Whilst that paper was the final trigger that led to me writing this post, the primary motivation was the seemingly endless stream of articles about sex and relationships by (invariably female) media columnists that preceded it.
At the outset let me state that I am not any kind of expert on the subject. Not at all. My only qualifications are being a male who’s had a reasonable amount of life experience, and being the father of a teenage boy about whose future welfare I’m deeply concerned.
Hands up who has read those articles about sex-related matters like consent, relationships, pornography and men’s (alleged) ignorance and many (alleged) psychological and physical failings in the bedroom. Just to provide an Australian example, think Nadia Bokody. And there is another one, but I can’t think of her name. [Several hours later: Oh, I remember, it’s Jana Hocking]. Both of whom, as an aside, have blocked me on Twitter – although that’s par for the course.
The annoying thing about these columns is their multitude of false statements and false assumptions, and their persistently negative views on men and masculinity.
That, and the fact that:
there is never a corresponding male perspective – other than a ‘white knight’ or male feminist perspective – presented to readers, and
the many real and potential negatives for males – of partaking in anything along the hook-up – courtship – marriage continuum are conveniently overlooked. Things like the threat of false accusations, revenge porn, paternity fraud and financial exploitation, bullying/abuse, rape, and so on and so forth.
In my experience at least, the current crop of female columnists tend to be extremely one-sided … to the point of either being deliberately misleading and/or being woefully ignorant of real-world relationship matters outside their own particular clique. They also rarely – and I think I’d almost go as far as to say, never – identify corresponding failings on the part of women. Well, other than in getting physical with all those wretched, exploitative and ungrateful men.
The fact that most of their social media posts now (deliberately) do not permit readers to post comments, suggests that many others are also fed up with their offerings.
Just a few points or examples … such columnists invariably state, assume and/or infer that:
All women/girls like or dislike or expect the same things as per other women/girls (and that individuals are consistent with respect to the nature of their own likes/expectations)
When men cheat (allegedly that’s relatively often) they are pigs whereas women rarely cheat, and when they do it’s usually their partners fault
Women/girls are knowledgeable about not just their own bodies, but also about men’s bodies and their sexuality
Women/girls express their views clearly and often, but they are deliberately ignored or disregarded by their male partners
Women clearly and truthfully express their views with regards to providing consent for sexual activity, and don’t often change their minds during the ensuing hours (if not minutes)
Women don’t just expect, but like, men to ask them for their consent at each stage of engaging in sexual activity
All of which I would place in the ‘Easter Bunny is real’ category … aka, nonsense.
Further, these online messengers of the matriarchy send a clear message that men are *lucky* to be chosen as sexual partners. And that if only they were better at doing whatever they are meant to be doing, then heaven awaits. And their ‘proof’ that women have their ‘act together’ in the bedroom? That’s because significantly more men orgasm than do women. Wow. I always thought that was simply reflective of men’s greater ability to close their eyes and imagine that they were with someone desirable.
Oh please! Hands up guys, putting aside the brief and very temporary relief of sexual hunger, how lucky do you feel when *it* occurs? Is sex that great for you? How many times, at the end of the day, do your sexual encounters – all factors considered – rate as even a net positive experience? And if you could travel back in time, how many encounters would you readily opt to excise … and simply skip to good coffee and hot shower?
One of the things that the matriarchal mouth-pieces conveniently neglect to mention is (for example) the proportion of women who won’t not have sex unless they are drunk. And it’s not unusual for women to readily admit this to their suitor. This might be their response to a buffet of hang-ups, and/or them being so awash with guilt/shame about just the thought of it.
I suspect that a primary reason for drinking is that, if/when their post-coital mood changes, they feel not merely justified – but comforted – in thinking (or even telling others) that they only did ‘it’ because they were drunk. Or more often, because ‘the guy got me drunk’. Or they can up-size their night out and call it drink-spiking. And then not only is shame/blame hoovered away, but sympathy is almost certain to be on-tap.
And those fellows who happily oblige the ladies, get to share a bed with a drunk – with all that that often entails (think: up-ended klutzy turtle that’s prone to vomit). But more importantly, those *lucky* men are then wading into quicksand with regards to the possibility of facing false accusations of abuse and/or rape – as well as their own feelings of concern and/or regret.
Am I alone in this regard, with views such as these? Feel free to let me know what you think. I could delve into considerable further detail in this post but currently at least, find myself shyly reluctant to do so.
Nadia Bokody: Lie men tell about ‘kinky’ sex (24 April 2022) Because women with a penchant for violence don’t exist, right? Any apparent exceptions to be explained with ‘the men made them do it’ or ‘they only did it to please a man’ lines.
“And because I know someone is going to protest, “Why are you demonising men?! Women can be creeps, too!” it should be noted I’m not suggesting otherwise. However, it would be folly to treat these as comparable issues”.
Damn right it’s not comparable. Police/friends/whoever are not going to believe the male if he (or she) claims sexual assault!
Nadia Bokody: Hilarious sex post angering men (11 December 2021) Hands up how many men found this piece hilarious? And don’t even think about the response you would get from female readers were you able to publish something poking fun at women.
The brutal truth about women and cheating (12 July 2019) Women suggesting ways to change & spice up the sex? Sure that occurs occasionally, but I’d suggest that usually it’s a matter of silence & negative/defensive reaction when such a suggestion is made by the guy.
This Twitter stream lists extracts from a series of article in the ‘Liverpool Echo’, all unquestioningly accepting the relentless bogeyman meme.
I’m sure you’ve previously seen others with the same or similar theme … poor innocent women just wanting a fun night out but some creepy character (=guy) puts something in their drinks and they wind up doing something that they’d never do otherwise …
This Wiki item for ‘Date Rape Drug’ mentions various women who claimed to have been sexually assaulted after their drink was spiked, yet in almost all cases they were not found to have any drugs in their bodies.
Might it be that many women are exercising bad judgement and then, rather than accepting accountability for what subsequently occurred, look about for someone or something to put the blame on? If this was symptomatic of a broader trend re: women’s propensity to shift blame, then clearly there would be very considerable potential for false rape allegations to occur.
Here are some links to further related articles/papers:
Firstly, you may have noticed an abundance of articles in the mainstream media in recent times concerning personal commercial arrangements known as a sugar-daddy relationship. Indeed some media outlets such as news.com.au run stories on this subject, or similar themes, every couple of weeks … see recent examples here and here and here and here, here and here. Oh, and this one’s a classic (13 April 2021).
Today however I was prompted to create a post addressing this topic after reading a feminist journalist’s interpretation of the sugar-daddy phenomenon:
Kasey Edwards doesn’t think that sugar-daddy arrangements are a bad idea because they are, you know, wrong. It’s not because they involve women debasing themselves via voluntarily entering into a parasite/host relationship. And it’s not because these women aren’t walking out into the world standing on their own two, empowered, feet.
No, such arrangements are a bad idea because the women involved might be held in some way (shudder) accountable if exposed. It was suggested that former sugar-daddies would blackmail their babies as “there’s seemingly no downside for powerful men who have sexual arrangements with less powerful women“.
Gee, I bet there would be more than a few ‘powerful’ men who would disagree with that assessment of where most of the risk lies. Prince Andrew … hello? And here’s a recent Australian example.
The cost of exposure could be either tangible (reduced employment opportunity), or more intangible (slut-shaming). Of course, both of these forms of chastisement might be imposed by other women – especially in the latter case.
Oh, and sugar-baby arrangements are also a bad idea because Kasey sees them as a “cynical abuse of male power“.
Nevertheless, the likely feminist defence there would be that that doesn’t count, a ‘rare aberration’ yada yada, borne from ‘internalised misogyny’ yada yada, and being a ‘justifiable push-back against male oppression’ yada yada.
What follows now is a selection of articles and perspectives on this topic. There are also a couple of sources dealing with a somewhat related practice known as ‘rinsing‘.
“I’m always getting slut-shamed and discriminated against because of how I look, she said. Honestly, most of the hate is coming from women, which is always so disappointing. Women need to be supporting each other no matter what, not pulling each other down”.
In a segment on the ‘Sunrise’ morning TV show there appeared a video where actors simulated a display of partner harassment/violence in a public space. In the first scenario the man was the aggressor, and in the second scenario they reversed the roles. The differing reaction by members of the public was profound. The same clip has been circulating on the internet for some time now and has been the subject of much discussion in fora such as Reddit Mens Rights (see link below).
I was interested to see how the topic was dealt with on Sunrise for a couple of reasons. Firstly in promotional clips they seem to suggest that the story was about whether members of the public should intervene in instances of partner violence – rather than about the different reaction to having a male as aggressor versus female as aggressor.
Secondly, I was interested because one of those presenting the story was Andrew O’Keefe who is heavily involved in the ‘White Ribbon Campaign’ in Australia. The issue here is that the ‘White Ribbon Campaign’ is complicit in injecting into the public’s consciousness the notion that ‘domestic violence = men’s violence towards women’. In so doing the ‘Campaign’ and other domestic violence advocacy groups like it, divert attention from the other facets of domestic violence (i.e. M+M, F+F, and female on male violence).
It was indeed ironic then that Andrew tut-tutted the contrasting public reaction to female on male violence shown in the video, given that could be viewed as an outcome of the message broadcast by the White Ribbon Campaign and many pro-feminist organisations like it.
The unfortunate fact is that the average member of the public simply does not now recognise a woman’s aggression towards a male as being domestic violence, or that women’s aggression generally is of any particular social significance.
Youtube has apparently removed at least one video showing women abusing men (after it hit 6,000,000 views), but has left online videos showing men abusing women – details in this reddit discussion thread (30 October 2014)
This discussion thread and linked video isn’t about partner violence, but it does show how many members of the public will paint a man as the aggressor even when a woman initiates violence and continues despite efforts to reason with her.
This paper contains many links to further sources proving examples of male victims of domestic abuse not being taken seriously.
Also not about partner violence but still relevant – this video shows a female student assaulting a male student while a female teacher watches on but fails to control the situation.
Lone women drivers are top priority, says AA after tweet backlash (22 January 2022) This article has nothing to do with partner violence but is included here to illustrate the pervasive gender bias in the media. “We are more at risk physically than men in that situation. It’s just a fact, I’m afraid.” No, it’s not a fact at all.
It’s not clear whether this incident at a US school was partner violence or not, but I have included it here as the media coverage and school commentary certainly display a gender-based double standard (18 February 2016)
An article about gynocentrism: This paper concerns the mindset that underpins the widespread failure to recognise men as being worthy of assistance or positive intervention in situations like domestic violence. This concept is further explored here.
Elsewhere in this blog you might be interested in reading:
This post mainly deals with false accusations or allegations by women in relation to sexual harassment, sexual assault, and domestic violence.
False allegations in relation to online harassment are dealt with in this post. False allegations in relation to paternity fraud are dealt with in this post.
One of the common false claims made by feminists is that men’s rights activists assert that most women who claim to have been raped are lying. Personally I have never seen or heard this statement made by any MHRA. What is often stated however is that there are substantial and unacceptably high numbers of women making false rape accusations, and that this problem should be acknowledged and treated seriously (including charging the false accuser where appropriate).
Being the subject of a false accusation of sexual assault can be, and often is, a traumatic and life-changing experience for anyone. False rape allegations also minimise and demean the suffering and the credibility of victims of actual rape.
Let’s start with the Wikipedia entry for false rape allegations, which extracts data from many different studies. This highlights the practical difficulty in differentiating between false rape allegations, unproven allegations, and ‘not guilty’ verdicts for example. It does however refute the suggestion made by many feminists that false allegations are either non-existent or absolutely negligible.
Here in Australia I came across the following information:
“A Victorian study, which analysed 850 rapes reported to the police over the period 2000–03, found that only 2.1% of reports were designated as false by the police. In these cases, the alleged victim was either charged or told that she would be charged unless she dropped the complaint. While this only represents a fraction of the sample, there was a much larger proportion of cases where police were confident, or reasonably confident, that the allegations were false, but there was no attempt to institute charges against the alleged victim.” (Source here and related reddit discussion thread here)
This article ‘How often do women falsely cry rape?’ gives quite a fair and balanced intro to the issue and can be read in conjunction with the Wiki entry cited above. Further recommended reading:
I would also draw readers attention to a Twitter thread entitled ‘False allegations kill – help us to make a change’ (@KathleenM__).
A further summary of the false abuse and rape allegation literature can be found in a 2013 book by Phillip Cook and Tammy Hodo titled ‘When Women Sexually Abuse Men‘. While statistics in this literature are problematic, Cook and Hodo report four studies that found false allegation rates of 62 percent, 41 percent, 50 percent, and 60 percent.
How and why do women falsely claim to have been sexually assaulted? There are a number of factors underlying the false rape phenomenon, starting with the widespread and exaggerated picture of men as persistent and unrepentant aggressors.
This article mentions women who claimed to have been sexually assaulted after their drink was spiked, yet in almost all cases were not found to have any drugs in their system. (See also this discussion thread). This video provides a detailed analysis of the issue. I’s suggest that it’s highly likely however that there are in fact far more instances of drink-spiking by women – with the intention of theft (example here).
It might well be that many women are exercising bad judgement and then, rather than accepting accountability for what subsequently occurred, look about for someone or something to put the blame on. Were this be indicative of a broader trend re: women’s propensity to shift blame, clearly there is considerable potential for false rape allegations to occur.
The damage to young men who are falsely accused is further magnified via the growing number of university campuses that run kangaroo courts (quite separate from the judicial system) to punish those accused of rape.
Some of the wording used in this article caught my attention:
“We have concluded that we cannot go forward with prosecution because there is not a reasonable likelihood of conviction at trial,” said Senior Charging Attorney Jane Nicoletti-Jones. “In (this case), the statements of a witness other than the suspect or alleged victim were an important part of our decision.” Although officials declined to comment on this case specifically, it illustrates some of the hurdles that accusers and their advocates face when filing sexual assault complaints.” (my emphasis added)
In this case a witness or witnesses cast doubt on the accuracy of the rape accusation, but in this feminist journalists eyes such eyewitness statements are merely “hurdles”. Who cares about the truth or justice anyway … we just need to get those rapists men in jail.
Whilst false accusations are only one of several factors contributing to false imprisonment, it’s worth mentioning that 99% of the prisoners exonerated due to the efforts of the Innocence Project were male, and that more than half of them were initially found guilty of rape.
The list of links below concern specific cases involving false allegations against men by women (and in some cases by women against other women). Such reports appear in the media quite frequently. As a consequence many further cases can be readily sourced via online searches. Scroll down the page for sources providing a general discussion of this topic.
“This dishonest woman might exist – in fact, lots and lots of dishonest people exist – but there are thousands more victims for whom the stigma of reporting domestic violence, and not being believed, means they’ll never come forward.
When we see the front page story about a man falsely accused of rape, or framed for domestic violence, we’re allowed to feel sympathy for him. But we need to remember that his story is the exception, not the rule, and often the rule – in this case, countless honest victims – fades into obscurity.
Because when something is normal, it doesn’t make the news. And that’s the saddest part.”
“Pointon broke down in tears and asked if she could drop the charges when her account was challenged by police … Judge Christopher Batty told her: “Your malicious complaint has done a huge disservice to those seeking justice through the police and courts.”
Why do judges never make the point that false rape allegations are very damaging to men, in part due to their lack of anonymity, and offer them some sympathy?” (Source)
“… the court agreed with Joy’s arguments that the lender’s investigation was handled differently because he’s a man.
“The whole factual matrix on which the decision to dismiss was based was, in itself, infused with, and tainted by, discrimination,” Judge Graeme Hodgson said in the ruling. “The conclusions on the claimant’s behavior are founded on stereotyped assumptions of how a man behaves.””
“I’m sorry Kelly but 3 days is rubbish. My ex partner went straight to the Courts and just filled out a form 5 days before Christmas and alleged that I had stalked her, threatened her and abused her and our son. I had to wait three MONTHS before I had my day in court.
I went to court armed to the gills with evidence of her lies and after waiting 6hrs in the court rooms I had 5 mins in court where no body asked me anything, not a word. Her lawyer changed the story at the last minute and then the lovely magistrate decided to postpone the next determination hearing 6 weeks down the track.
I went close to 5 months without seeing my son all because of my ex partners lies. No evidence. Nothing. Never touched her, never threatened her. Ever.
But I was determined to be guilty until proven innocent, and all on the say so of one bitter, twisted person. No one cared about me or my side of the story. The only ones who cared were the lawyers (a prominient law firm) who asked for $10K up front before they would even represent me.
In the end she dropped her accusations after we had to go to court the second time. Her penalty for perjuring herself twice? Nothing. Her penalty for slandering me for 6 months? Nothing. Her penalty for denying my family access to their grandson over Christmas? Nothing. Her penalty for denying my son access to his father? None.
I came so close to topping myself on several occasions during those long dark months that I had to endure being treated like a criminal, like the worst of the worst, the dregs of society.
But I kept on saying to myself that I had to fight for the most important person in the world; my son. I am glad that I had immense support from my family and friends otherwise I probably wouldn’t be here to write you this note.
I am all for very harsh penalties for any person who assaults another but the changes to DV that were made several years ago make basically every possible argument or disagreement in a domestic environment grounds for DV, and all it takes is one person to accuse you and you’re nicked. Well you are if you are a bloke.
There were penalties for perjury in the DV legislation but they were removed. Penalties for knowingly making false statements to police and the courts should be treated just as harshly in my mind. If there are no penalties for lying in court then who can believe what people say in court?” (Source – See reader’s comments from Brett)
Albury sex assault: Investigation finalised (1 May 2015). Notice how no-one actually comes out and says the girl made a false allegation, presumably all too scared that the feminists would get even angrier. No repercussion for the girl making the claim because that would be ‘victim’ blaming. In this article the police even state that they “were adamant they didn’t want the outcome to dissuade people reporting similar incidents. “We encourage anyone who has been the victim of a crime to come forward,” police said. It appears unlikely the teenager who reported the incident will be charged.” Hello! The only crime here was the false allegation. Idiotic PC. Related reddit mensrights discussion thread here
Two girls on a bus in India start beating some young men with their belts. The claim the men groped them. They became internet heros for defending themselves (and womanhood generally). Then the truth gradually leaked out (4 December 2014) And more videos surfaced of them beating men on other occasions.
Every year both men and women and girls and boys are raped. Rape is never OK. There is also a very significant and growing incidence of people falsely accusing others of rape. To knowingly falsely accuse someone of rape is also never OK.
Such false claims can destroy the lives of the accused, and more importantly diminish and demean the validity of those who have actually been victims of rape. To make matters worse, the US Government is now requiring university campuses to undertake hearings and pass judgement on those accused of sexual assault even before the police become involved. This matter is discussed here and in many other recent articles.
The coverage, by feminists, of the issue of rape is often both exaggerated and distorted, for example through the use of ridiculously broad definitions of what actions constitute ‘sexual assault’. The discussion of rape, by feminists, is also incredibly one-sided … addressing the rape of females is of paramount importance whilst the rape of males (by both men and women) is inconsequential.
The linked resources below explore a number of aspects of this important issue: