additional sources that follow:

The Sexodus, Part 1: The men giving up on women and checking out of society (4 December 2014) with related discussion thread here, and The Sexodus, Part 2: Dishonest Feminist panics leave male sexuality in crisis (9 December 2014) … and here is a link to a related Youtube video

And now feel free to peruse these further sources regarding the increasingly fraught issue of public interaction between the genders:

Men: Before you tell a joke/give advice/pay a compliment. A twitter stream from a woman with advice for men (4 September 2019)

Danish women prefer wolf-whistles to feminism (11 May 2019)

The Victorian Government (Australia) has issued a video highlighting the horror of women receiving unwanted attention on public transport, and – surprise surprise – calling on men to step in and deal with other men (9 April 2019). ‘Independent Man’ responds to this rather well with his own video.

Of course governments never step in and ask women to deal with other women who transgress one ‘rule’ or another, err like sexually abusing students for example. Because that would be hateful or misogynistic or something bad. Or something.

Unsafe in the City – A Tale of Five Cities, by Plan International (October 2018) This pro-feminist ‘study’ unsurprisingly completely ignores not just all the people who manage to remain safe in the city, but also both male victimisation and female violence.

Young woman was handed a note on the train (October 2018) Video

#MeToo Backlash In Corporate Canada Sees Women Locked Out (2 August 2018)

Judge approves lawsuit against Mizzou for punishing student who asked woman on a date (17 July 2018) USA

Men, take heed from the Victorians: don’t hound women in public (31 May 2018) Clearly no need to consider inappropriate behaviour by women, or the steps needed to address this.

Confusing sexual harassment with flirting hurts women (14 November 2017) by Cathy Young

Op-Ed: Is ‘Weinsteining’ getting out of hand? (1 November 2017) by Cathy Young

Man jailed for creepily staring at Glasgow pharmacy assistant through window (27 October 2017) UK

Be sure not to initiate a conversation with a woman you don’t know on the bus (13 July 2017)

In the U.K, women more than men perceive wolf-whistling as a compliment (7 July 2017)

Trump did to Merkel what men do to women all the time, by Jessica Valenti (March 2017)

Australian Bar Prohibits Men From Approaching Women, Must Speak ‘As They Would to Their Mother’ (23 February 2017)

Sexless in Silicon Valley: why nobody’s getting laid in America’s tech hub (19 January 2017) Not much sex or dating taking place and, of course, the blame is placed at the feet of socially inept men because …

Harassment of women by men at Summernats cannot be excused or ignored, by Clementine Ford (16 January 2017) Australia. This article includes the statement:

“Why are the events like the mass groping at Cologne used as an example of how immigrant men pose a threat to “our women”, yet white Australian men acting in a similar fashion at a car show is dismissed as “boys being boys”?”

And this with no evidence provided – aside from two vague anecdotal accounts – that any man laid a hand on a woman at Summernats 2017. No mention, for example, of any actual police reports. In fact, I have been advised that in the entire 30 year history of Summernats there have been only two reported sexual assaults. And yet this being, allegedly, in a “similar fashion” to the outrage that occurred on NYE in Cologne? Talk about a reach!

These two pictures were both taken at Summernats, guess which one featured in Clementine’s article?

Longing for the male gaze (21 September 2016) with related Reddit discussion thread here.

I’m a feminist who’s attracted to ‘manly men’ (13  September 2016)

Lads! Britain needs you to do your duty and get flirting (24 August 2016) UK

Reader’s Comment: Nottinghamshire men must stop looking at women (17 July 2016)

A life time of leers (5 June 2016) Reddit discussion thread with linked article

Where Did All The Chat Up Lines Go? Why We Miss Them… (27 November 2015)

“The days when men could be bothered to try and muster any sort of conversational gambit are gone” (6 December 2015) Reddit discussion thread and linked article

Model has ribs removed to transform into real-life Jessica Rabbit (27 November 2015)

Black Man Asks Woman For Phone Number In Oakland, She Posts Flyer About It And Calls Cops (19 October 2015)

Disgusted father tells woman on train to sit down (24 February 2012) Video Canada

Barrister names and shames senior lawyer who sent her a ‘sexist’ LinkedIn message (8 September 2015) Quite barking mad. And here is some ever-articulate commentary on the matter from ‘The Other McCain‘ (12 September 2015)

Chrissie Hynde was right about rape. Now feminists want to silence her (31 August 2015)

‘Ghosted’ by my boyfriend: After four years together he left and I never heard from him again (28 August 2015) Stick around after break-up (creepy stalker) or move on/start a clean page (thoughtless cad)

Feminists, and how to avoid them (12 August 2015)

Young women need to ‘tone down’…really? (1 August 2015) See readers comments

“In honesty, I didn’t make my sign”: SlutWalk revisited (Edmonton edition) (12 August 2015)

Guardian Author Who Called for End of Catcalling now Regrets she is not Catcalled (21 July 2015)

OK Cupid Data on Sex, Desirability, and Age (3 July 2015)

Finding a boyfriend cured my crippling loneliness, but left me feeling a bad feminist (23 June 2015) and related reddit mensrights discussion thread

The trials and tribulations of a token pretty girl (28 December 2014) and related reddit menrights discussion thread

Alex from Target: The other side of fame (12 November 2014) Objectified and harassed, but wait! How can this be? (Alex is a boy)

She explains why so many women don’t say ‘Hello.’ The reason is absolutely chilling (1 November 2014)

Rise of the Feminist Tinder-Creep-Busting Web Vigilante (27 October 2014) Read those comments and feel the frustration and anger. Next stop MGTOW

Boycott college women while in college (24 October 2014)

HuffPo and Salon slut-shame men (14 October 2014)

Vancouver men, please stop harassing women (12 October 2014)

On Not Approaching Women At All  (9 September 2014)

Fallout from campus sexual assault hysteria: College men now suspicious of women (22 August 2014)

Read transcript of an item on a US TV show entitled ‘Libs want men to stop looking at women

Feminism versus Miley Cyrus (20 April 2014)

Getting over feeling invisible after 50 (23 December 2013)

Breast enlargement remains the most popular procedure (UK) and in the United States  too (2013). In fact if you want a good chuckle then google on ‘feminism and breast augmentation’ and see the fur fly as feminists who have had their chests packed with silicon try to rationalise their decision (“I did it for myself, really”). Of course you did.

See the readers comment by ‘Okrahead’ about the spandex ‘lady’ in the gym in this article

Learn how approaching women in a nightclub is “harassment” perpetrated by “creeps”. Seriously guys, why bother? Interesting related discussion can be found here

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2602965/Men-try-kiss-10-minutes-meeting-Meet-tattooed-stunner-whos-popular-date-OKCupid-having-choice-men-ruining-love-life.html

In-depth: How We Waded Into The Sexual Harassment Quagmire — And How to Wade Out: One Man’s View (11 December 2011) Interesting big-picture viewpoint

The new math of campus (5 February 2010) Aw gee, not enough guys to go around on campus … and that was 2010 and there’s even less guys on campus now! ROTFL! Take a bow, feminism

And check this out too: http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/topless-women-protestors-surprised-upset-as-men-show-up-with-cameras/story-e6frfku0-1225850121971

Read article entitled “Men here, they don’t even turn their head to look at you.” Awww. Gee, I wonder why this would happen … maybe because of attitudes like those expressed by the wimmin quoted below …

And here we read that British women don’t want to look at themselves in the mirror

Conclusion

Men and women are individuals whose position with regards to interacting with other individuals is influenced by many variables including age, relationship status, sexual orientation, cultural background, etc. There is no ‘one size fits all’.

Men are criticized both for approaching women, and for not approaching women. Some women live for male attention, others want none, with the remainder happy to engage at the times, and in the manner, of their choosing. Oh, and an individual woman’s position may change on a daily basis and/or depending upon the perceived attractiveness of the male who approaches her.

As women do not hold up signs advising of their own particular preferences, even well-meaning men – who comprise the overwhelming majority – are in a constant state of uncertainty, unease and frustration. Maybe if all women could organise themselves onto the same page, and circulate universal guidelines, things might be different. But we all know that’s not going to happen.

Feminists stoking the fire of misunderstanding and paranoia between the genders sure doesn’t help things, and only serves to propel ever more men towards a MGTOW lifestyle.

Elsewhere in this blog you might be interested in reading:

Girls showing their bits = empowerment? patriarchal exploitation? self-indulgence? other?
The ‘Marriage Strike’ and MGTOW
On privilege, respect, and entitlement
Fembots may prove to be a game changer
Harassment and discrimination in business and the workplace: Surprise, surprise, it goes both ways
When men have a daughter (another tale of male-blaming and silencing)