When men have a daughter (another tale of male-blaming and silencing)

At the time of writing the Weinstein affair remains an ongoing and evolving media phenomenon. The hypocrisy of this one does my head in.

Imagine … All men being demonised for being the same gender as the alleged perpetrator at the centre of a major scandal. Men offer comments supportive of female victims of sexual harassment, and condemnatory of male perpetrators, but are dismissed or even shamed for doing so. Meanwhile other men are shamed for not commenting.

Men subseqently re-frame/qualify their thoughts/feelings in the light of well-publicised research – research that proposes that men understand and empathise with women better when they have sisters, wives and daughters. Men are then shamed on the basis that their amended and qualified message of support doesn’t treat women as humans.

Men, the beasts that they are, just can’t seem to say or do the right thing.

Women are a different kettle of fish. It goes without saying that nowhere, nowhere are they responsible. For anything. Not for being victims or alleged victims. Not for helping Harvey trick/lure women into private meetings in hotel rooms (their excuse). Not for willingly following the casting-couch route to financial rewards. Not for remaining silent when they knew what was going on, in many cases accepting payment for doing so. And absolutely not, for they themselves harassing others.

Note that I have addressed the topic of harassment in the workplace in another blog post. This current post is more about feminist shaming, bitterness and hypocrisy set against the backdrop of the media furore surrounding Harvey Weinstein’s real and alleged misbehaviour.

Feminists have long been telling men – even feminist men – that they have no legitimate right to talk about feminism, or about specific topics that they (feminists) consider to be women’s issues. They typically assert that men have no understanding of women’s lived experience, and have nothing worthwhile to contribute. Here’s a recent Australian example.

As a consequence men are most reluctant to offer up public comment on such matters. This situation is addressed in the following blog posts:

Beware the ire of an angry feminist
Nice guys, nice guys™ and the friendzone
A feminist laments: “Why do so few men turn up to hear women speak?”
Karen Straughan and others on feminist shaming tactics

The media informs us however that men move one rung up the ladder when they have wives and/or daughters. See for yourself – just do a google search using terms such as “when men have a daughter” or “men change after having daughter”. Year in and year out, article after article based on this assertion:

Why the best words a dad can hear are… It’s a girl! (7 June 2017)
Men Really Do Get Less Sexist When They Have Daughters (3 June 2017)

This is the backdrop to the emergence of the Weinstein affair. Or at least the October 2017 version thereof. Because, as we are finding out more each day, plenty of people were ‘in the know’ before now.

The first development after the publication of the initial allegations was men being blamed for not speaking out against Harvey Weinstein. See for example:

Hollywood men silent over Weinstein allegations as women speak out (11 October 2017), with a later contribution being … Men who are silent after #MeToo: it’s time to speak up (20 October 2017)

Sure enough, after being given what they assumed to be the media’s ‘green light’ to enter the debate, more men spoke out to condemn Weinstein and/or to condemn the problem of sexual harassment generally.

Thus the next wave of outrage was in relation to men speaking out against Weinstein, especially those mentioning that they were motivated to do so, in part, because they had wives/daughters. Some examples of the media coverage include:

You don’t need to be a father to stand up to abusers. You need to believe women (13 October 2017)

Some questions for the “Fathers of daughters” condemning Harvey Weinstein (13 October 2017)

Men don’t need to have daughters to be concerned about women (13 October 2017)

People Are Dragging Men Who Say They Care About Rape Culture Because They Have A Daughter (12 October 2017)

Does any reasonable person seriously believe that men referencing the girls/women in their lives meant women any disrepect? Think of any other instance where this ‘logic’ has been proposed, because I can’t. I can think, for example of discussions regarding childhood disability or illness whereby parents comment along the lines of “as a parent of a child with autism …“. Were those parents insinuating that their autistic kids were less than human?

Then there was the push-back against the push-back. Men are mostly guilty and should do more to stop themselves and their brothers, including but not limited to public self-flagellation:

Dear Men: It’s you, too (19 October 2017) by Roxane Gay & attracting 1,397 readers comments

How men can help after Weinstein and #MeToo (22 October 2017)

“After the flood of #MeToo posts, critics charged that the hashtag continues to put the onus on victims to speak up while letting men off the hook. In response, some have shared lists of tips on how men can stop this behaviour from flourishing.”

And to remove any doubt about who’s wearing the pants in this debate, the usual feminist voices pressed long and hard on the ‘all men are responsible’ button:

It’s not the job of “Hollywood women” to ‘fix’ sexual harassment (12 October 2017)

The men who kept Harvey Weinstein’s secrets safe are all around us (11 October 2017)

Harvey Weinstein Scandal: Men In Hollywood Staying Silent? | The View (10 October 2017) Video. Reddit discussion thread here

Oh, and for any other men who dared offer an opinion, because “… some people – and more particularly, men – seem to think that it’s not the feelings of the alleged victims that matter. No, it’s actually their feelings that are important.”

Men of Hollywood – don’t make this Harvey Weinstein situation about you (13 October 2017)

‘Cancel the Christmas party’: 2017’s the year of the ‘confused’ man (16 November 2017) Rather than working with men to resolve confusion about what constitutes appropriate behaviour, feminist journo prefers to mock for what she sees as a weak ‘excuse’. Anything but helpful.

As is usually the case, any rebuttal was muted and provided by male-positive writers like Martin Daubney and Kathy Gyngell:

This #MeToo witch-hunt will destroy women’s happiness (23 October 2017)

Weinstein’s actions are revolting – but don’t tell me all men are to blame (11 October 2017)

So male voices were silenced again and the debate wrested back into the hands of feminists/liberals satisfying their ongoing imperative to control the narrative. But things didn’t entirely go their way, as derailments followed (and continue to this day), namely:

Articles highlighting the hypocrisy of the Hollywood democrat/leftist elite in turning the backs for so long, and regarding Harvey Weinstein as an archtypical nice guy & supporter of feminism, for example:

“Weinstein, the reports noted, had been a prominent donor to causes that address gender inequality, especially in the entertainment industry” (Source)

Harvey Weinstein and Feminism (19 October 2017)

Watch When Barbara Walters and The View Coverup For Harvey Weinstein Types (15 October 2017)

Jane Fonda: I knew about Weinstein, and I’m ‘ashamed’ I didn’t say anything (12 October 2017)

Ah but of course the feminist lobby will never admit weakness or fault, so their strategy here is to double-down on their ongoing ‘feminist men aren’t feminists’ offensive (example, with more in the opening section of this blog post).

Articles highlighting the elements of dog-piling, misandry, vengeance and hysteria that is occurring, for example:

#MeToo: A moral panic about men (18 October 2017)

Male Victim Erasure and Backlash in #MeToo Campaign (17 October 2017)

The hysteria in the Harvey Weinstein scandal (12 October 2017)

Finally, I note that mention has yet to be made of sexual harassment perpetrated by influential women. There has, however, been some limited and peripheral acknowledgement of the harassment of men/boys by men:

Corey Feldman celebrates ‘turning of the tide’ on Hollywood sex abuse (17 October 2017)

Hollywood’s Other ‘Open Secret’ Besides Harvey Weinstein: Preying on Young Boys (16 October 2017)

Weinstein saga leads James Van Der Beek to share personal story of sexual harassment (12 October 2017)

Actor Terry Crews recalls being sexually assaulted by Hollywood exec (11 October 2017)

In closing, Cathy Young has written an excellent article that touches on a number of the issues mentioned above.

See also:

Paul Elam’s take on this topic from a Red Pill perspective
This piece by Gideon Scopes entitled ‘Rethinking Gender, Sexuality and Violence’, This article by D.C MacAllister in the The Federalist

Women in politics fear #MeToo moment will backfire — and they’ll be the ones punished (12 December 2017)

A panic is not an answer: We’re at imminent risk of turning this #metoo moment into a frenzied rush to blame all men (26 November 2017) by Christina Hoff Summers

Kathy Gyngell: The silence of the males (13 November 2017)

Knee-touching MPs? I took advantage of men to get ahead at Westminster: By Spectator columnist MELISSA KITE, who admits flirting shamelessly to get scoops (14 November 2017)

The #MeToo sexual harassment hysteria is a pretext for women to take power and money from men (21 December 2017)

Other posts in this blog related to this topic include:

Don’t look at me! No wait. Look at me!
Girls showing their bits = empowerment? patriarchal exploitation? self-indulgence? other?
#HeForShe: Men pressed into service with nary a hint of ‘quid pro quo’
Nice guys, nice guys™ and the friendzone
On Gender Traitors, White Knights and Manginaso

On housework and ’emotional labour’

You may have noticed articles appearing on the above topics with increasing regularity. Almost without exception the theme is one of men as unappreciative, lazy, selfish, oafs. We are told that women who are in heterosexual relationships are routinely forced to pick up the slack, and are consequently unhappy and disadvantaged.

Until now I collated articles on this theme in (mostly) the following blog posts:

The ‘Marriage Strike’ and MGTOW
Men & women and their attitudes to marriage and parenthood

From this point forward, however, I will consolidate all such articles in this new post, and progressively add my own commentary.

Related references:

Bettina Arndt looks at housework (10 April 2019) Video

OECD: Time spent in paid and unpaid work, by sex (undated) When you add paid & unpaid work together then gender differences all but disappear.

Sharing the parenting duties could be key to marital bliss: study (3 October 2017)

Most of the articles on this theme don’t acknowledge that men are, on average, doing more around the house than they have ever done before. This article bucks the trend:

“Although men have increased their housework time since the 1970s, they more typically perform the least-urgent chores, like changing lightbulbs or car maintenance”. Err, thanks for the bouquet

Gender equality begins at home: empty the dishwasher, guys, by Judith Ireland (1 May 2015) and related reddit mensrights discussion thread. And here is a February 2017 article on the same theme.

At home, women treat men as if they are barely competent (10 February 2015)

The two articles below argue a case that’s somewhat different to the usual feminist assertions:

Men Who Do More Housework Have Less Sex (1 April 2013)

The More Chores A Husband Does, The More Likely The Marriage Will End In Divorce (28 September 2012)

Apparently there’s not enough “educated” men nowadays

Until recently articles about women having trouble finding/securing dating or marriage partners were often quoted as querying “Where have all the good men gone?“. I talk about this in another post called ‘MGTOW and the Marriage Strike‘.

The rationale is that men are deficient in that they are failing in their responsibilities (to women) through their immaturity and/or by simply not trying hard enough to please. There is never a suggestion of any shortcomings on the part of women.

I’ve noticed we seem to be transitioning to a new meme, similar yet different to the last. In this one men are still deficient – they are now said to be playing video games instead of doing the work or study necessary to improve their educational/financial position.

We are told that educated women are complaining because, apparently, there are not enough “educated” men to partner with. Here’s an example of an article on this theme (with a response from an MRA here). As a consequence, these privileged women say, they must freeze their eggs and/or become solo parents by way of artificial insemination, etc.

Of course it would make sense to delve deeper into why men are staying home playing video games and/or are becoming increasingly under-represented in universities, but the debate stalls at the shaming stage. Because … still no suggestion of any shortcomings or blame on the part of women. (This blog entry illustrates what might otherwise be said and discussed)

I saw this program about solo parenthood on TV the other night. Interesting, though very much gynocentric in terms of the issues explored/presented. I saw women who had quite negative attitudes towards men and/or who freely admitted that they were not prepared to compromise in terms of any aspect of potential traditional pairings. On the other hand they were most willing to compromise their independent/empowered woman status when it came to having others around them support and/or subsidise their lifestyle choice.

The perspective of straight men and their attitudes and experiences was not addressed. Sperm donors who chose not to establish/maintain contact with their offspring were presented as insensitive cads. No hint was provided as to what other factors that might have contributed to their behaviour, for e.g. the possibility of being lumbered with eighteen years of child support payments.

Then I read firstly this article, then another, and another, these being just a few examples of a spate of pieces on this theme. As is often the case, there were some quite illuminating reader’s comments following each, including this offering:

“Feminism is already a dead woman walking. All feminism has is shaming language and the State (ironically, ultimately other men) to keep men to the feminist line.

But now, increasingly, the shaming doesn’t work. And men are disengaging from society in general to avoid entanglements with the state; if you don’t get married, you can’t be divorced, if you don’t co-habit you can’t have half your stuff appropriated, if you don’t have children, you can’t be on the hook for child support, if you don’t enter the corporate world you can’t be be accused of ‘harassment’ and if you don’t date you drastically reduce your chance of a false rape accusation.

These are genuine threat points for men in the modern world that didn’t exist before feminism. It speaks to the feeble minds of feminists that they would think that men will simply carry on as they did when these threats did not exist. For the last 50 years men (mostly) still did. But that’s over now.

So men are doing what they have always done: survey their environment, understand it, and behave rationally according to it. Which means, increasingly, living their lives without regard to what women want. This does not mean living without sex, relationships or female company. Just that the investment men make in all these areas is being dramatically reduced.

As feminism reduces the value of women (in men’s eyes), so men are reducing the amount of time, effort, attention and money they are willing to spend for the declining benefits modern women now bring to their lives.

But the real news is that the true cost of feminism, first born by men, and then children, is now being passed on to women. Record numbers of women are living alone, record numbers of women are childless, record numbers are on psychiatric medication, record numbers are facing a life-time of wage slavery in grinding jobs that they can never leave. And still feminism spins these outcomes as the conscious choices of these women and as ’empowering’.

And yet, women’s self-reported happiness, across all classes, all races, all demographics is lower than ever since records began 50 years ago. Tellingly, for the first time ever, their happiness is also now lower than men’s.

But you do not need to read ‘The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness’ to know this. Just talk to the increasing number of 30 and 40 year old childless spinsters one on one – not in a group – to get the REAL story. The REAL effect of feminism in the REAL world. These women don’t give two hoots about feminism, they are just wondering where all the good husbands, hell, ANY decent man, went.

Mostly, disgusted with what feminism has done to women, he walked away.

For the truth is that men don’t want to fight women, it goes against the core of what it means to be a man. But feminism thrust men into a fight that they neither started nor wanted. To the point that feminists are reduced to crowing about ‘winning’ battles that men never turned up for.

And even now, as feminism pushes and pushes and pushes to ever more absurd levels, as ever more restrictions are placed on normal masculine behavior, ever more insane definitions of ‘rape’, ‘assault’, and ‘aggression’ are drafted into law in increasingly desperate attempts to somehow, anyhow, cast women as perpetual victims – even now – men are still refusing to be drawn into a real battle.

That’s how deeply men do not want to fight women.

The sound of the final battle between the sexes will not be heard in the streets or legislatures. It will not be televised or reported. There will be no flags hoisted or victory parades. Because it is already in progress. It is happening all around us in plain sight, for those with the eyes to see it.

And men are deploying the most devastating weapon of all – indifference. In this final battle who cares least wins.

The time has come to reap the harvest of feminism, and for women the fruit will be bitterest of all.”

And here is further evidence of the feminist hive-mind in action with another series of almost identical articles on a related theme – young men allegedly addicted to video games:

On Tinder, only women have a preference for highly-educated partners (24 July 2019)

Unemployed and don’t care: why young men aren’t working (1 April 2017) A sexist hit-piece in a professional journal of all places. The author wilfully confuses cause & effect when discussing unemployment amongst young men. See reader’s comments including:

“placing the blame of men not working on video games seems like such a stretch of the imagination as to be unbelievable”

The curious political effect of men losing their breadwinner role, by Jena McGregor (24 April 2017)

Why Some Men Don’t Work: Video Games Have Gotten Really Good‘ (3 July 2017)

Will Darwinism kill Feminism? (7 July 2017) A great offering on the issue from Martin Daubney

We’re losing a whole generation of young men to video games‘ (8 July 2017)

Link between young men spending more time gaming and less working (13 July 2017)

It’s not just young men — everyone’s playing a lot more video games (11 July 2017) Oh gee, someone finally provided corresponding stats for women

No eligible men (10 July 2017) This video kind of sums it all up

See also:

Women admit that marriage is prostitution, and they like it that way (10 September 2019) Another worthwhile video in the ‘Regarding Men‘ series

Women freeze their eggs to allow men to get ahead in their careers (3 July 2018) UK

D’oh! Women ‘marrying down’ as men become less educated (9 November 2017) with related Reddit discussion thread here

The second half of this Sargon of Akkad video deals with the ‘lack of educated men’ issue (October 2017)

‘Marrying up’ is now easier for men, improves their economic well-being, study finds (28 August 2017) I think they really mean ‘marrying up should now be easier for men’. And again, if the genders were reversed, there would certainly not be the same meek acceptance of the women being failed by the education system.

College-Educated Women Can’t Find Good Men – What’s to blame? (3 February 2016)

The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women, by David M Buss (January 2016) USA. An article written by a male academic, but from a wholly gynocentric perspective.

These women can’t find enough marriageable men (24 September 2015) and related reddit discussion thread here

Rich educated women cannot find husbands and it’s all your fault,  by Sargon of Akkad (10 May 2015) Video

Where are all the smart men? (3 May 2015) New Zealand with related reddit mensrights discussion threads here and here. A separate, and even more ignorant editorial here concludes with “The failure of men to foot it with them educationally in equal numbers is no reason to change the education system or promote men undeservedly. The shortage of partners for highly educated women is a problem only men can solve. Get your credentials, boys.”

Some other related posts within this blog:

On boys and education
Men & women and their attitudes to marriage and parenthood
How men are portrayed … Haw Haw Haw! The jokes on us
We’ve all heard of the gender ‘income gap’, but what about the ‘expense gap’?

Men & women and their attitudes to marriage and parenthood

I saw two items about parenthood yesterday that got me thinking about a number of the issues I have written about in this blog.

The first item I saw was an article in The Courier Mail, entitled ‘Go forth and procreate sooner’ by Belinda Seeney (“We need to support women aiming to have babies earlier to beat age-related infertility”). The second was an ABC TV documentary called ‘Cherry’s parenting dilemmas’.

A distinguishing feature of both was the total lack of any mention of the role or significance of men in the topic under discussion. It was not that the discussion was gender-neutral – it was more like men were completely inconsequential. This is indicative of a society where the ongoing relevance or value of men in parenting (and in fact, generally) is increasingly under-valued. Another feature shared by both of these stories was the privileged western societies that formed their contextual backdrop.

Most readers would be aware of demographic trends now taking place in many western countries, including for example falling birth rates, increasing age at marriage, increasing age at becoming a parent, the rise in single person households, the rise in single parenthood, etc. I want to briefly mention a few other trends or developments that I see as relevant to this discussion.

  • Recent/current research that is increasingly showing the critical importance of having a father actively involved in raising a child, or conversely, the negative implication for the well-being of the child where a father is absent from the household
  • The Marriage Strike and the MGTOW movement, and the factors underlying both
  • Increasing influence of feminist ideology in western societies, and the consequent demonization of men, and negative discrimination towards them

Where do I see things heading ?

  • More and more women moving against feminist ideology and rediscovering the value and legitimacy of parenthood and therefore more women wishing to have children, and at an earlier age.
  • More and more women recognizing the value of having a man (or men) actively involved in the rearing of their children
  • More and more men discovering the costs and negative effects on them of parenthood and so avoiding parenthood for longer, or entirely
  • Continued or even worsening economic austerity making parenthood more and more unaffordable, particularly for single parents

So as things stand now, just as more and more western women are wanting to have more and more children, there will be less and less men willing to partner with them. This is not selfishness or immaturity on the part of the men, it is a rational response to both real and potential threats faced by them in relation to marriage and parenthood. We need to recognise and address those issues, issues such as bias against men in the family court system. If we fail to do so and the than those that will suffer most will be women and children. Yay feminism!

See also:

Researchers Blame Marriage Rate Decline On A “Lack Of Economically-Attractive Men” (7 September 2019)

Young women are turning their back on sharing wealth with their partner, survey reveals (22 July 2019) UK

Choosing not to have children? For women it’s empowering, but for men it’s juvenile (18 January 2019)

CNN Advocates Female Infidelity As Best Way For Women To “Endure” Modern Marriage (6 October 2017)

Laurie Penny: Why women are better off single (14 September 2017)

Clementine Ford: Why most grand romantic gestures are anything but romantic (12 September 2017)

Where the Good Men Have Gone and How to Get Them Back, by Suzanne Venker (22 May 2017)

‘There’s been a seismic social shift’: Why it’s now MEN who say they’ve been destroyed by divorce – while their wives are quick to bounce back (18 May 2017) UK

Nika Fate-Dixon: Are Some Millennials Rethinking the Gender Revolution? Long-Range Trends in Views of Non-Traditional Roles for Women (30 March 2017)

The day I put my wife in her place (20 March 2017)

Why are married women leaving their men? (14 April 2016)

Want to bump the birth rate in the West? Pay men (15  August 2016)

Cuckold Your Husband: The Raw Marriage Deal For Men (27 May 2016) A rebuttal to the article below

Women Are Now Cheating As Much As Men, But With Fewer Consequences (26 May 2016)

Why can’t he find men to marry the women he is teaching to have contempt for men? (11 May 2016)

Fewer women are seeking divorce as men behave less badly: Number of wives seeking split drops by half since the mid 1980s (27 December 2015) with related reddit discussion thread here

Feminist in ‘open marriage’ leaves husband for another man (17 November 2015) Included here mainly for the reader’s comments in the linked article

Are today’s women too picky for their own good? (10 November 2015) UK

Why you can’t find a man: Hypergamy Floats (12 September 2015) Video by Paul Proteus

She’s keeping her vow, by Dalrock (5 September 2015)

Post-divorce reality (11 August 2015)

“You’re just intimidated by accomplished women!” (10 July 2015) Reddit mensrights discussion thread

Women’s Greatest Problem: The Myth of the Submissive Alpha Male (25 June 2015)

Petty things I do to get back at my husband (3 June 2015) Like spitting in his coffee? Ewww. As detailed in one of hundreds of reader’s comments

Single Motherhood, in Decline Over All, Rises for Women 35 and Older (8 May 2015)

How The Search For Love Fuels China’s Housing Bubble (4 May 2015)

Gender equality begins at home: empty the dishwasher, guys, by Judith Ireland (1 May 2015) and related reddit mensrights discussion thread. And here is a more recent (Feb 2017) article on the same theme. But then read this article.

Spinster: how feminists celebrate being a selfish witch (24 April 2015)

When it comes to raising my child, a husband would be excess baggage (9 April 2015)

Ready for the marriage apocalypse? (8 April 2015)

How much should a husband share with his wife?, by Dalrock (6 March 2015)

Eva Mendes said you can’t keep a man (1 April 2015)

Bachelor Nation: 70% of Men Aged 20-34 Are Not Married (12 February 2015) Author pushes the standard line that men aren’t marrying because they are immature. More than 2,000 readers put her on the right track

How marriage would work in a free society (22 February 2015)

MythBusters (TV show) asks whether money makes men more attractive (8 September 2014)

I don’t want children but worry my husband is getting broody (19 May 2013) If consent to sex is given under false pretences is now considered to be rape, then surely the situation described in this article is fraud?

At home, women treat men as if they are barely competent (10 February 2015)

Or maybe it’s you (2 February 2015)

Marriage rates plummet – Projection of never-married rates to 2017 (12 August 2013)

Where Have All the Good Men Gone?: Gender Differences in Marriageability (8 October 2014)

Why women are rejecting “perfect” men (18 September 2014)

More grim news for carousellers hoping to jump at the last minute (24 November 2012) from Dalrock’s blog

All the lonely feminist spinsters (14 October 2011)

What women really want – money: Research finds women look for well-paid job first in partner (11 April 2011)

It might also be worth reading this article about gynocentrism to get further understanding of the ‘big picture’ that surrounds and underpins the above-mentioned issues.