On housework and ’emotional labour’

You may have noticed articles appearing on the above topics with increasing regularity. Almost without exception the theme is one of men as unappreciative, lazy, selfish, oafs. We are told that women who are in heterosexual relationships are routinely forced to pick up the slack, and are consequently unhappy and disadvantaged.

Until now I collated articles on this theme in (mostly) the following blog posts:

The ‘Marriage Strike’ and MGTOW
Men & women and their attitudes to marriage and parenthood

From this point forward, however, I will consolidate all such articles in this new post, and progressively add my own commentary.

Related references:

Sharing the parenting duties could be key to marital bliss: study (3 October 2017)

Most of the articles on this theme don’t acknowledge that men are, on average, doing more around the house than they have ever done before. This article bucks the trend:

“Although men have increased their housework time since the 1970s, they more typically perform the least-urgent chores, like changing lightbulbs or car maintenance”. Err, thanks for the bouquet

Gender equality begins at home: empty the dishwasher, guys, by Judith Ireland (1 May 2015) and related reddit mensrights discussion thread. And here is a February 2017 article on the same theme.

At home, women treat men as if they are barely competent (10 February 2015)

The two articles below argue a case that’s somewhat different to the usual feminist assertions:

Men Who Do More Housework Have Less Sex (1 April 2013)

The More Chores A Husband Does, The More Likely The Marriage Will End In Divorce (28 September 2012)

Men & women and their attitudes to marriage and parenthood

I saw two items about parenthood yesterday that got me thinking about a number of the issues I have written about in this blog.

The first item I saw was an article in The Courier Mail, entitled ‘Go forth and procreate sooner’ by Belinda Seeney (“We need to support women aiming to have babies earlier to beat age-related infertility”). The second was an ABC TV documentary called ‘Cherry’s parenting dilemmas’.

A distinguishing feature of both was the total lack of any mention of the role or significance of men in the topic under discussion. It was not that the discussion was gender-neutral – it was more like men were completely inconsequential. This is indicative of a society where the ongoing relevance or value of men in parenting (and in fact, generally) is increasingly under-valued. Another feature shared by both of these stories was the privileged western societies that formed their contextual backdrop.

Most readers would be aware of demographic trends now taking place in many western countries, including for example falling birth rates, increasing age at marriage, increasing age at becoming a parent, the rise in single person households, the rise in single parenthood, etc. I want to briefly mention a few other trends or developments that I see as relevant to this discussion.

  • Recent/current research that is increasingly showing the critical importance of having a father actively involved in raising a child, or conversely, the negative implication for the well-being of the child where a father is absent from the household
  • The Marriage Strike and the MGTOW movement, and the factors underlying both
  • Increasing influence of feminist ideology in western societies, and the consequent demonization of men, and negative discrimination towards them

Where do I see things heading ?

  • More and more women moving against feminist ideology and rediscovering the value and legitimacy of parenthood and therefore more women wishing to have children, and at an earlier age.
  • More and more women recognizing the value of having a man (or men) actively involved in the rearing of their children
  • More and more men discovering the costs and negative effects on them of parenthood and so avoiding parenthood for longer, or entirely
  • Continued or even worsening economic austerity making parenthood more and more unaffordable, particularly for single parents

So as things stand now, just as more and more western women are wanting to have more and more children, there will be less and less men willing to partner with them. This is not selfishness or immaturity on the part of the men, it is a rational response to both real and potential threats faced by them in relation to marriage and parenthood. We need to recognise and address those issues, issues such as bias against men in the family court system. If we fail to do so and the than those that will suffer most will be women and children. Yay feminism!

See also:

Choosing not to have children? For women it’s empowering, but for men it’s juvenile (18 January 2019)

CNN Advocates Female Infidelity As Best Way For Women To “Endure” Modern Marriage (6 October 2017)

Laurie Penny: Why women are better off single (14 September 2017)

Clementine Ford: Why most grand romantic gestures are anything but romantic (12 September 2017)

Where the Good Men Have Gone and How to Get Them Back, by Suzanne Venker (22 May 2017)

‘There’s been a seismic social shift’: Why it’s now MEN who say they’ve been destroyed by divorce – while their wives are quick to bounce back (18 May 2017) UK

Nika Fate-Dixon: Are Some Millennials Rethinking the Gender Revolution? Long-Range Trends in Views of Non-Traditional Roles for Women (30 March 2017)

The day I put my wife in her place (20 March 2017)

Why are married women leaving their men? (14 April 2016)

Want to bump the birth rate in the West? Pay men (15  August 2016)

Cuckold Your Husband: The Raw Marriage Deal For Men (27 May 2016) A rebuttal to the article below

Women Are Now Cheating As Much As Men, But With Fewer Consequences (26 May 2016)

Why can’t he find men to marry the women he is teaching to have contempt for men? (11 May 2016)

Fewer women are seeking divorce as men behave less badly: Number of wives seeking split drops by half since the mid 1980s (27 December 2015) with related reddit discussion thread here

Feminist in ‘open marriage’ leaves husband for another man (17 November 2015) Included here mainly for the reader’s comments in the linked article

Are today’s women too picky for their own good? (10 November 2015) UK

Why you can’t find a man: Hypergamy Floats (12 September 2015) Video by Paul Proteus

She’s keeping her vow, by Dalrock (5 September 2015)

Post-divorce reality (11 August 2015)

“You’re just intimidated by accomplished women!” (10 July 2015) Reddit mensrights discussion thread

Women’s Greatest Problem: The Myth of the Submissive Alpha Male (25 June 2015)

Petty things I do to get back at my husband (3 June 2015) Like spitting in his coffee? Ewww. As detailed in one of hundreds of reader’s comments

Single Motherhood, in Decline Over All, Rises for Women 35 and Older (8 May 2015)

How The Search For Love Fuels China’s Housing Bubble (4 May 2015)

Gender equality begins at home: empty the dishwasher, guys, by Judith Ireland (1 May 2015) and related reddit mensrights discussion thread. And here is a more recent (Feb 2017) article on the same theme. But then read this article.

Spinster: how feminists celebrate being a selfish witch (24 April 2015)

When it comes to raising my child, a husband would be excess baggage (9 April 2015)

Ready for the marriage apocalypse? (8 April 2015)

How much should a husband share with his wife?, by Dalrock (6 March 2015)

Eva Mendes said you can’t keep a man (1 April 2015)

Bachelor Nation: 70% of Men Aged 20-34 Are Not Married (12 February 2015) Author pushes the standard line that men aren’t marrying because they are immature. More than 2,000 readers put her on the right track

How marriage would work in a free society (22 February 2015)

I don’t want children but worry my husband is getting broody (19 May 2013) If consent to sex is given under false pretences is now considered to be rape, then surely the situation described in this article is fraud?

At home, women treat men as if they are barely competent (10 February 2015)

Or maybe it’s you (2 February 2015)

Marriage rates plummet – Projection of never-married rates to 2017 (12 August 2013)

Where Have All the Good Men Gone?: Gender Differences in Marriageability (8 October 2014)

Why women are rejecting “perfect” men (18 September 2014)

All the lonely feminist spinsters (14 October 2011)

What women really want – money: Research finds women look for well-paid job first in partner (11 April 2011)

It might also be worth reading this article about gynocentrism to get further understanding of the ‘big picture’ that surrounds and underpins the above-mentioned issues.

On fathers and their children

Fathers rights comprises both a very important set of social issues, as well as a highly visible and significant component both within and beyond the MHRA movement.

Anyway I will start the ball rolling by mentioning an article in the ‘Genderratic’ web site entitled ‘The Feminist Crusade against Fatherhood‘. One notable feature of this well-researched article is that it provides a historical background to the issues of child custody and the provision of financial maintenance.

Various papers concerning, or of concern to, fathers

Chris Mackney was a father who was driven to commit suicide due to his treatment at the hands of an abusive wife and a legal system that is strongly biased towards the rights of woman. Read more about Chris here.

‘You can’t tell me women don’t lie, of course they do’: why Men’s Rights Activists hate AVOs (12 May 2017) More misandry and feminist misrepresentation courtesy of ‘The Age’, a once great newspaper.

You’ve probably noticed that one of the many, many criticisms of men is that they don’t help out with family/household as much as they should (& women already do). And yet men who choose to become house-husbands are often viewed with disdain. This phenomenon is apparent in this reddit discussion thread.

Bettina Arndt has asked me to raise awareness of an alternative Australian family law resolution service offered by Professor Patrick Parkinson, which you can read about here.

The Effect of Fatherlessness on Children (November 2018)

‘It’s only for mothers, you sicko’: Woman threatens to call security on dad changing son’s nappy in parents’ room (8 October 2017)

One reason why there aren’t more stay-at-home dads (15 July 2017)

Child support: Stop bullying dads. It’s not fair, by Corrine Barraclough (17 April 2017) Australia

Scarlett Johansson’s divorce case shows why men are scared of being stay-at-home dads (10 March 2017)

Dad’s DNA Nightmare: Your legal questions answered (13 February 2017) Men can’t win. When you read this story, and then others about non-biological parents (men) who are forced to pay child support until age 18 even when DNA evidence is available!

Son, let me tell you all about how dadsplaining works (13 January 2017)

5-Year-Old Boy Accidentally Walks to School on Saturday, So Cops Arrested Dad (28 December 2016)

How ‘Disney Dads’ are making life hell for their partners (23 October 2016) Australia. Related Reddit discussion thread here.

MPs call for end to abusive men using courts against families (16 September 2016) UK. How dare these uppity men insist on defending themselves against false accusations of neglect and/or domestic violence.

How ‘dad deprivation’ could be eroding modern society (22 June 2016)

Canberra psychologist disciplined after labelling children with unrecognised condition (7 June 2016) Australia

Mothers DON’T have stronger bonds with their children than fathers (26 April 2016)

Most powerful American feminist organization kills another shared parenting bill: N.O.W.’s crusade against actual gender equality slips into the limelight (16 April 2016) USA

Family Court rules kids can stay as dad’s private habits won’t affect them (17 March 2016)

British Employers: Good for Pregnancy, Bad for Sick Leave (18 February 2016) Comparison of Maternity leave/Paternity leave in various European countries

The untold grief of childless men (14 February 2016) Australia

Dumb-Ass Stuff We Need To Stop Saying To Dads (8 February 2016) USA

The men hijacking family law reforms (6 February 2016) Australia. Ooh, see the feminist journo seethe when pollies listen to fathers for a change

Dear Dad, from a boy (16 December 2015) Satirical Australian video in response to the feminist #DearDaddy campaign

The Beauty of Men, by Mark Dent (16 November 2015)

Yahoo Parenting Doesn’t Care About Male Survivors of Abuse (16 November 2015) Reddit mensrights discussion thread

Gender bias in family law in Australia (14 November 2015) Reddit discussion thread and linked article

Men are Losers, says new feminist campaign (6 March 2015) Video

Australian Family Law Gender Inequality (26 October 2015) Reddit mensrights discussion thread

I am a dad. Not a terrorist (Australian blog post)

Study Throws Light on Maternal Gatekeeping (31 August 2015)

How to treat him as a human being (2 September 2015)

Backlash and praise for lawyer who spoke out for men (31 July 2015) Australia

Fathers stage protest at Westminster Abbey (21 June 2015)

Why men don’t want to be dads (June 2015)

Moms. Let dad be dad (16 June 2015)

Beware the ‘stray-at-home’ dad (4 June 2015) and related reddit mensrights discussion thread

Rand Paul cites a ‘lack of fathers’ in Baltimore. Here’s what the data actually show (29 April 2015) and related reddit mensrights discussion thread

“Can we make them talk about your father?”: Reclaiming Respect for Fatherhood (11 April 2015)

Most dads are deadbeats? (20 March 2015)

6 Truths About Dads Feminists don’t Want You to Know, by Janet Bloomfield (21 March 2015)

Fatherlessness linked to increased risk of child abuse (31 January 2015) by Augusto Zimmermann

Daddy lies (Youtube video)

Why there won’t be a male pill anytime soon (25 November 2014)

Weekend Dad Ken Doll (23 November 2014) Youtube video

The ‘baby talk’ gap? Moms may favor girls when talking to infants (3 November 2014)

Shared parenting laws misrepresented by ex-judge Richard Chisolm (23 October 2014) Reddit mensrights discussion thread and linked article (Australia)

Halle Berry’s Child-Support Fight: Female Breadwinners Can’t Have It Both Ways (20 October 2014)

New fathers must have same pay rights as mothers, says Nick Clegg, who vows to smash ‘Edwardian’ view on raising children (20 October 2014)

Article from the National Parents Organisation about dealing with the issue of custodial parents wasting child support money (19 October 2014)

A permanent family crisis (11 October 2014)

‘Culture of not talking’ with fathers (29 September 2014)

The vengeful mothers who tear fathers from their children’s lives (15 September 2014)

‘Dangerous, feckless and disinterested’ – former social worker on how stereotypes about dads put families at risk (11 September 2014)

Park swing controversy: Is this what being a dad in 2014 is like? (3 September 2014)

Robin Williams $30 million alimony to ex-wives contributed to his death (17 August 2014)

Why great husbands are being abandoned (13 August 2014)

Reddit discussion thread regarding public reaction to men with their young children (13 August 2014)

A stay-at-home dad reports on the mommy wars (12 August 2014)

Divorce-related Malicious Mother Syndrome (1995)

False accusations of paedophilia damage fathers involved in custody battles (23 July 2014)

Why men can be just as good primary parents as women (24 July 2014)

Not the father but court refuses application to have paternity payments refunded (24 July 2014)

Why Swedish men take so much paternity leave (22 July 2014)

Rewritten NHS baby guidelines ban the word ‘dad’ (12 July 2014)

The pre-pregnancy contract (10 July 2014)

Fathers trump mothers when it comes to reading (25 June 2014)

A new generation of dads juggles work and childrearing (27 June 2014)

Father with no rights: Mother stops him seeing daughter for 12 YEARS – despite 82 court orders demanding she back down (9 December  2013)

‘Daddy Don’t Go’ Documentary Aims To Help Dads Reject the ‘Deadbeat’ Label (4 December 2013)

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2014/06/05/dads-who-stay-home-because-they-want-to-has-increased-four-fold/

Child psychologist Penelope Leach says sleepovers at dads ‘may damage brain’ (18 May 2014) Unbelievable that the media would publicise such views, and imagine the uproar from the feminist lobby if the genders were reversed. In this article the author of the study cited by Ms. Leach rebukes for misrepresenting his findings. Imagine that, a feminist misrepresenting the actual facts in order to further their own ideology … who would have thought?

Manifesto of the new fatherhood (13 June 2014)

Why dads matter (23 February 2014)

Lack of justice for fathers is one of the biggest scandals of our time (17 June 2014)

http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/287dh3/poll_how_many_dads_are_here_today_not_being_able/

https://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/6089613/mum-not-dad-more-likely-to-neglect-kids/ (23 September 2009)

Vernon Beck (Youtube)

The best first date (Youtube)

Interview with Barry Williams of the Lone Fathers Association Barry is a true pioneer of the Mens Rights movement in Australia

Dr. Jennifer McIntosh, Anti-father “Researcher” Humiliated (22 May 2014)

“…an estimated 50,000 persons are kept in jail or in prison on any given day in the U.S. for child support arrears.” (13 January 2012) Statistics such as this need to be probed, but with feminists controlling the relevant government agencies we know that is not going to happen anytime soon. For example, how many of these men are not the biological parent of the child in question? How many women are not paying their share of child support, and what percentage of them are being jailed? etc

A mans right to choose (20 October 2000)

Fathers are treated as mere sperm donors‘ (16 June 2013)

Child support protest under way in Florida (20 April 2014)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/democracylive/scotland-26466965

http://journalstar.com/news/local/911/nebraska-high-court-again-rules-father-s-consent-necessary-for/article_16e69668-f0f0-58c2-a683-8e6c4b127835.html

http://antimisandry.com/articles/systemic-war-against-fathers-309.html

http://fullcomment.nationalpost.com/2014/03/19/barbara-kay-after-a-divorce-equal-parenting-rights-should-be-the-norm/

http://www.mgtowhq.com/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=474 (Divorce horror stories)

http://judgybitch.com/2014/04/04/dating-single-fathers-just-say-yes-a-note-for-all-the-single-ladies/

http://www.avoiceformen.com/misandry/an-ambiguous-apology-or-just-bullshit/

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/ncaaf/2014/04/19/todd-hoffner-minnesota-state-mankato/7915369/

http://www.answerisland.com/child-support-kickbacks.html About custody decisions and child support payments in the USA

http://www.tampabay.com/news/courts/he-says-he-said-no-to-sex-now-says-no-to-child-support/1183449

Reddit discussion thread about the issue of spousal support

For information about the situation in Australia see the linked papers listed below:

http://www.australianmensrights.com/Fathers_Rights-Australia/Rise_of_Australian_Fathers_Rights_Groups_Worries_Australian_Feminists.aspx

http://mensrightsmelbourne.com/2014/04/07/family-court-australia-march-2014-update-senator-john-madigan-dlp/

Fathers demand mandatory paternity testing (see also http://mensrights.com.au/category/paternity-dna/ for related articles)

http://www.khou.com/news/Men-owe-child-support-despite-not-being-fathers-172217511.html

http://au.avoiceformen.com/allnews/australian-mp-george-christensen-speaks-out-about-family-lawchild-support-system-reform/

baby_doll

gorillafunny_meme-169x300

In a discussion thread on reddit.com/r/MensRights, created in response to the meme shown above (centre), ‘AmazingFlightLizard’ posted:

“… I’m a single dad to two little girls after their mom decided it was more important to go be a party girl. Go fxxk yourself.”

Take a look at the interesting discussion that ensued at http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1y6htj/on_my_facebook_i_just_hate_this_garbage_so_much/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter judgejudy

fatherless