Those of you who have spent time in Asian countries might have noticed a lot of western women reading books in cafes and looking somewhat bored. In various web sites and discussion forums one may read their plaintive cries about feeling “invisible” (e.g. Japan/China) and having trouble finding guys who will give them the attention they feel they is warranted.
It would appear that most western guys in Thailand, for example, have little time for western women. Instead they appear to prefer the company of more feminine, laidback (and yes, often more attractive) Thai ladies. And cynics note that I am referring to Thai ladies in general, and not simply bar-girls.
I even read a post the other day where a female expat stated that she was tired of western men in Thailand “disrespecting” western women in the way they pointedly ignore them. Tragic, just tragic.
In my blog post ‘I thought women were meant to be more empathetic‘ I talk about the issue of western women in Thailand flaunting local dress standards. Is this ‘look at me! look at me!’ behaviour in response to the ‘attention deficit mode’ that many western women appear to descend into within days of arrival in Asia? Or is it simply a reflection of a broader attitude of ‘my need to indulge myself trumps your right to have local social mores respected’?
Moving across to India, read about ‘The woman who says that it’s not only men who like to look‘ (24 August 2016)
Why don’t Western men in Asian countries lift their game and jump at the opportunity of approaching western women? Oh wait, they have already tried that back home and were rewarded with looks of disdain or contempt – or even accused of harassment. I can see this is going to be a tough sell.
So what then, you may ask, is the current situation in western countries such as USA, Canada, the UK, and Australia?
Well in the West men are confused, for they are routinely dragged over the coals for alternately either paying too much attention to women, or not enough. Or about the right amount but they are doing it wrong. Oh, and the goalposts regarding the ‘right’ way are continuously being moved.
On that first point, readers would be aware of the surfeit of publicity regarding the unwanted looks and attention that women attract from men, and how such behaviour threatens and disgusts them (example here).
And then every now and then there is an incident that serves as a lightning rod and focus for demands for action. Let’s look at the example of THAT infamous New York street harassment video …
- Why I’m Not Buying That New York City Street Harassment Video (30 October 2014)
- New York Times: Should Black And Hispanic Men Be Banned From Chatting Up White Feminist Women? (3 November 2014)
- Dear Sydney men, you’re no New Gawkers — you’re just very spoiled (arrogant and rude too!) (4 November 2014) Article is rubbish but some interesting comments
- Keeping It Topical: That Catcalling Video (5 November 2014)
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwdoXbxFwuY and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75aX9mlipiY&feature=youtu.be (See also http://i.imgur.com/BXvmuYa.png) Both videos feature guys being ‘harassed’ as they walk the streets)
- Christina Hoff Summers on ‘What the Catcalling video gets wrong‘ (10 November 2014)
- Many months later Australian feminists were still trying to milk this video in their never-ending quest to demonize men (17 March 2015). The video was cited again in this December 2016 article on catcalling. And again in this June 2017 article in The Conversation.
In February 2017 another fake street harassment video emerged … ‘Video of raging female cyclist lashing out at van full of catcalling builders ‘revealed as FAKE’ as company pledges to launch internal probe’
In November 2017 another such fake street harassment video emerged … “Woman attacks man with her breasts for ‘staring at her’”
In early December 2018 an article appeared entitled ‘Is Australia sexist? Documentary asks if men and women are equal in the 21st century‘ – and of course there’s a video of Aussie guys looking at, and calling out to, Aussie women. Bettina Arndt had earlier written an article about the set-up that was the original ‘study’ in The Australian. Now take a look at this video critique of the SBS program.
I’d suggest now reading the two articles below, which set the scene quite well for the additional sources that follow:
The Sexodus, Part 1: The men giving up on women and checking out of society (4 December 2014) with related discussion thread here, and The Sexodus, Part 2: Dishonest Feminist panics leave male sexuality in crisis (9 December 2014) … and here is a link to a related Youtube video
And now feel free to peruse these further sources regarding the increasingly fraught issue of public interaction between the genders:
New Zealand woman slams Aussie dating culture (27 April 2024) Entitled? Not much
‘You need to start talking about it’: Erin Molan calls on Australian men to speak up about domestic violence (26 April 2024)
British expat’s ‘problem’ with Aussie men (25 February 2024)
Harry Connick Jr’s daughters reveal the problem with Aussie men (11 February 2024)
Man’s gym act exposes ‘insane’ problem women face while working out (19 January 2024)
Response to video of man ‘admiring’ woman reveals wider issue (27 November 2023) A man doesn’t even need to speak to be of concern. Utterly ridiculous
Horrifyingly common act against women exposed by text trend (26 October 2023) OK, so this one isn’t about talking – it’s about texting. But your face will be in your palm in 3-2-1. Say anything bad about women and you’re not just a misogynist – you’re frightening! Nothing even vaguely uncomplimentary is said about women … presumably perfect already.
(Source of the study extract noted above)
Street harassment: A missing piece in measuring women’s public safety (26 February 2024)
What women define as sexual harassment or catcalling is often biased, studies show (13 October 2023) Reddit MensRights discussion thread
It’s over. I got expelled for approaching girls (14 October 2023) Video
Woman shares clever reverse psychology trick to get guys to leave you alone in bars (21 July 2023) USA
Commuters send 1500 alerts to sex crime, abuse service (11 July 2023)
Woman’s note to ‘cute’ plane guy goes viral (4 July 2023) “The bold flier told her followers that the sky-high story was proof that people should go after what they want”. No, not “people” … just women.
‘He just kept going’ – why you might snap back, freeze or ignore street harassment (16 June 2023)
Sad reason women are wearing a baggy T-shirt on public transport (24 May 2023)
A man spoke to a woman in a car park. The horror. The horror (30 March 2023) Video
Men in Scotland who loudly boast about sexual conquests in public could face jail (8 March 2023)
A colleague at work (27m) of 1 year refuses to socialise with me (24f) or any of the women in our office (11 February 2023) Reddit ‘relationship advice’ discussion thread – good reader comments! Plus here is a link to a related Twitter discussion thread.
The toxic women of gym TikTok (7 February 2023)
Twitter thread concerning a girl attending a gym who claims some fellow is watching her. Read the thread and you’ll note that the two main female characters featured in it – complaining about being harassed/objectified – both have OnlyFans accounts #FacePalm. Here’s the original MSM item (23 January 2023).
Assessing #MeToo, Five years on (28 November 2022)
Women gets angry when man speaks to her in the queue for the supermarket checkout (25 September 2022) Video
Half of single men avoid interacting with women out of fear of being seen as ‘creepy’ (28 September 2022)
What guy wouldn’t want it? (2022) Journal of Social Issues. Recommended reading
Brisbane women stunned by ‘persistent’ US men while travelling (15 September 2022) Men criticized for approaching too much and not enough – all in the one article
Why It’s Never a Good Idea to Demonize The Consumer (13 September 2022)
‘Never OK’: Fury at ‘disgusting’ response to supermarket assault (26 August 2022) Another bogus video to stir the anti-male pot and generate traffic to her social media site/s? Time will tell
Sydney nightclub bans staring without getting prior ‘verbal consent’ (25 August 2022)
Watch Woman Falsely Accuses Blind Surfer Pete Gustin Of Staring At Her In The Gym, Video Goes Viral (15 August 2022) OK, so it’s about looking, not talking
Men who sexually harass women in the street with unwanted sexual comments could face up to two years in jail under proposed new offence (13 August 2022) UK and Blind man kicked out of a gym for ‘staring’ at a woman (20 June 2023)
Woman left shaken after being chased by man during her run (10 August 2022)
Aussie men seriously lack game compared to American men (4 August 2022) And here’s one for the ‘men should talk to women’ camp. But only if they’re cool.
Tory leadership: Liz Truss promises new offence of street harassment (28 July 2022)
Creepy way man got woman’s number off her dog’s collar (8 June 2022) Again, only creepy when a man does this. Especially a poor/unattractive man.
Catcalls, homophobia and racism: we studied why people (and especially men) engage in street harassment (2 June 2022)
Male customer’s surprise reaction after waitress makes move on him (28 May 2022) Contrast this with the 19 March article listed below
Woman admits she regrets her ‘d**k magnet’ tattoo (18 May 2022)
Woman kicks sand in man’s face after ‘invasive’ beach act (11 April 2022)
Woman orders coffee at Starbucks and finds creepy secret note on the cup from barista (19 March 2022)
Instagram ‘socialite’ and OnlyFans star Casie Caldwell drunkenly spat on police (12 March 2022)
Former Ms Great Britain reveals she can’t get a date (27 February 2022) She never gets chatted up. 100 dates were unfruitful. It’s all men’s fault.
Honey Badger Radio: Why Men Won’t Approach Women & What We Need To Do About It (18 January 2022)
The yin of being looked at and the yang of looking. — The Centre for Male Psychology (2 September 2021)
Is Flirting the Next Victim of Millennials’ Metaphorical Murder Spree? | Opinion (newsweek.com) (29 June 2021)
The four words all women have used to get rid of unwanted advances (24 March 2021)
6 Reasons men need to stop making the first move in dating (7 March 2021)
The pandemic of male loneliness (24 February 2021)
Men going their own way: the rise of a toxic male separatist movement (26 August 2020) You’d think they’d be happy if men went away, but nah. Funny thing that.
Are masks giving men a license to leer? Women report a rise in ‘aggressive eye contact’ (28 July 2020)
Women are fun (July 2020) Video
‘Shy and awkward’ student, 19, who googled ‘how to make a friend’ assaults schoolgirl, 17 (11 October 2019)
Men: Before you tell a joke/give advice/pay a compliment. A twitter stream from a woman with advice for men (4 September 2019)
Danish women prefer wolf-whistles to feminism (11 May 2019)
The Victorian Government (Australia) has issued a video highlighting the horror of women receiving unwanted attention on public transport, and – surprise surprise – calling on men to step in and deal with other men (9 April 2019). ‘Independent Man’ responds to this rather well with his own video.
Of course governments never step in and ask women to deal with other women who transgress one ‘rule’ or another, err like sexually abusing students for example. Because that would be hateful or misogynistic or something bad. Or something.
Unsafe in the City – A Tale of Five Cities, by Plan International (October 2018) This pro-feminist ‘study’ unsurprisingly completely ignores not just all the people who manage to remain safe in the city, but also both male victimisation and female violence.
Young woman was handed a note on the train (October 2018) Video
Flight etiquette: I broke the one rule of long-haul flying (5 September 2018) But of course the guy in the plane seat next to you wants to get to know you
#MeToo Backlash In Corporate Canada Sees Women Locked Out (2 August 2018)
Judge approves lawsuit against Mizzou for punishing student who asked woman on a date (17 July 2018) USA
Men, take heed from the Victorians: don’t hound women in public (31 May 2018) Clearly no need to consider inappropriate behaviour by women, or the steps needed to address this.
Confusing sexual harassment with flirting hurts women (14 November 2017) by Cathy Young
Op-Ed: Is ‘Weinsteining’ getting out of hand? (1 November 2017) by Cathy Young
Man jailed for creepily staring at Glasgow pharmacy assistant through window (27 October 2017) UK
Be sure not to initiate a conversation with a woman you don’t know on the bus (13 July 2017)
In the U.K, women more than men perceive wolf-whistling as a compliment (7 July 2017)
Trump did to Merkel what men do to women all the time, by Jessica Valenti (March 2017)
Australian Bar Prohibits Men From Approaching Women, Must Speak ‘As They Would to Their Mother’ (23 February 2017)
Sexless in Silicon Valley: why nobody’s getting laid in America’s tech hub (19 January 2017) Not much sex or dating taking place and, of course, the blame is placed at the feet of socially inept men because …
Harassment of women by men at Summernats cannot be excused or ignored, by Clementine Ford (16 January 2017) Australia. This article includes the statement:
“Why are the events like the mass groping at Cologne used as an example of how immigrant men pose a threat to “our women”, yet white Australian men acting in a similar fashion at a car show is dismissed as “boys being boys”?”
And this with no evidence provided – aside from two vague anecdotal accounts – that any man laid a hand on a woman at Summernats 2017. No mention, for example, of any actual police reports. In fact, I have been advised that in the entire 30 year history of Summernats there have been only two reported sexual assaults. And yet this being, allegedly, in a “similar fashion” to the outrage that occurred on NYE in Cologne? Talk about a reach!
These two pictures were both taken at Summernats, guess which one featured in Clementine’s article?
Longing for the male gaze (21 September 2016) with related Reddit discussion thread here.
I’m a feminist who’s attracted to ‘manly men’ (13 September 2016)
Lads! Britain needs you to do your duty and get flirting (24 August 2016) UK
Reader’s Comment: Nottinghamshire men must stop looking at women (17 July 2016)
A life time of leers (5 June 2016) Reddit discussion thread with linked article
Where Did All The Chat Up Lines Go? Why We Miss Them… (27 November 2015)
“The days when men could be bothered to try and muster any sort of conversational gambit are gone” (6 December 2015) Reddit discussion thread and linked article
Model has ribs removed to transform into real-life Jessica Rabbit (27 November 2015)
Black Man Asks Woman For Phone Number In Oakland, She Posts Flyer About It And Calls Cops (19 October 2015)
Disgusted father tells woman on train to sit down (24 February 2012) Video Canada
Barrister names and shames senior lawyer who sent her a ‘sexist’ LinkedIn message (8 September 2015) Quite barking mad. And here is some ever-articulate commentary on the matter from ‘The Other McCain‘ (12 September 2015)
Chrissie Hynde was right about rape. Now feminists want to silence her (31 August 2015)
‘Ghosted’ by my boyfriend: After four years together he left and I never heard from him again (28 August 2015) Stick around after break-up (creepy stalker) or move on and start a clean page (ghoster/thoughtless cad)
Feminists, and how to avoid them (12 August 2015)
Young women need to ‘tone down’…really? (1 August 2015) See readers comments
“In honesty, I didn’t make my sign”: SlutWalk revisited (Edmonton edition) (12 August 2015)
Guardian Author Who Called for End of Catcalling now Regrets she is not Catcalled (21 July 2015)
OK Cupid Data on Sex, Desirability, and Age (3 July 2015)
Finding a boyfriend cured my crippling loneliness, but left me feeling a bad feminist (23 June 2015) and related reddit mensrights discussion thread
The trials and tribulations of a token pretty girl (28 December 2014) and related reddit menrights discussion thread
Alex from Target: The other side of fame (12 November 2014) Objectified and harassed, but wait! How can this be? (Alex is a boy)
She explains why so many women don’t say ‘Hello.’ The reason is absolutely chilling (1 November 2014)
Rise of the Feminist Tinder-Creep-Busting Web Vigilante (27 October 2014) Read those comments and feel the frustration and anger. Next stop MGTOW
Boycott college women while in college (24 October 2014)
HuffPo and Salon slut-shame men (14 October 2014)
Vancouver men, please stop harassing women (12 October 2014)
On Not Approaching Women At All (9 September 2014)
Fallout from campus sexual assault hysteria: College men now suspicious of women (22 August 2014)
Read transcript of an item on a US TV show entitled ‘Libs want men to stop looking at women‘
Feminism versus Miley Cyrus (20 April 2014)
Getting over feeling invisible after 50 (23 December 2013)
Breast enlargement remains the most popular procedure (UK) and in the United States too (2013). In fact if you want a good chuckle then google on ‘feminism and breast augmentation’ and see the fur fly as feminists who have had their chests packed with silicon try to rationalise their decision (“I did it for myself, really”). Of course you did.
See the readers comment by ‘Okrahead’ about the spandex ‘lady’ in the gym in this article
Learn how approaching women in a nightclub is “harassment” perpetrated by “creeps”. Seriously guys, why bother? Interesting related discussion can be found here
In-depth: How We Waded Into The Sexual Harassment Quagmire — And How to Wade Out: One Man’s View (11 December 2011) Recommended reading from a big-picture viewpoint
The new math of campus (5 February 2010) Aw gee, not enough guys to go around on campus … and that was 2010 and there’s even less guys on campus now! ROTFL! Take a bow, feminism
And check this out too: http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/topless-women-protestors-surprised-upset-as-men-show-up-with-cameras/story-e6frfku0-1225850121971
Read article entitled “Men here, they don’t even turn their head to look at you.” Awww. Gee, I wonder why this would happen … maybe because of attitudes like those expressed by the wimmin quoted below …
And here we read that British women don’t want to look at themselves in the mirror
Conclusion
Men and women are individuals whose position with regards to interacting with other individuals is influenced by many variables including age, relationship status, sexual orientation, cultural background, etc. There is no ‘one size fits all’.
Men are criticized both for approaching women, and for not approaching women. Some women live for male attention, others want none, with the remainder happy to engage at the times, and in the manner, of their choosing. Oh, and an individual woman’s position may change on a daily basis and/or depending upon the perceived attractiveness of the male who approaches her.
As women do not hold up signs advising of their own particular preferences, even well-meaning men – who comprise the overwhelming majority – are in a constant state of uncertainty, unease and frustration. Maybe if all women could organise themselves onto the same page, and circulate universal guidelines, things might be different. But we all know that’s not going to happen.
Feminists stoking the fire of misunderstanding and paranoia between the genders sure doesn’t help things, and only serves to propel ever more men towards a MGTOW lifestyle.
Elsewhere in this blog you might be interested in reading:
Girls showing their bits = empowerment? patriarchal exploitation? self-indulgence? other?
The ‘Marriage Strike’ and MGTOW
On privilege, respect, and entitlement
Fembots may prove to be a game changer
Harassment and discrimination in business and the workplace: Surprise, surprise, it goes both ways
When men have a daughter (another tale of male-blaming and silencing)