Whilst Tim’s heart is probably in the right place, a combination of immaturity, male self-loathing, and a compulsion to play the role of ‘white knight‘, has blinded him to reality. And that reality is that many women are abusive, that many men are victims of abuse, and that acknowledging this in no way diminishes ones ability to recognise and empathise the suffering experienced by female victims.
So, OK, how many men are we talking about here? The answer depends on a number of variables, particularly the issue of how domestic violence is defined. As a consequence the ratio of male to female victims has been found to range all the way from one in four up to three in four. Even if one only accepted the lower end of that range, that still amounts to a considerable number of male victims – and certainly far too many to simply disregard as a statistical aberration.
Detailed data and analysis in relation to domestic violence can be found in this other blog post, but I’ll provide a few snippets of information below.
One Australian survey found for example that “the rate of men reporting current partner violence almost doubled (a rise of 175%) since 2005 (an estimated 119,600 men reported such violence in 2012)” (Source)
A survey in the U.S.A reported that “We analyzed data on young US adults aged 18 to 28 years from the 2001 National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, which contained information about partner violence and injury reported by 11,370 respondents on 18,761 heterosexual relationships. Almost 24% of all relationships had some violence, and half (49.7%) of those were reciprocally violent. In nonreciprocally violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70% of the cases.”
A survey in the U.K found that:
(And, for comparision purposes, click here to see the Canadian results for victimisation from violence generally)
**Male victims of domestic violence who are seeking assistance, and who live in Australia, should read this information**
Personal accounts of, and by, abused men
There’s a lot of men suffering the same Abraham, men are less likely to report it though. Its a two way street. I found it degrading after having my bipolar partner restrained by police to be put in an ambulance, that the literature given to me and having called the help line, that it was all geared towards women. Even the men’s help line, when called and told of being involved in domestic abuse, being questioned about what I’d done to abuse her.
You know when she’s off tap and I’m being pushed to the limits, I could just knock her block off, I can handle myself, if it was a bloke doing it, it wouldn’t even be an issue, but its a woman and mother of my children, I’m better than that. My kids have had to witness it for years, they even ask how i endure it without retaliating. But its my job to be their role model, not sport stars or entertainers. I stay composed, controlled. I was safer in Afghanistan or Iraq. It’s time for men to stand up and be more vocal. I’ll start it off.”
“Its not the violence although she has slashed my car tyres to stop me from leaving and has threatened me with a knife on many occasions. It’s the threats to kill herself, or ringing my work, or on many occasions showing up at work because I won’t do exactly what she asks. Several suicide attempts, what am i to tell my kids if I stay at work and she rings and tells me she’s taken an overdose and i keep working. The ambulance wont come on their own anymore when she loses it, the police have to come, because she is violent to the ambulance driver. I’d post videos, but I don’t want her identified on the internet. My kids have been embarrassed enough, they don’t need all their friends knowing.
I said I would start this off, all my friends on here know now, but no-ones going to use it to try get to me, most are smart enough to know better. Like I said if it was a male that was threatening me it wouldn’t be an issue, I did my time in conflict zones, I can handle myself. My pay goes into an account she controls, I get an allowance. I got my pay put into my own account awhile back and she went to our head office and made a scene, nearly got me sacked. So I changed it back to stop her going back. My boss has said to me how I manage to be early every day, get through my day and churn out a high standard work is beyond him. Never late, never take a day off, always try to be upbeat. I do what i do because i am my kids role model, not some sports star or celebrity, I set a standard, I tell them not to react, stay calm and I practice what I preach. (Source)
“I have encountered similar violence by a wife towards her husband and I can promise you, it’s no laughing matter. Especially when men are often brought up to never lift a hand up against a woman. Thankfully, they are no longer together, but she still has most custody of their beautiful little boy. She has gone out of her way to use the son to hurt him, but thankfully family, friends and even a judge has seen through her and have provided him with much needed support. He is a lovely dad who was snared by a vicious, vindictive woman” (Source)
This is my story, as a male survivor of domestic violence (3 February 2017) Reddit discussion thread
Uptown woman arrested after kicking boyfriend’s face in front of police (17 January 2017)
Woman jailed for stabbing boyfriend because he ate all their chips (8 January 2017) UK
Woman spared jail for domestic abuse that left boyfriend in fear (20 December 2016) UK
Dad Abused By Wife Breaks Silence To Call James (9 December 2016) UK
The forgotten male victims of domestic violence (28 November 2016) China
Woman jailed for kicking her partner down the stairs (20 November 2016) UK
FIU’s Jonnu Smith out for season after suffering multiple burns (11 November 2016) USA, and here is one person’s comment re: that incident
A kiss for the wife who stabbed him 13 times (3 November 2016) UK
TV cop star arrested in domestic dispute (31 October 2016)
My wife emotionally abuses me … need advice (27 September 2016) Reddit discussion thread
West Virginian, 39, Put Out Cigarette In Her Boyfriend’s Eye, Police Charge (14 September 2016) USA
Women thought she was setting her ex-partners car on fire (7 September 2016) Video
Chalet holiday ended with drunken woman stabbing her boyfriend (4 September 2016)
ABC Life Matters story on male victims of domestic violence (10 August 2016) Australia
Women on men domestic violence – Personal stories (24 July 2016) Video about a Chinese/American family
Woman charged after alleged reckless wounding (18 July 2016) Australia
Wife Battered Husband Over Candy, Flowers (11 May 2016) USA
Domestic violence: Men are victims, too (25 April 2016) USA
Wife rips off her Romanian husband’s testicles with her bare hands (10 March 2016) Features this readers comment:
“Predictably the top comment is from a woman ridiculing the incident. He doesn’t sound a particularly great husband but would you have found it as amusing if a man had ripped off his wife’s breast because she wasn’t a good wife? Nope, didn’t think so. The comments here just show the gulf in society’s attitudes towards violence to men and women from the opposite sex.”
Sharon Edwards: Violent wife murdered lawyer husband (8 March 2016) UK
“The number of women convicted for domestic violence rose by 30% in the year to April 2015, from 3,735 to 4,866. It marks an upward trend – the number of convictions involving female perpetrators is now six times higher than it was ten years ago”
‘This is actually abuse’: My Kitchen Rules viewers slam Dee for ‘bullying’ husband Tim and tell him to divorce his domineering wife as #SaveTim trends online (1 March 2016) Australia. I have noticed a general pattern with these ‘reality’ style TV shows of women quite often being abusive towards male companions or male contestants in a way that would cause public outrage if the genders were reversed.
The dangers for men in domestic violence, by Jasmin Newman (8 February 2016) Australia
Police: Woman beat man with belt for not getting out of bed (4 February 2016) USA
Cops: Iowan, 33, Battered Husband When He Declined Her Request To Have Sex (25 January 2016) USA
Cops: Woman Attacks Fiancé Over Recycled Ring (13 January 2016) USA
Man’s girlfriend first ‘keys’ his car, breaks a window, and then tries to drive into him (9 January 2016) Video. USA
Statistics and stigma: The silence around men and domestic violence (24 November 2015) Australia
False accusations preventing men from reporting domestic abuse – study finds (28 September 2015) UK
“The number of women convicted of perpetrating domestic abuse has more than quadrupled in the past ten years from 806 in 2004/05, to 3,735 in 2013/14”
‘I had always been scared of my mum’: Breaking the cycle of violence (19 June 2015) Australia
Personal accounts by abused men (June 2015) Australia
Fine for throwing mug, butter knife at boyfriend (29 April 2015)
Auburn woman who tortured family for years gets life in prison (20 April 2015)
Home violence not just at the hands of men (28 March 2015)
Jealous ex of footballer Erik Walden leaves their two children alone in car and breaks into his home threatening him and girlfriend with loaded gun before attacking them with bat and knife (21 March 2015)
Scalded husband: ‘No shame’ for male domestic abuse victims (13 March 2015) also covered in this Huffington Post UK article
We need to speak out for all victims of family violence, by Roger Smith (2 March 2015)
Woman mauled boyfriend with kitchen roll holder after penis prank backfired (19 February 2015)
Male victims of domestic violence (17 February 2015) Video
GF has started getting violent on me. I left her today after she beat me. People’s reactions have been insane (8 February 2015) Reddit mensrights discussion thread)
The day my wife beat me up because she hated my haircut (26 January 2012)
Male domestic abuse victim: I could have died after attack (5 December 2014)
Man stabbed 13 times by girlfriend says she had history of attacking him (1 August 2014) USA
25 men subject to domestic abuse tell their stories (28 May 2014)
Enraged: Victoria Police’s response to violence towards men (February 2014)
Good Op-Ed from a Norwegian newspaper about domestic abuse (1 September 2014)
Domestic violence: Male victim tell of wife’s abuse (15 June 2014)
https://mencanbeabusedtoo.wordpress.com/ (also includes some comments about Elizabeth Broderick, former Australian Sex Discrimination Commissioner)
Jackson man stabbed during child custody dispute (missing words = domestic violence) (21 August 2014)
In a comment he contributed to this article, Chad Tindale wrote:
“Police were once called because my girlfriend, at the time, was stabbing the bathroom door (behind which I was locked) with a knife. When the police arrived, she was still drunk, and still holding the knife. They told us to keep it down so that they didn’t have to come back… then they left me there… with her… with the knife. You’re not a hero when you rescue a man from a woman, so it’s often just easier to leave them there… leave them with her… with the knife.”
On the level of support provided for male victims of domestic violence
“On the societal level, women’s violence against men has a trivial effect on men compared to the devastating effect of men’s violence against women” (Source).
“Shelley Serdahely, executive director of Men Stopping Violence, in Decatur, Ga., questions the validity of studies showing women are more violent. “Women might be more likely to get frustrated because men are not taught how to be active listeners and women feel like they are not being heard,” she said. “Often women are more emotional because the relationship matters a lot to them, and while that may come out in a push or a shove or a grab, all of which are considered dating violence, it doesn’t have the effect of intimidating the man.”” (Source)
This is the mistaken belief of many within the pro-feminist domestic violence sector whose philosophical approach is proscribed by the so-called Duluth Model. An attitude that underpins the chronic under-resourcing of services for male victims of DV.
“There are thousands of shelters in the U.S. for women and even thousands for our pets, but not a single independent shelter just for men (and no federal funding). The Domestic Abuse Project of Delaware Country, PA (where I grew up) was the first to campaign to assist victims of both genders but that only meant they were one of the first to allow mothers with teenage boys to find assistance as most still see 12-18 year old teenage boys as members of the “almost clinically and psychologically dead” (as per Dr. Helen Caldicott) “foreign male element.” Many states claim to help men somehow but not a one can provide any data on the number served.
England built their first men’s shelter in 2003 after 423 shelters (now 7,500) had been built for women (forced to open in secret due to fear of violent protests). All public funding for men’s shelters in England (like most countries), however, have since been pulled as men are now told to go to women’s shelters (a 2008 House of Commons report claimed there was no need or desire for male-only shelters with the issue only being distorted by a deep-seated contempt for women). Battered men around the world are routinely told to go to homeless shelters (what, no possibility of ingrained contempt for men?).
A few countries like Holland, Serbia, and Switzerland have set aside funds for battered men shelters but they are scarce and underfunded compared to homes for battered women. Most men are still waiting for their country’s first governmentally supported refuge. We must identify the violence done by women against men, see it as a serious social problem, and face the reality domestic violence is more likely mutual or female-initiated and so our public service announcements and federal service funding urgently need to be de-gendered.
The 1975 National Family Violence Survey (Behind Closed Doors: Violence in the American Family, Straus et al.) found men and women equally abusive. The myth of subjugated women (Gelles, 1988; Kaufman, 1990; Straus, 1991) has but “crippled prevention and treatment efforts” (Scott, 2006). In 2008, Drs. Douglas and Hines conducted the first-ever national survey of men who sought help for heterosexual partner violence. It regrettably showed a large proportion of men who seek help from American domestic violence agencies (49.9%) or hotlines (63.9%) are specifically told, “We only help women.”
Many men seeking assistance from DV agencies (40.2%) or DV hotlines (32.2%) end up accused of being the batterer, a third of male victims who call the police end up arrested, and less than a third of those who consult with any mental health professionals are offered details on how to get help from a DV program. The investigation concluded the worst places for men to get help were “those that are the core of the DV service system: DV agencies, DV hotlines, and the police. The qualitative accounts in our research tell a story of male help seekers who are often doubted, ridiculed, and given false information.”
“I vividly remember accidentally walking into a “safe room” for victims of domestic violence at the court house and being pounced on by a bunch of quite militant women and told in no uncertain terms to get out of the room, for no other reason than I was male and they assumed I was the guilty party. It didn’t even occur to them that I , a male, was the VICTIM of domestic violence. The irony is that my extremely violent wife would have been welcomed with open arms in the same situation and been showered with empathy by them.” (Source: Readers comment)
“I’m not suggesting that violence against men doesn’t happen, of course it does, but it is actually really rare.” Karen Willis, Executive Officer for Rape and Domestic Violence Services in Australia (Source)
Domestic Violence programs discriminate against male victims, by SAVE (undated)
‘Marginalizing the Battered Male‘, by Todd A. Migliaccio, University of California (undated)
Feminists against men’s domestic violence shelters (24 May 2017) Video
Book review: ‘The Silent Man’ (2 May 2017)
Male victims of domestic violence are being failed by the system (13 March 2017) UK
“According to study author Brenda Russell, a psychology professor at Pennsylvania State University, the officers surveyed rated male perpetrators of IPV as more “dangerous” to others than any other gender or sexual orientation.
In contrast, male victims of female perpetrators were considered “responsible” in some way for the abuse they suffered. Victims of lesbian and gay male violence were also considered more culpable and more likely to demonstrate thoughts and behaviors indicative of mental illness.”
A submission by the One in Three organisation to the Victorian Victims Support Agency (2 March 2017) Well-worth a read!
The Duluth model is working as designed; you won’t smart mouth her again (3 February 2017)
Male victims of sexual violence are being ignored by the government, by Ally Fogg (21 December 2016) UK
Women won’t be equal until they’re punished for beating up men (13 December 2016) UK
From the Home Office to the Independent: crying out for gender-inclusive policy, by Ally Fogg (9 December 2016) UK
The fox now guards the hen house ~ Bettina Arndt (17 November 2016) Concerns a negative aspect of the NSW Government’s recent allocation to support male victims of domestic violence.
Denied and dismissed (18 November 2016) Canada
Male family violence victims on safer pathway (7 November 2016) A positive development from the NSW Government in Australia
Feminist group, the ‘Women’s Liberation Front’, lobbies against allowing trans-women into DV shelters … men obviously out of the question! (1 October 2016) Australia. Reddit discussion thread and linked article
Domestic Violence Is Far More Than A Simple Story Of Good And Bad (27 September 2016) It’s very disappointing that we are still seeing the publication of biased and one-sided articles such as this, which undermine any nascent recognition of, and support for, victims of female abusers.
Building stronger and safer communities for everyone (9 September 2016) Australia. But then in first paragraph I note the funds are to be used to “help reduce violence against women and their children”, so presumably men are included in the “everyone“.
The shame of being a male victim of domestic violence (3 September 2016) Australia
Domestic violence against men (August 2016) A video by female MRA ‘shoeonhead’
According to figures quoted in this video featuring journalist Martin Daubney, only 10% of male victims of domestic violence in Britain report incidents to the police (versus 26% of women)
Vital research into male domestic violence under threat – because victims won’t come forward (15 June 2016) UK “Currently only 10% of male victims will tell the police, only 23% will tell a person in an official position, and only 11% will tell a health professional”
The Other Side of the Coin: Breaking the Stigma of Male Domestic Violence Victims (20 May 2016) Canada
Bob McCoskrie: Family violence is still not just a male problem (13 May 2016) New Zealand. Reddit discussion thread here
The Hen-pecked husband (30 April 2016) Spain
Why female violence against men is society’s last great taboo, by Martin Daubney (15 March 2016) UK
‘I was covered in blood from her punches’: Male victims of domestic abuse speak out (28 February 2016) Scotland
Male victims still overlooked (28 February 2016) Australia
Male victims of domestic violence: A hidden battle (18 February 2016)
What percentage of male victims of domestic violence are arrested for Domestic Violence after calling the police? (16 February 2016) Reddit mensrights discussion thread
The blind spot in our domestic violence crisis (10 February 2016) This article written by a CEO of a Women’s Shelter – no prizes for guessing her sole focus. I’ve included it here though for the readers comments.
Details concerning an Australian campaign to lobby for changes to the current discriminatory manner in which male victims of domestic violence are dealt with (January 2016)
Northumbria Police domestic abuse posters ‘should be torn down’ (31 December 2015) UK
The Empathy Gap in Domestic Violence, by Krista Milburn (2 December 2015)
Mythology Is Killing The Solutions To Domestic Violence, by Jasmin Newman (October 2015) Australia
A Plea to Women (28 November 2015)
Why will no one fund male domestic abuse charities? (26 November 2015)
Story of domestic violence against men is hidden, complicated and disputed (24 November 2015) Australia
Silent Victims, by Bettina Arndt (14 November 2015) Australia
‘Domestic violence debate dominated by women’s perspectives’ (11 November 2015) NZ
Men exposed to domestic violence more worried about not being believed (6 November 2015)
Ireland does not have official statistics on male domestic violence (1 November 2015)
Why I’m backing QLD Labor Premier on male victims | Talk About Men (25 October 2015)
Domestic abuse charity for male victims could close (23 October 2015) UK
Annastacia Palaszczuk warned: don’t put domestic violence against men above women (19 October 2015) Australia
It’s Time to Acknowledge Male Victims of Domestic Violence (16 October 2015) USA
Why we don’t hear about male victims of domestic violence (13 September 2015) Whilst any coverage of male DV victims is a positive, this article is typical in the manner in which it downplays/minimises every aspect of male victimisation.
Pets of family violence victims to be offered protection in Victoria (5 July 2015) No men’s DV shelters but support for pets, hmm.
Astute Dr Elizabeth Celi UNRAVELS Truth about Men in todays Feminist world (11 June 2015) Video. Australia
Time for fresh thinking on domestic violence (4 June 2015)
Two sides of the same coin: Domestic violence affects everyone (31 May 2015) Canada
Australian feminist journo, Sarah Farnsworth, agrees we should provide DV shelter accommodation for men too … “violent men” … so the police can track them down more easily! No mention that males can be victims (29 May 2015)
New voices: The ‘minority’ man? (May 2015) Journal of the British Psychological Society – Recommended reading
“Forty years of feminist campaigning and the influence of gender stereotypes have had a major impact on how society views IPV.” “Gender biases are highly influential in affecting people’s perceptions of the severity of IPV.”
Helpline for male victims of domestic violence in India receives more calls for help in its first year of operation than the government’s own helpline (which only caters for female DV victims) May 2015
This April 2015 article by Attila Vinczer provides some interesting historical perspective on how society views/ignores male victims of domestic violence.
The ABC allows feminists to use Q&A as a bully pulpit (2 March 2015)
Here in Australia, to get an idea of the level of resistance to acknowledging male victims of DV, one only has to observe the response from feminists on the few occasions when some agency or individual (e.g. Tanveer Ahmed) publicly discusses male victims. The most recent example was when the NSW Police service featured male DV victims in a campaign in early 2015:
NSW Police fail victims of domestic violence with flippant social media post (20 January 2015) Australian feminist journalist attacks NSW Police for recognising male victims of domestic violence. Somebody fetch me a sick bucket
Police facebook post stirs debate on controversial issue (19 January 2015)
Abused boys and men: feminism’s acceptable losses (4 July 2013)
Malestrom pt 2: When anger is justified, by Ally Fogg (23 June 2013) Be sure to study the many thoughtful readers comments here
Male Victims of Domestic Violence (4 March 2011) USA
My wife hugged me to say sorry for beating me up… then knifed me in the back (13 January 2011) UK
Mom’s Abuse Makes Man Afraid Of Women (2 November 2010)
If you are really against Domestic Violence (13 May 2010) USA
Other issues pertaining to male victims of domestic violence:
Charity reveals 128,767 men told police they were a domestic abuse victim during 2015 (17 December 2016) UK
More than 650,000 men said they suffered domestic abuse over the last year as gap between number of male and female victims falls to record low (8 December 2016) UK. See related Reddit discussion thread here.
Men are also victims of domestic abuse, by Corrine Barraclough (31 August 2016)
Domestic violence not just a female problem: Documents reveal more than 10,000 males across NSW affected (12 August 2016) Finally some support for male victims (NSW, Australia)
AIFS “Experiences of Separated Parents Study” reveals high levels of domestic violence against men (29 June 2016) Australia
Men also suffer from domestic abuse (23 June 2016) Canada
Rise in men taking out domestic violence orders against mothers and partners at Southport Court (18 May 2016) Australia
Domestic Violence Is Gender Blind, Unlike the Activists (30 November 2015) South America
‘Victims and Witnesses of Crime Court Support’ is an Australian organisation that supports male victims of violence (incl. domestic violence) in the court system
What happens when you fall in love with someone who’s aggressive? (18 November 2015)
“Across almost every study, gender came out as a significant factor: the male participants were more tolerant and more willing to stay in relationships that involved aggressions. This was unexpected, but may reflect a reluctance within men to define their partners as aggressors and themselves in some sense as victims, as seen in low reporting rates of domestic violence against men.”
The Number of Male Domestic Abuse Victims Is Shockingly High — So Why Don’t We Hear About Them? (26 October 2015) Almost 800 readers comments
YWCA says more men report being victims of domestic violence (24 March 2015) and related redit mensrights discussion thread
An open letter to Rosie Batty, by Mark Dent (15 March 2015)
Interview with Canadian Association for Equality about getting recognition for male DV victims (10 March 2015) Youtube video also discussed in this article (features a number of good readers comments)
How funding changes in NSW locked women out of domestic violence refuges (9 March 2015) Male victims of domestic violence don’t even register as a blip on the radar screen of the feminists orchestrating the DV ‘debate’.
Domestic violence against men ignored (2 March 2015) Canada
The Myth Women Are The Only Victims Of Domestic Violence (3 February 2015)
Stop violence against who? by John The Other (6 November 2011) Youtube video
Why is there such resistance to recognising male victims of domestic violence? (12 November 2014)
Why I’m fighting a charity that support female domestic violence victims (14 November 2014)
October 2014 reddit/r/todayilearned discussion thread on the lack of recognition and support given to male victims of domestic violence
Hospital’s undercover legal service latest check on violence against women (28 September 2014) But no similar service for men … why not? I mean other than stereotypes about men not needing help, etc.
Blog post on the lack of recognition of male victims of DV (18 October 2014)
Can male victims of domestic violence get the help they need? Conference presentation by Denise Hines, Clarke University, USA
The only DV services for men in Berlin are for perpetrators (23 September 2014) DV agency brochure plus linked reddit/mensrights discussion thread
Men are victims of domestic violence too by Bill O’Chee (3 September 2014)
Domestic violence against men hits record high (4 November 2013) Ireland
Abused boys and men: feminism’s acceptable losses, by Hannah Wallen (4 July 2013)
600 shelters for abused women in Canada but zero for men. Only 8% have ever admitted a man – usually elderly and/or disabled
Domestic violence refuge provision at crisis point, warn charities (4 August 2014) A good response to this article was then penned by Ally Fogg entitled ‘Throwing domestic violence victims to the wolves‘ – well worth reading. Despite there being very few beds available for men, when cutbacks are made (or accountability enforced) then men are blamed. The same thing is happening now in Australia. Women demand empathy from men (regarding DV) but when men seek support they are shamed.
In Australia millions of dollars more to be poured into protecting “women and their children”, but no mention whatsoever of female perpetrators or male victims (July 2014) And a subsequent lobbying campaign by Mens Rights Sydney
Men Shouldn’t Be Overlooked as Victims of Partner Violence (3 August 2007)
Gender bias in domestic violence treatment (31 August 2005)
http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/236g8o/canada_does_not_have_a_single_shelter_for_male/ and http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/23e3hf/so_ive_been_calling_feminist_groups_in_canada/
It’s time to challenge the myth of the male victim (24 March 2014)
Women’s Shelters and Domestic Violence Services Save the Lives of Men, by Katherine van Wormer (11 December 2010) This feminist author puts forward the argument that funding more women’s shelters is actually a bonus for men, because otherwise the women who couldn’t escape their homes would have to kill their partners
This blog contains many other posts that discuss the issue of domestic violence – for example:
Please click here to see a list of other relevant posts.
Posts addressing other related issues can be accessed by clicking on the relevant topic ‘tags’ at the base of this page.