Prawn of the Patriarchy

Who pays on dates?

There have been, and there continues to be, many articles written about the topic of who should meet the costs of dating or courtship. Most articles appear to be written by women, and mocking (to varying degrees) the alleged or implied cheapness of men who dare object to paying the entire cost of a night out.

Whilst hardly a ‘life or death’ matter, this topic has special significance in that it illustrates how some traditional gender roles are aggressively retained whilst others are forcefully discarded. With the former all appearing to benefit women.

A number of justifications are put forward as to why one partner should pay for the other. Perhaps the most common is the suggestion that the person who makes the approach, and issues the invitation, should pay for the date. That is clearly very convenient for women given that 99 times out of 100, the male is the one doing the asking (this being yet another retained gender stereotype).

After that, the rationalisations as to why men should pay get even more ‘out there’ … especially when it is a feminist at the keyboard. Consider for example, ‘I Let Him Pay for Dinner – Am I a Bad Feminist?‘ by Suzanna Weiss (5 July 2016)

My own position is that if the costs of dates aren’t shared, or if partners aren’t treated on alternate dates, then it is free-loading no matter how you dress it up. And if the first date is such that you know there won’t be a second one, then you should definitely split the bill. Forget ideology, it’s just the decent thing to do.

And now the gender wage gap, in an increasing number of employment segments, is actually reversed (i.e. favors women). This means that in more and more instances, the female dinner-goer would have a more substantial income than her male partner (see related post). Surely now, women would be proud to pay their own way. Ha, ha, yes, I’m only kidding.

A number of relevant articles now follow:

‘Certain accounts’: 25-year-old Aussie reveals why she has hidden money (15 September 2025)

A surprising reason some men will date AI instead of a human (3 September 2025)

Another one of countless online discussions about the topic of reasonable expectations and date-related expenditure (3 September 2025)

‘Gold digger tests’: The new way men are tricking women on dates (1 June 2025)

‘Attitude problem’: Man’s bold text after date (1 November 2024)

Influencer says men ‘should pay on the first date’ because women spend a lot on make-up (20 March 2024)

Surprisingly traditional dating ‘rule’ Gen Z men won’t let go (13 February 2024)

Reason men should always pay on the first date (10 January 2024)

People need to chill about women getting ‘free food’ on dates (13 July 2021)

Woman, 26, forced to pick up $500 dinner date bill (24 November 2023) And not just any woman, but an “adult content creator”.

The $2000 dating rule to avoid ‘frightful’ sex syndrome from men (2 November 2023) More dating wisdom from Jana Hocking

Why men feel entitled to sex if they pay on a first date (14 March 2023)

‘Extreme’ response to date’s $4.50 burger concern backfires massively (13 March 2023)

Splitting the bill on dates makes no sense (14 February 2023) No, what’s make no sense is investing several minutes in reading this feminist contrived nonsense.

Woman went on six dates a week, didn’t grocery shop for two years (24 January 2023)

Woman Sues Man For $10,000 For Failing To Show Up To A Date (20 July 2022)

Woman blasts her date for not paying after she said no to sex (24 June 2022)

Why men should always pay on the first date (20 April 2022)

Abbie Chatfield angers Italian men after calling out ‘sexist’ menus (7 April 2022) How ridiculous is this? Abbie and the sisterhood should all pay their share, and they’re welcome to have a menu with prices. The thing is, they don’t want to know prices in order to pay – they want to know in order to be able to gloat.

Single woman says men shouldn’t get a second date if they don’t pay (4 April 2022)

Woman left stunned by date’s split bill request (6 December 2021) “A man should pay everything and should bring you a gift for spending your time with him, commented one woman.”

Woman’s bad date disaster goes viral: ‘He bought food for himself’ (13 November 2021)

Jana Hocking on why men should always pay on the first date (4 December 2020)

Feminists on Twitter get upset that man on a date doesn’t pay for a cake for his date (1 March 2020)

Young women at Griffith University (Australia) get tips about what to expect/demand in a special dating guide. (February 2020) Gee, hope they enjoy the company of cats.

10 Reasons Why Women Should Expect Men to Still Pay for Everything | by Fox | Medium (22 January 2020)

Forget the booty call, the foodie call is the new dating (out)rage (6 July 2019)

A third of women only date men because of the free food: study (21 June 2019) USA

‘Serial Dine-and-Dasher’ arrested for awful dating etiquette (29 August 2018) And would a women be reported to the police? I think we know the answer to that

Beware of ‘foodie call’ dates who are just in it for a free meal (30 August 2017) USA

Women forced to pay for dates (9 March 2017) Video

How is it okay for a stranger to pay for your first-date dinner because he’s a man? (27 January 2017)

6 Things a Feminist Woman Who Dates Men Should Look For on a First Date: Validate his every political and social view conforms to those you require. Offer to pay and think of him as cheap if he accepts (27 October 2016) Reddit mensrights discussion thread and linked article.

A Women’s Advantage (2016) Concerns research into OKCupid users, not just regarding who pays on dates but also courtship protocols generally.

Guy texts girl demanding she pay him back after he bought her a drink at a bar (12 September 2016)

“I’ll be more cautious who I take free drinks from in the future!” Free?

Lizzie Cundy slammed by viewers for insisting a man should always pay on a first date (31 August 2016)

Woman Says She Was Left With $163 Tab After Man She Met On Dating Site Dined, Then Dashed (3 August 2016) with related Reddit discussion thread here

“Operation: No Pay May”: A Houston Woman Attempts 31 Dates in 31 Days (31 May 2016) with related Reddit discussion thread here

The new economics of dating: Do men still need to pay? (24 May 2016) Reddit discussion thread and linked article

For men, finding love is still more costly (16 May 2016)

I said no to a second date so he asked for a $40 refund (11 May 2016)

That’s rich… women decline to date men who earn less – however good looking (3 February 2016) UK

Shock horror! A man feels I should pay my own way on dates. “I feel this is a dealbreaker.” Welcome to feminism (9 November 2015) Reddit mensrights discussion thread

Attention, straight men dating women: Here’s why they still — yes, still — expect you to pick up the check (28 August 2015) with related reddit discussion thread here

Paying while dating: meet the men who pick up the check (and those who don’t) (28 August 2015) and being in The Guardian we just know which team they’ll be rooting for.

Two Strong INDEPENDENT Feminists demand men pay for dates (18 August 2015) Video and related reddit discussion thread (Quote: “I understand most women don’t want to be used as sex objects. Maybe they should stop looking at men as success objects“)

Ladies, It’s Now Your Turn to Pay On the First Date (9 January 2015)

Cha-Ching! Guess who spends the most in love? (February 2015)

Valentine’s Day spending driven by single men in search for love (12 February 2015)

Who Pays for Dates? Following Versus Challenging Gender Norms (2015)

Why women should never go halves on a date (27 November 2014)

‘Why I’d never be with a man who always pays the bill‘ (28 September 2014) Article unconvincing but see readers comments

It’s 2014: Why are men still paying for first dates? (18 September 2014) and here’s the feminist perspective on that issue (though note that not all readers agreed with her assessment)

Helena Andrews explains why men should always pay for dinner by Janet Bloomfield (9 September 2013)

Should I Pay for a Date Simply Because I Am the Stud? (6 September 2013)

I just made a woman pay for her own food, her reactions were interesting (19 November 2014) Reddit mensrights discussion thread

Valentines Day, by the numbers (14 February 2013)

Almost all of the articles on this subject in the mainstream media focus on heterosexual couples, and are set in the context of first world western countries.

The heterosexual focus is interesting as my initial impression is that courtship costs are approached in a somewhat more egalitarian manner in gay/lesbian relationships. I have listed some articles about splitting costs & gay/lesbian dating and courtship below. If readers can suggest more and/or better references then please leave a message.

“A lot of women today seem to want the perks of “gender equality” but not other consequences“. Twitter article & discussion thread (4 September 2025)

Who Should Be Paying on a Same Sex Date? (11 May 2016)

Who picks up the tab on a date between two gay people?

When two gay men (or ladies) go on a date who pays?

A useful portrayal of victims of domestic violence … from an unlikely source

The focus of this post is an article entitled ‘There is nowhere for us to go’: Domestic violence happens to men too, by feminist journo Ginger Gorman. I have seen Ginger’s work before and was somewhat taken aback to see what appeared to be an item sympathetic to men.

Ginger’s article began with a detailed personal account by Nick of the abuse that he had suffered at the hands of his wife. Nick also recounted the extreme difficulty he had accessing professional support.

The author noted that this was a common theme amongst the men who volunteered to tell their story, but failed to provide statistics on the number of services catering to male versus female victims of domestic violence.

But then Ginger wheeled in outspoken male feminist and misandrist Dr Michael Flood who pushed the predictable feminist line on domestic violence:

(Another myth put about by some feminists is that most domestic violence against men involves male partners, whereas in fact 94% of domestic violence against men was perpetrated by female partners)

Ginger then told the story of Mereana who had experienced relationships involving two-way verbal and physical abuse. Mereana had suffered extensive abuse as a child as a result of which she suffered possible brain damage as well as emotional problems. Mereana did a stint in jail, and since then had sought help for her issues (although still exhibited violent tendencies).

The next part was interesting:

““I had to go looking and digging to find someone to help me confront and dismantle my issues and work out my triggers. There’s no support for female perpetrators,” she says.

In part, she blames white middle class feminists for this, who she says have “protected the conversation” about domestic violence to the exclusion of “all those other voices.” Finally, Mareana convinced a violent offenders’ counsellor at a local men’s support service to take her on as a client.”

If only Ginger had seized on this point, and done some digging, for e.g. how many states/regions actually do offer programs for violent women? As far as I know, almost none. Why is this issue not raised in the many costly inquiries that have taken place in recent times?

Michael Flood then re-appears to disparage the ‘One in Three‘ group, which advocates for the welfare of male victims of domestic violence. This is a task with which Michael already has considerable experience. This particular comment was unfair, inaccurate and more than a little ironic:

“[One in Three] has spent “at least as much effort trying to undermine campaigns to address violence against women.””

Actually Michael, ‘One in Three‘ take pains to point out (in their submissions to government, for example) that they are NOT seeking to undermine support for female victims. I think what Michael is referring to are instances where ‘One in Three‘ provide alternative data sources that debunk misrepresentations put forward by feminist groups (often in the form of attacks on One in Three).

I would suggest that One in Three believes there to be a strong case to support all victims of domestic violence, and that this does not require or benefit from the gender bias and misrepresentation that pervades the Domestic Violence Industry.

On the other hand, Michael and other feminists seem to consider it their sacred duty to undermine efforts to raise awareness of female perpetrators and their victims. And with even more examples of such behaviour here, here and here.

The article concludes with the suggestion that any blokes out there who need help with this issue, can call Mensline. Sadly that’s all there is, but the feedback about that service is anything but complimentary, with many male callers reportedly being treated as abusers in denial only to then be signed up for anger management classes and/or passed on to groups offering crisis accommodation for the homeless.

See also:

ABC Life Matters story on male victims of domestic violence (10 August 2016) Australia

Discrimination against males in the context of humanitarian agencies/causes

Some time ago I came across an item in ‘Inside Man‘, a rather good UK publication that focused on men’s issues. In its September 2014 edition it featured an article entitled Nine out of ten people pictured in charity posters are women. (Sadly the web site no longer exists, although the article is still available via web.archive.org).

The article informed us that charities are loathe to use pictures of men in their posters and advertising campaigns because of an empathy gap that exists in the community. Pictures of poor men just don’t elicit anywhere near the same amount of sympathy as do pictures of poor women.

“So what does this tell us about public attitudes towards men, women, boys and girls? Big charities aren’t stupid. They know what sells. The top 1,000 charities in the UK raise £11.5 billion every year in voluntary donations. Charity is big, BIG business and big business knows that all of us, men and women, are collectively more tolerant of the harm that happens to men and boys. If you want to raise money, you’ve more chance of doing it if you tell people women and girls are suffering.

And what message does this send to men and boys? That we are less valued by society, that we are not cared for as much as women, that we are not as vulnerable, that we don’t need the help of others, that we are tough and strong and should “man up” and get on with our lives and not expect help when we face problems in life. Is it any wonder that men are less likely to access help and support when they need it, when the constant message that we give to men and boys collectively is that we don’t need and don’t deserve help and support from others?”

I included a link to this article in tweets I sent to organisations such as ‘Plan International’, in response to various gender-biased campaigns they promoted online.

One example was a campaign that focused on providing clean drinking water for women and girls (google on ‘clean water for women’ for many examples of similar campaigns). Clean water for poor men and boys? Not so important it would seem, though I doubt that’s because they are sitting in deck chairs quaffing Moet.

There have been other campaigns related to the effects of global warming, for example. Apparently problems such as global warming have a greater affect women/girls, with men/boys protected by way of some kind of force-field.

Oh, and if we needed a reminder as to how little a male life is considered to be worth, who could forget #BringBackOurGirls?

And then today I came across a reddit mensrights discussion thread on this same theme. It’s entitled:

‘Did many men lose their lives due to discriminatory policies?‘ (26 May 2016)

“Most international charities discriminate against men at least since 1995. In 2010 Haiti Earthquake men were denied food. Do you think such policies are responsible for many excess men’s deaths?”

It’s worth taking a moment to look at the readers comments (30 of them as at the time I uploaded this post).

The Australian Government not only provides far more more funding for women/girls with regards to its domestic programs, but now its foreign aid programs are increasingly gender-targeted. This January 2017 article, for example, discusses the Australian Government contribution towards UN Women. In November 2016 Prime Minister Turnbull advised that the resettlement scheme for those in detention centres would prioritise women, children and families. Because #genderequality

See also:

Food? For thee but not for me (27 October 2023)

Policy brief: Gender-responsive approaches to foreign policy and the 2030 Agenda: Feminist foreign policies (2023) More nonsense from UN Women

A new International Gender Equality Strategy (August 2023) Women and girls mentioned everywhere. Men and boys – huh? See my submission here

Australia’s Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade paper on the global theme of gender equality (undated). The word ‘man’ features once in this paper whereas ‘woman’ features 58 times.

The DFAT website includes an entry entitled ‘Australia’s international support for gender equality‘ which removes any doubt that women’s rights are up here and men’s rights are … missing in action.

Are we implicitly biased against men? New study finds a “positive” bias towards women (8 April 2023)

Canada’s Feminist International Assistance Policy is key to addressing our biggest global challenges (27 March 2023)

Pro-female and anti-male biases are more influential than race and other factors in Implicit Association Tests (27 March 2023)

The Power of Many, by Bettina Arndt (28 December 2022)

This tweet issued by the United Nations revisits the topic of giving preference to females with regards to the provision of emergency food aid (23 November 2022)

“In countries facing conflicts and crises, women & girls often eat least and last. Their specific needs must be prioritized in humanitarian response efforts.”

“Where women are absent, peace does not prevail” (28 October 2022) with full statement here wherein the Australian Government proudly informs the world that “Today’s topic is not one for debate. The evidence is clear that pathways to peace are paved with women’s resilience and leadership”. Cringe. Be a good boy and drink your glass of feminist Kool-aid.

Truss says she is “proud that we have rebalanced our international development budget” and focused it more on humanitarian aid, and women and girls. (19 October 2022) UK Source

Australian representative promoting a workshop on Harnessing Social Protection to Address Violence Against Women and Girls (4 October 2022) Men & boys suffer more violence but are left to fend for themselves. This despite the fact that feminists now admit that violence against women is poverty-related rather than being primarily due to men’s lack of respect for women (aka Gender Based Violence).

Istanbul Convention ratified by the UK (24 July 2022)

Bias against men in health research: one researcher’s journey from exercise science to men’s health (11 July 2022)

Why do the World Health Organisation’s gender equity gatekeepers struggle to acknowledge that masculinity can be good for health? (30 June 2022)

“Our new four-year Strategic Partnership Framework with Australia and the commitment of AU$31.2 million to core resources are vital to UN Women’s ability to support gender equality and women’s empowerment” (19 June 2022) Source: A tweet from UN Women

We Rise Together program to boost gender-responsive procurement in Thailand and Viet Nam (28 March 2022) See also the related UN Women media release

Stronger partnerships with women in Southeast Asia (1 April 2022) ‘Women Together’ is $300 million program to “focus on building women’s economic empowerment, increasing women’s leadership in regional peace and stability and realise women’s and girl’s rights with a focus on violence prevention”

Russian soldiers are committing a genocide against boys & men in Ukraine. This has been picked up by the media, but they are avoiding saying the gender. They’re just “civilians” or “bodies”. Twitter thread (4 April 2022)

Are all missing persons female? (17 March 2022) USA. To assign funding to a project you first need to acknowledge a problem exists.

WEBINAR: The case for feminist foreign policy in Asia (9 March 2022) To what extent is the injection of gender ideology into Australia’s foreign affairs appropriate? And to what extent are (predominantly male) taxpayers subsidising it? (It’s organised by these folks)

The silence about this (re: military draft) gender inequality is greatest from countries that profess to have a feminist foreign policy (Source) Certainly nothing has been said by any Australian politician or government agency.

Australia urged to put women and girls at centre of foreign policy (17 April 2017)

Ambassador of Australia for Women and Girls (31 January 2022)

“The Ambassador for Women and Girls raises the importance of addressing sexual and gender-based violence, increasing economic opportunities for women, promoting women’s leadership, the critical importance of promoting positive social norms and the rights of girls.”

A selection of foreign aid organisations that fail to address the welfare needs of men

Grevio Third Report, June 2022 (24 July 2022) A paper from EmpathyGap.uk

UK drafting plan to detain male migrants found at sea (22 January 2022)

Bias against men’s issues within the United Nations and the World Health Organization: A content analysis, by Dr James Nuzzo (2020)

UN Women – The equality of discrimination (2 September 2020) Video

Male victims entirely erased from any statistics (30 July 2020)

No money for boys and men: The truth about giving (2 May 2020)

“Put women and girls at the centre of efforts to recover from COVID-19” – Statement by the UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres (9 April 2020)

List of human rights issues as identified/pursued by the United Nations … men are apparently missing in action. The UN doesn’t even bother to list International men’s Day (19 November) in its online calendar of events. Here’s a list of the female days celebrated by the UN (Tweet dated 5 April 2019).

See globalgoals.org and their twitter stream (@TheGlobalGoals) for many examples of sexist statements and programs

See GirlRising and their twitter stream (@GirlRising) for more of the same

See ActionAid and their twitter stream (@ActionAid) for more of the same. Note the section called ‘The Facts’ contained debunked factoids – except Point 3 (violence) which if true is also true for men, who face far more violence overall)

Upon first arriving at the web site of Project Futures the organisation appears gender-neutral. Sadly the more you read the clearer their blindness to trafficked or enslaved men becomes, despite the size of that problem in the Asian region. They also appear to be supportive of disgraced activist Somaly Mam (refer wiki entry).

Further sources illustrating and/or discussing pro-female gender bias in foreign aid programs:

It is time we remember Afghan men are also victims of this war | Asia | Al Jazeera (10 September 2021)

Women and girls are to get sanctuary in UK: Afghan females will be given priority to come here | Daily Mail Online (17 August 2021) Because “women & girls rights are feared to be in severe peril” … unlike men (killed) and boys (raped). Yes, google on ‘bacha bazi‘, dear.

Johnson accused of hypocrisy over G7 girls’ education pledge | G7 | The Guardian (12 June 2021)

Boys are more likely to be undernourished than girls: A systematic review and meta-analysis of sex differences in undernutrition (20 September 2020)

UN Women takes initiative to ensure that women and families hit hardest by the COVID-19 crisis are not left behind in North Macedonia (8 May 2020)

Fury over 4.2billion pound feminist foreign aid as spending watchdog warns overseas projects that receive financial gifts are not being properly assessed (29 April 2020)

LA on lockdown – what that means for men (19 March 2020)

A simplified approach to measuring national gender inequality (January 2019) “In 91 (68%) of the 131 countries, men were on average more disadvantaged than women”

World Vision article prepared by news.com.au entitled ‘Why gender equality is about basic rights‘ only to then launch into a discussion of why (only) girls need help, and ignoring the fact that poor boys face the same challenges as poor girls, e.g. forced to work young, forced to marry young, genital mutilation, etc.

The article concludes with “All children can be vulnerable, and girls face particularly harsh realities because of their gender. That’s why World Vision has started a movement to sponsor 1000 girls by International Day of the Girl. You can join us now and help a girl in poverty live free of fear. Sponsor a girl today.” (September 2019)

Gender Empathy Gap Day (23 June 2018)

African Opposition to UNICEF’s Mass Infant Circumcision Campaign: UNICEF responds. So do Africans (1 August 2017) And when the UN does decide to ‘help’ men/boys, is this is the best they can manage?

Canada commits $97-million to Congo under feminist foreign-aid policy (6 July 2017)

How to spend foreign aid like a feminist (4 July 2017)

Ottawa unveils new feminist foreign-aid policy (9 June 2017) Canada

“The federal government has unveiled what it is calling “Canada’s first feminist international-assistance policy,” with plans to eventually ensure that at least 95 per cent of the country’s foreign aid helps improve the lives of women and girls”

Karen Straughan in The Red Pill on Boko Haram (17 May 2017) Video

Secret aid worker: Men have as many issues as women, we just don’t know what they are (14 February 2017)

“Despite cries that gender is as much about men as it is about women, most project proposals or documents referring to gender will mention women, but little about men. If they do talk about men, they do so in terms of their relations with and respect for women.”

The U.N.’s Shocking Gender/Feminist Bias: Masterpost with Links (17 September 2016)

Dear #GamerGate, UN feminism is more dangerous than you know (27 September 2015)

Gender Equality in Humanitarian Assistance (March 2015) Sweden

“A gender equality perspective in humanitarian assistance takes into account that:

• Crises affect women, girls, boys and men differently;
• Existing power inequalities between women and men exacerbates during crisis;
• Women, girls, men and boys have different needs and different coping mechanisms;
• Women, girls, men and boys have different opportunities to benefit from support; and
• Women and girls are an important resource in designing and delivering humanitarian assistance.”

Sounds almost fair. But in terms of outputs this model is imbued with gynocentric bias, which manifests itself via a plethora of programs aimed at women/girls. There are few/no programs directed at men/boys, this being rationalised through the belief that they can cope better/are less affected/that supporting them may worsen the problem, etc.

Thai Team Receives World Bank Award for Innovations to Prevent Gender-Based Violence, with more details in a blog post entitled Ending the invisible violence against Thai female sex workers (June 2016) I submitted a comment to the blog post which was not uploaded … par for the course when feminist author meets dissenting view.

“Women must believe that their safety and rights are worth defending – even when the odds feel stacked against them for involvement in sex work. Clients and police need these messages too. We must create an environment that tells women they do not deserve to be abused, that someone cares about their safety and well-being.

We are invigorated, inspired, and challenged to transform a world that perpetrates violence and blames victims to one in which freedom, safety, health and human rights prevail for all.”

Presumably written by the author without a hint of irony. Female victims matter, male ones don’t. No mention in the write-up of this project about the violence experienced by male and transgender sex-workers … why? Could the answer be ‘Gynocentrism manifested by way of feminist bias’?

Zika and Ebola had a much worse effect on women: we need more research to address this in future (20 October 2016)

Read down to see “By the end of 2015, the three West African countries most affected by Ebola – Guinea, Liberia and Sierra Leone – had a total of 8,703 cases of the virus in women compared to 8,333 in men. But the sex tally of those infected does not reveal the social impact of the disease on local populations.”

Take five with Joy Chebet Bii: Why does digital literacy matter for women and girls? (4 October 2016) Girls get taught to code, boys can watch on

Defining, Demonstrating, & Understanding Male Disposability (30 September 2016)

Iconic Australian charity changes its name to ‘Ourtown’ in 2016 after 55 years as ‘Boystown’, as explained by them and as announced in a media article

Unheard Voices: Men and Youth in Thailand’s Conflict-Affected Deep South (21 September 2016) An oh-so-rare example of consideration being given to the welfare of men/boys in a humanitarian program

Meteor hits earth: Women most affected (19 September 2016) Video

How Clean Cookstoves Create Gender Equality (15 September 2016) Apparent over-reach to promote this as a gender issue given lack of evidence in either this article nor the linked source article.

Commonwealth Ministers pledge four-point plan to empower women (9 September 2016)

Take a look at how fear of sounding politically incorrect forces the U.N into hypocrisy and inaction, ignoring the male education crisis in East Asia (23 June 2016) Reddit discussion thread

Teaching slum girls and female refugees to believe in themselves (17 June 2016) with related Reddit discussion thread here

5 Ways to End Poverty by Focusing on Women and Girls (14 June 2016)

Canada to turn away single men as part of Syrian refugee resettlement plan (24 November 2015) So Muslims OK, but men not OK, right?

The UN is responsible for hundreds of thousands of men starving to death through negligence (2015)

Inside Story – The silent victims of rape (28 July 2011)

The rape of men: the darkest secret of war (17 July 2011)

“… The research by Lara Stemple at the University of California doesn’t only show that male sexual violence is a component of wars all over the world, it also suggests that international aid organisations are failing male victims. Her study cites a review of 4,076 NGOs that have addressed wartime sexual violence. Only 3% of them mentioned the experience of men in their literature. “Typically,” Stemple says, “as a passing reference.””

Haitian Men starve while “Women Only” get food (1 February 2010) and UN sets up women-only food aid in Haiti (31 January 2010)

Recognizing Gender-Based Violence Against Civilian Men and Boys in Conflict Situations (2006)

On male-only and women-only spaces

“The course has hosted golf’s prestigious Open championship no less than 16 times in its 125-year history, the backdrop for wins by greats such as Nick Faldo, Jack Nicklaus and Gary Player.

But Muirfield, with views over the Firth of Forth and a favoured retreat of Edinburgh’s judiciary, has forfeited its right to hold the championship again after members voted to continue its ban on women joining the club.” (Source)

The subject of male-only and women-only spaces is one which I see written about fairly often – generally from the feminist perspective. And that perspective is that male-only spaces are uniformly undesirable and should be eradicated, whilst female-only spaces are desirable and much-needed.

Which is ridiculous. And just as chock-full of hypocrisy as are most of the other building blocks in that ideological house of horrors that is gender feminism.

The topic has been raised in relation to mens and boys organisations and clubs like Men’s Sheds and Scouts, university student houses (frat-houses) and societies, fitness centres, etc.

I normally wouldn’t bother writing a post about this subject as it is not one of the more pressing issues, but I have just read an item by Janet Bloomfield/Judgybitch which stirred me into action. Great article + some good comments too. See Why are feminist women so fucking pathetic? (24 May 2016)

Other articles relevant to this topic:

Masseuse bans men after ‘orgasm’ ordeal (27 June 2025) Yeah, errr, kind of one-sided but par for the course.

“One media outlet apparently derailed an interview with Ms Ham about her decision by suggesting that this issue highlights “how hard it is for men to find a massage that doesn’t offer sexual services”. But Ms Ham emphasises that this isn’t the issue here. No, let’s not generalise about all massage salons … just about all men.

Women-Only Art Installation Defeats Discrimination Lawsuit on Appeal (19 October 2024)

Elite Australian golf club suspends members over sexism row (16 September 2024) See readers comments too. Not so much about ‘space’ as it is about the differing approach & language used by management and observers when those seeking ‘equality’ are male rather than female.

Is it time to stop men congregating in groups? (18 May 2024)

Lawyer who raised ‘boys’ club’ concerns over judgment accused of misconduct (28 March 2024)

Necessary sanctuary or blatant discrimination? The decades-old battle over women-only spaces (24 March 2024)

Building safer spaces for women (27 October 2023)

Men are boycotting gyms due to creepy women (20 September 2023) Video

We should have women-only times in Scotland’s parks (17 May 2023)

Single-Sex Spaces for Me, But Not for Thee, by Janice Fiamengo (9 April 2023)

The boy’s club is under siege, by Bettina Arndt (25 November 2022)

Perspective: The real reason the all-women workspace failed (16 September 2022)

Man parks (14 November 2021) Comedy? Really? Video

The push into male space: News item about girls in the boy scout organisation, with commentary provided by Rollo Tomassi (5 February 2019)

Dartmouth Fatstock: Sexism row over men-only awards dinner (12 December 2018)

Women are dropping $3,055 and waiting on an 8,000-person list to join an exclusive, no-men-allowed club based in New York City (7 November 2017)

Harvard Crimson: University Is Right to Ban Fraternities, Wrong to Ban Sororities (27 September 2017)

Salon upset to learn whiny men were right about women-only movie screenings being discriminatory (9 August 2017)

Cafe of Confusion (7 August 2017) Video

Feminism’s latest victim: St Paul’s College, by Miranda Devine (14 June 2017)

Guy buys movie ticket, internet outraged (27 May 2017)

Bro-go areas: the last few men’s only clubs (15 March 2017)

Muirfield golf club to allow women to join for the first time (14 March 2017)

Return of Women-Only Offices Proves That Equality Has Gone Into Reverse, by Martin Daubney (3 February 2017)

Girls allowed: why women-only co-working spaces are the latest office trend (January 2017)

No boys allowed: the new rule of co-working spaces (4 January 2017) USA

Gender discrimination is bad for business (4 November 2016) Australia

You know that narrative about train groping and women-only carriages in Japan? About that (19 October 2016) Japan. Reddit discussion thread

Why women hate male-only groups, and why they shouldn’t (15 October 2016) Reddit discussion thread

Duke offers men a safe space to contemplate their toxic masculinity (30 September 2016) USA. Related Reddit discussion thread here.

Hawleywood men’s barber shop ruffles feminist feathers (6 September 2016) Australia

All Clubs at Harvard Have to Be Gender Neutral—Except Women’s Clubs (16 August 2016)

SheShed importer says demand has exceeded all expectations (17 July 2016)

Michigan State University Faces Civil Rights Complaint Over WOMEN-ONLY Lounge In Student Union (12 July 2016)

Glastonbury Festival 2016: Glasto will have a women-only venue for the first time (5 June 2016) See also here

Safe Space Shut Down After Anti-White, Anti-Male Statements Leaked (31 May 2016)

Burlesque, body shots and bi-curious: Sydney gets its first Skirt Club (30 May 2016)

Australia: Tuggeranong Men’s Shed split over allowing women to join (February 2016) Reddit post with linked sources

Man Sues Gym over ‘Women Only Hours’ (Youtube video)

The Colonization of Male Space (5 August 2010)

Women attack first responders yet omitted from ‘awareness’ campaign

“The government is spending more than $1.3 million on an education campaign to remind the public not to treat health workers as punching bags, after 3300 assaults in the past year alone.” (31 March 2016)

Click here and scroll down the page to watch two of the ads subsequently aired on Australian TV.

Strange thing though … no violent and abusive women are featured in the ads, despite the fact that such people most certainly do exist in real life. I very much doubt that was an accidental omission. Think about why such a decision might that have been made.

There might well be fewer incidents involving women, though I would be interested in seeing the stats in relation to the sex ratio of males v females treated/transported and then the percentage of each that were abusive.

Personally, I suspect that the decision to only show violent men is less about patient ratios and more about social conditioning with respect to how society perceives men and women, and the threat they pose.

Here are three incidents in the first half of 2016 involving female perpetrators assaulting paramedics:

“A WOMAN has stabbed a paramedic on Fraser Island after trying to force him to hand over drugs.” (Source)

“A 21-year-old woman has been charged over the alleged assault of a paramedic sent to a Brisbane pub to help her. The 41-year-old female ambulance officer suffered cuts her arms and swelling and bruising to her face in the alleged drunken assault at Toowong’s Regatta Hotel.” (Source) (Postscript: This case went to court in August 2017 and the perpetrator was found ‘not guilty’)

“As the ambulance passed through the Legacy Way tunnel en route to the Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital she allegedly attacked the 51-year-old ambulance officer, kicking him in the groin and punching him in the head.” (Source)

Anger after two Cairns paramedics allegedly come under attack while on the job (31 October 2016)

Melbourne mothers beg magistrate to spare them jail after attacking paramedic (8 September 2017)

“Experienced ambulance worker Paul Judd has not been able to return to work since the violent attack in April 2016 and has required multiple surgeries on his foot.

Amanda Warren, 31, and Caris Underwood, 20, have admitted punching and kicking Mr Judd as he and another paramedic tried to treat a patient in Reservoir.

They have both pleaded guilty to intentionally causing injury, while Warren has also admitted criminally damaging the ambulance by ramming it with a car.”

See also:

Police bodycam shows married teacher being arrested for allegedly raping boy, 15 (2 April 2025) And another feminist journalist, Rebekah Scanlan, applies the ‘glamorous’ label to another female misfit.

Paramedic allegedly assaulted after man found dead in home (4 October 2024)

Women arrested after police officer allegedly bitten in CBD (30 May 2022)

Expecting young mum spits on ‘gronk’ paramedic, abuses ‘incompetent’ nurses (8 December 2021)

‘Distressed’ woman attacked paramedic with blade after flagging down ambulance – Mirror Online (2 August 2021)

Police officer, 36, paralysed for life after drunk woman kicked him on duty (25 April 2020) UK

999: What’s your emergency? (22 February 2020) An episode of a UK TV series

Paramedic cuts diamond ring from dead woman’s finger and pawns it, cops say (14 November 2019) Whoops, looks like even female paramedics can be bad too.

Glamorous teen assaults paramedic she calls ‘a white dog’ (1 June 2018). And Leilani Clarke is back in the paper in May 2019 and still being referred to, by the same female journalist, as “glamorous“. Not in my book! And back in court again in July 2019, and again in April 2020. I don’t believe it, Candace Sutton refers to her as ‘glamorous‘ again in May 2020. #FacePalm

(Psst. And here’s reference to another glamorous female mis-fit. As labelled by another female journalist, Ms Alexa Cimino)

Pensioner, 68, grabs crotch of paramedic treating her for a fall and asks, ‘How big is it?’ | Daily Mail Online (11 July 2019)

Furious paramedics protest decision not to jail women who beat ambulance worker (16 May 2018) Gee, female judge too – fancy that.

Nurses and patient at Sydney’s Royal Prince Alfred Hospital stabbed in face by woman with scissors (5 May 2019)

Mums’ ‘vicious’ assault on paramedic lands them in prison (12 December 2017)

Other posts in this blog relevant to this post include:

On violence carried out by women and girls

How men are portrayed … Haw Haw Haw! The jokes on us

Differing public response to partner violence depending on gender of victim

On the punishment of women and the notion of a ‘pussy-pass’

On chivalry

Australian 2016 Federal Election: No party willing to step up to the mark for men & boys

The last Australian federal election was held on 2 July 2016, and was ultimately (narrowly) won by the Liberal Party/National Party Coalition.

This post concerns those gender-related policy positions adopted by the three main players during the campaign: the Australian Labor Party (ALP), the Liberal Party/National Party Coalition (LNP), and The Greens.

In another blog post I provide details regarding the relevant positions adopted by some of the minor parties.

Gender issues did not feature amongst the key issues debated during the election campaign. The one specific gender-related issue which was aired was domestic violence. With that in mind, let’s look at what the major parties had to say on that topic:

The Domestic Violence statement provided in the ALP web site can be found here. The number of times the terms ‘men’ or ‘male’ (e.g. male victims) feature in this document = 0

The Domestic Violence statement within the Liberal Party web site is accessible here. The number of times the terms ‘men’ or ‘male’ (e.g. male victims) feature in this document = 1. That sole mention refers to the contentious ‘Mensline’ counselling service – read more about Mensline here.

The Domestic Violence statement in the National Party web site is here. The number of times the terms ‘men’ or ‘male’ (e.g. male victims) feature in this document = 0

The Greens Domestic Violence Policy is here. The number of times the terms ‘men’ or ‘male’ (e.g. male victims) feature in this document = 0. By way of contrast, the word ‘women’ features 31 times.

None of the major parties have shown any interest in addressing issues that detrimentally affect men and boys. None of them have issued significant statements in support of male victims of domestic violence, nor have they made reference to female perpetration of violence.

The major parties are essentially all in lockstep with the feminist movement, the only area of divergence being the amount of money that each is willing to relegate to/waste on feminist causes.

Amongst the major parties, the Greens offer the most ardently pro-feminist perspective, with the ALP running a close second. It was the Greens, for example, who were the driving force behind the current federal Inquiry into Domestic Violence and Gender Inequality.

The federal budget released by the Government in May 2016 represented the first salvo in the election campaign:

“In this Budget the Government has allocated $100.0 million over three years for Domestic and Family Violence: New Initiatives To Break the Cycle of Violence. This builds on the $101.2 million provided for a Women’s Safety Package announced by the Government in September 2015 (detailed in the Mid-Year Economic and Fiscal Year Outlook 2015–16). This measure will draw on the recommendations of the Third Action Plan (part of the National Plan to Reduce Violence against Women and their Children 2010–22), due for release in mid-2016. [Footnote]” (Source)

Further details of what were proposed and some related background information are provided at:

Domestic and family violence budget review 2016-17
The number of times the terms ‘men’ or ‘male’ (e.g. male victims) feature in this document = 0. Again, by way of contrast, the word ‘women’ features 28 times.

Budget Paper No. 2. Part 2 Expense measures. Social Services (See Domestic and Family Violence — new initiatives to break the cycle of violence)

With respect to media coverage, the first relevant item I noticed discussed one particular funding measure announced by the Government … see ‘Family violence legal aid boost of $30 million won’t solve crisis: Lawyers‘ (12 May 2016). As is essentially ‘par for the course’ , the article implies that all victims of domestic violence are female.

The next cab off the rank was the ALP in ‘Federal Election 2016 Campaign: Bill Shorten promises $65 million funding boost to family violence services‘ (14 May 2016)

“Labor will provide funding certainty to frontline family violence organisations if it wins government, Bill Shorten has promised. The Opposition Leader has committed $65 million over six years to ensure 1800 RESPECT, Our Watch and Australia’s National Research Organisation for Women’s Safety (ANROWS) can continue their work in tackling family violence.”

Again, each of the major Australian political parties is unambiguously pro-feminist, regardless of how overtly they choose to express it. At this point none of these parties have chosen to raise awareness of, or to provide practical support for, male victims of domestic violence.

During an otherwise tedious and predictable campaign at least Mark Latham entertained via poking pins into feminist/white knight thought bubbles.

Further coverage of gender issues during the campaign:

Feminist group ‘Fair Agenda‘ compiled their own scorecard on how the parties stack up in relation to domestic violence. You can probably guess that their criteria differ from my own.

Here is the election wish-list of another feminist group, the ‘Australian Women Against Violence Alliance‘. They sent me a tweet stating “All victims should have access to support” yet there is no mention of male victims here.

Suicide prevention funding not reaching men says Labor senator (16 June 2016)

Bill Shorten speech launching Labor’s gender equality policy (11 June 2016) Bill uses the word ‘men’ five times versus 55 times in the case of ‘women’. Whilst Australian women get reassurance, support and encouragement, the men get this:

“men who have harmed them and their children”
“men rely on women for childcare”
“childcare remains a responsibility that Australian men too often unfairly leave to Australian women”
“25 per cent of women nominate a lack of childcare as their reason for leaving the workforce. In the case of men, it is 3 per cent.”
“It is primitive and wrong that women are paying the mortgage on houses occupied by men who have harmed them and their children”

The ALP sees providing a myriad of policies to support women whilst providing none to address men’s issues as “gender equality”. But wait, there’s more.

Bill goes on to state that “Australia cannot afford six Liberal years of ‘budgets for blokes’.” Seriously Bill? You mean all that money lavished on the Ministry of Men’s Affairs? Oh wait, there isn’t one is there? In fact all I can see is hundreds of millions poured into organisations like these.

**I challenge Bill or any other ALP politician to add a comment to this post providing examples of current federal budgetary allocations which they feel only benefit “blokes”**

Bill has also promised a hand-out for women’s health. Real men don’t get sick right, mate? {insert gratuitous joke about ‘man-flu’ here}

What might political parties include in their electoral platforms if, you know, they gave a damn about men and boys? In this paper a fellow put forward some ideas in relation to the 2015 UK election.

Female journalists expose barrage of federal election sexist abuse (1 July 2016) With just one example of alleged abuse provided in this and the linked article, and no details provided regarding online abuse of male reporters, it’s hardly convincing case of a campaign of gendered trolling.

Despite the rhetoric, this election fails the feminist test (28 June 2016) The word ‘women’ appears 17 times in this piece by rusted-on feminist Eva Cox (‘men’ = 0 btw). But it’s ok, as we are reassured that “feminist issues are about a better society for all, not just advancing women in a male defined world”. And while feminists want more, they are being offered a veritable buffet compared to the situation for men/boys.

“While both the Liberal Party and the Labor Party have issued women’s policy documents, these are strong on equality rhetoric but short on the continuing gender inequities, instead offering some funding to fix service problems.” What a shame that the dog chewed the corresponding men’s policy documents.

Election 2016: Labor commits $88 million to provide safe houses for domestic violence victims (11 June 2016)

The f-word enters the campaign and trips up both major parties (8 June 2016)

Malcolm Turnbull declares himself a feminist and chokes up over his family history, Turnbull finds it easy to declare himself a feminist, and Grandfather PM talks up the power of girls (6 June 2016)

Australian Brotherhood of Fathers election campaign round-up (2 June 2016)

Gender differences in voting intentions in the current campaign as of 16 May 2016

Gender differences in voting patterns in previous Australian elections

‘Powerful coalition of women call for both parties to stop their war on women‘ (17 May 2016) The election campaign demands of one feminist organisation (WEL)

Why neither party should ignore gender in this election (13 May 2016)

Domestic violence: Rosie Batty launches Australian election campaign push (5 May 2016)

Finally, a quick glimpse of what’s happening in the U.S Presidential campaign: here and here. This UK article is entitled ‘Why are men’s issues consistently ignored in electoral manifestos?‘ (29 May 2017)

Here is Bill Shorten’s take on domestic violence – notice how much attention he offers re: male victims. (July 2017)

It looks like the 2019 federal campaign may see gender issues given a higher profile, though I suspect purely employing the feminist perspective. Here was the first shot fired … (more details here)

Shorten promises $400 million to boost women’s superannuation (19 September 2018)

Elsewhere in this blog you might also be interested in the following posts:

Partners in alms: A primer on the ‘Domestic Violence Industry’

Australian taxpayer-funded organisations that do little/nothing for men (other than demonising them)

Dealing with mens issues – The current situation in Australia

Sadly, Australian politicians only find the courage to criticise the feminist lobby after they retire

A couple of queries concerning ‘Balancing the future: The Australian Public Service gender equality strategy 2016-19’

The Australian Government recently launched ‘Balancing the Future: Australian Public Service Gender Equality Strategy 2016–19‘.

The Strategy “sets out actions for driving high performance and boosting productivity in the Australian Public Service (APS). It is a strategy for harnessing the best talent, changing cultures, and challenging assumptions that hold us back.”

On Wednesday 11 May 2016 I sent the following email to diversity@apsc.gov.au:

“The statement below extracted from your report only provides one supporting reference, a dead hyperlink to a WGEA paper. The WGEA is notable as an organisation that employs almost no men (despite espousing the need for gender balance), and for its strong feminist bias.

“A growing body of research shows that:

organisations with the most gender equality outperform those with the least,
increasing the proportion of women in leadership roles is associated with better financial performance, and
gender equality in teams promotes an environment where innovation can flourish.”

Are you able to provide any concrete examples of this “growing body of research” you speak of? I am not aware of any studies that show anything more than some correlation between, for example, business performance and the presence of senior female managers. Refer http://www.fighting4fair.com/uncategorized/companies-with-women-at-the-helm-perform-better-afeministsaidso/

The other factor that I would appreciate some feedback about is the practical meaning of “gender equality” in the report. It seems that the meaning used only considers the female side of the equation, that is gender equality exists at any point beyond 50% female participation.

Therefore, for example, an organisation comprising 75% female staff is portrayed as gender equal, despite the fact that from a male perspective the situation is not equal at all. Moreover it would seem that even when more than 50% staff overall are female, unless the most well-remunerated ranks of the organisation are also 50%+ female, then there is still not gender equality. This certainly does give the impression that the report itself suffers from a significant degree of gender bias.

I look forward to receiving your response at your earliest convenience. Thank you”

Now, dear readers, let’s sit back with a cup of tea and see what (if anything) they come back with.

Check back later as I’ll post any response here.

On 17 May 2016 I received the following response:

“Thank you for your email and interest in the APS Gender Equality Strategy. The link you referred to has been updated and further links added.

In relation to your other query, the Strategy seeks to address gender imbalance across the APS, at all classifications and in all agencies—no matter the direction of any current imbalance. Agencies are expected to set stretch targets for gender equality across all leadership levels and business areas in the context of their existing gender distribution. The Strategy also emphasises increased access to flexible work arrangements for all employees, regardless of gender.

I hope this information is useful to you.

Diversity Policy – Employment policy Group
Australian Public Service Commission”

A number of the additional references cited are already listed in my blog post referred to earlier, and are not considered as providing conclusive evidence that female management was the *cause* of improved organisational performance. I look forward to reviewing the additional references provided, of which I was previously unaware.

Van Badham’s eye roll: Just hysterical

My post today begins with a panel discussion entitled ‘Have men become second-class citizens’ that featured on the ‘Sunrise’ TV program in Australia.

“Miranda Devine, Mark Latham, Van Badham and Rory Gibson join Sunrise to discuss if women are receiving preferential treatment in today’s society, and if feminism is responsible for men feeling displaced.”

Mark Latham spoke out strongly in the affirmative sparking the usual immediate backlash. Guardian Australia columnist and feminist activist Vanessa ‘Van’ Badham also upset a few people with her anti-male comments, and subsequently received a slew of feedback via social media. You can review her Twitter account to get a sense of the nature of that feedback. I didn’t notice anything of a particularly hurtful or threatening nature. Indeed, the comments she received were considerably tamer than the noisome effluence that is Van’s contribution to social media.

Nevertheless, Van Badham issued the following tweet:

Just as with Clementine Ford, it seems to a case of those who launch the most mud and the sharpest barbs, squealing the loudest when someone dares return fire.

Anyway, shortly thereafter I issued a few tweets in relation to the Sunrise program, one of which is shown below. These were not in response to tweets posted by Van Badham (with whom I have never previously communicated), nor were they specifically directed at her. No matter, because I had revealed myself as being one of ‘them’ rather than one of ‘us’.

Van Badham chose to respond by alerting an Australian law firm who apparently use a marketing slogan “We fight for fair“. She did so in the vain hope of involving me in some sort of legal wrangle. And in so doing she earnt a ‘like’ from her feminist colleague, journalist Wendy Tuohy, who features elsewhere in this blog.

So this is how strong independent women behave? No, but it’s how feminists behave.

This illustrates, yet again, that the default position of most feminists is to do whatever it takes to divert attention away from key issues and discourage public discussion thereof. And this means shutting-down and/or isolating dissenters as quickly possible, one example of this are ongoing coordinated campaigns to shut down anti-feminist Facebook pages.

Why? Because they know that their best hope of retaining credibility/power is to keep as many people as possible from recognising the expansive chasm between the ‘dictionary definition’ of feminism, and what is actually being said and done by real-world feminists. Discussion can lead to enlightenment, whilst shunning and censorship is more likely to preserve the status quo.

But of course feminists won’t come out and admit that. They attempt to rationalise their unwillingness to respond to opposing viewpoints in other ways. In this article concerning the same TV program, Clementine Ford states:

“We need to stop wading into these debates and understand that we lose nothing by refusing to participate. We are under no obligation to defend our feminist ideals from anybody, and we certainly have no responsibility to try to ‘prove’ the necessity of them to those who feel threatened by them.”

Those who have taken the time to read other posts in this blog would have noted that the theme of feminist-imposed censorship emerges again and again in the context of many gender-related issues. This is, in itself, a blazing ‘red flag’ with respect to the true nature of contemporary feminism.

Van Badham then joined that rather pathetic group of feminists/SJW who have blocked me from their social media accounts simply for questioning aspects of the misguided ideology to which they still desperately cling …

Shun this person who doesn’t support feminism! Unclean! Unclean!

And predictably Van then demands the opportunity to share, what will no doubt be, a long drawn-out procession of ‘last words’ on the issue:

I have sympathy for Mark Latham. He’s barking at a cloud that’s passed him by (4 May 2016)

Van Badham and Steve Price went head-to-head on Q&A (12 July 2016) See also this article in The Age. Response from Steve Price here.

Van Badham reveals ugly response to Steve Price’s comments about her (14 July 2016) And of course, her own words and behaviour played no role whatsoever with regards to the subsequent public reaction. Yup, sure. Let’s make it all about Steve … and misogyny. And to suggest that Steve’s solitary off-the-cuff comment constitutes “demonisation” is absurd posturing on Van’s part.

Look what I found in a Reddit discussion thread about Van Badham’s stouch with Steve Price … apparently Van wanted to put Tony Abbott underwater. Wait, where have a heard a comment like that before? Oh yes, Eddie McGuire.

From The Spectator, ‘Van Badham and the ugly facts of an ugly matter‘ (15 July 2016)

Readers might care to seek out a tweet by @RitaPanahi on 12 July 2016 for further examples of what Ms Badham considers appropriate to dish out (but not receive). Gems such as:

And on a parting note, an item by Andrew Bolt entitled ‘How Van Badham attacks even children‘ (2 March 2017).

A dozen of western culture’s most historic documents (Feminism v Patriarchy)

It irritates me immensely when I read how, according to certain feminist ‘scholars’, men have supposedly crapped all over human history. The underlying theme is generally one featuring the systematic oppression of women set against a backdrop of endless testosterone-fuelled wars … and how much different and better the world would be were women calling all the shots.

I’m no historian, but I understand that there are more than a few holes in the feminist version of history, see for example, ‘European Queens waged more wars than kings‘.

Consider the documents listed below, as another example. Are they evidence of a disgraceful white male hedgemony? Hateful artifacts of toxic masculinity? Or high points of human civilisation of which we can all be proud?

The Holy Bible The bible that we know today is believed to represent the fruits of approximately forty male authors.

The Magna Carta (UK, 1215) The content of the Magna Carta was drafted by Archbishop Stephen Langton and the most powerful Barons of England.

The English Bill of Rights (UK, 1689) The Bill of Rights was a collectively authored document. Since it was based on the Declaration of Rights, authorship can be attributed to the Convention Parliament, which was the first parliament convened following the arrival of William of Orange in England. The Convention Parliament comprised members who had been in Charles II’s last Parliament, which he had dissolved in 1681.

The Declaration of Independence (USA, 1776) Although we know Thomas Jefferson as the true author, the Second Continental Congress initially appointed five people to draw up a declaration. The committee included Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, Roger Sherman, Robert Livingston and Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson was then given the task of writing a draft for the Declaration of Independence.

The Constitution (USA, 1788) The Constitution was written in the summer of 1787 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, by delegates from 12 states. It created a federal system with a national government composed of 3 separated powers, and included both reserved and concurrent powers of states. The president of the Constitutional Convention, the body that framed the new government, was George Washington, though James Madison is known as the “Father of the Constitution” because of his great contributions to the formation of the new government. Gouverneur Morris wrote the Constitution’s final language.

The Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen (France, 1789) Passed by France’s National Constituent Assembly in August 1789, the Declaration is a fundamental document of the French Revolution and in the history of human and civil rights. The Declaration was directly influenced by Thomas Jefferson, working with General Lafayette, who introduced it. Influenced also by the doctrine of “natural right”, the rights of man are held to be universal: valid at all times and in every place, pertaining to human nature itself. It became the basis for a nation of free individuals protected equally by law. The Declaration was a core statement of the values of the French Revolution and had a major impact on the development of freedom and democracy in Europe and worldwide.

The Bill of Rights (USA, 1791) Written by James Madison in response to calls from several states for greater constitutional protection for individual liberties, the Bill of Rights lists specific prohibitions on governmental power. The Virginia Declaration of Rights, written by George Mason, strongly influenced Madison.

The Gettysburg Address by Abraham Lincoln (USA, 1863). The Gettysburg Address is perhaps the most famous speech in American history. Given by President Lincoln at the dedication of the Gettysburg national cemetery on November 19, 1863, the speech initially met with a mixed reception (the anti-Lincoln Chicago Times wrote, “The cheek of every American must tingle with shame as he reads the silly, flat and dish-watery utterances of the man who has to be pointed out to intelligent foreigners as the President of the United States”), but it has since become universally acclaimed as distilling the essence of the Civil War into a handful of sentences.

The Emancipation Proclamation by Abraham Lincoln (USA, 1863). The document proclaimed all slaves in Confederate-held areas “perpetually” free, and fundamentally altered the nature of the Civil War by making the abolition of slavery a primary Union war aim. The document, as it only applied to areas not under federal control, has been criticized for being a stop-gap or temporary measure, but recently — especially given the 150th anniversary of the Proclamation — it has enjoyed a renewed reputation as one of the most radical documents in American history.

The Marshall Plan speech by George Marshall (USA, 1947). When George Marshall gave the commencement address for Harvard University on June 5, 1947, he outlined a policy that would rebuild war-torn Europe. The Marshall Plan speech “set in motion a chain of events that resulted in the greatest foreign aid program in history,” wrote a reader, and for that alone it merits nomination, but, as another reader wrote, the result of that program would be to “usher in one of the greatest periods of prosperity in modern history.”

The ‘I have a dream’ speech by Martin Luther King (USA, 1963) The “I Have a Dream” speech, ranked by scholars as the greatest speech of the twentieth century remains iconic to this very day. The most famous part of the speech, where King describes his dream, was largely improvised on the spot.

And what literature might feminists hold up in return? Perhaps gems like:

The SCUM Manifesto (USA, 1967) “The SCUM Manifesto is a radical feminist manifesto by Valerie Solanas, published in 1967. It argues that men have ruined the world, and that it is up to women to fix it. To achieve this goal, it suggests the formation of SCUM, an organization dedicated to overthrowing society and eliminating the male sex.”

The term “SCUM” appeared on the cover of the first edition from Olympia Press as “S.C.U.M.” and was said to stand for “Society for Cutting Up Men”. Solanas objected, insisting that it was not an acronym, although the expanded term appeared in a Village Voice ad she had written in 1967. Solanas held a series of recruitment meetings for SCUM at the Chelsea Hotel where she lived, but a decade later insisted that the organization was “just a literary device” and never really existed. The Manifesto was little-known until Solanas attempted to kill Andy Warhol in 1968.

All I am saying here is how about we give credit where credit is due and build upon, rather than seek to diminish, the outstanding contributions made by our forebears.

Women can, and should, join with men in creating a better world for our children. By the same token it is in no way contradictory for me to state that I am not prepared to sit down and bear passive witness to feminists leading us into a glorious new age of … hmm … sexism, narcissism and profanity?

On Spousal Maintenance, Alimony & Child Support

Much of the information in this blog post was previously included in an earlier post entitled ‘We’ve all heard of the gender ‘income gap’, but what about the ‘expense gap’?‘

The topic does, however, warrants its own post given that it is a significant issue in a number of regards, including:

alimony represents a major financial burden which impacts primarily on men
as the number of cases of men claiming alimony rises the divergent manner in which the media reports the issue is highly illustrative of enduring gender stereotypes
the debate and political machinations surrounding alimony is a prime example of the extent to which feminist organisations oppose gender equality reforms that would benefit men.

The issue is also quite topical in the United States at the moment particularly in relation to the recently quashed legal reforms in Florida.

(Update: Florida Gov. DeSantis signs bill ending permanent alimony on 30 June 2023)

Both the terminology and nature of spousal maintenance/alimony varies from one country to the next, and even within the same country there may be significant variation from one state to the next. The primary focus on this post is the situation in the UK, Australia and the USA.

This woman created a stir by posting a video online presenting herself as a hard-done-by single mum. Then her ex-husband stepped in to address her fabrication (May 2024)

Parents failing to submit tax returns are skewing child support payments (25 June 2024) Pleasing to see journalists (from the ABC too!) acknowledging that parents who fail to pay child support are not confined to so-called ‘dead-beat dads’

More and more women are paying alimony to ex-husbands and they’re really not happy about it (14 October 2023) Reddit MensRights discussion thread, which includes link to this 3 December 2021 newspaper article

Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner shock divorce settlement (20 September 2023)

Former Magistrate Rodney Higgins breaks silence about relationship with Ashleigh Petrie (news.com.au) (9 August 2021) See what happens if we reverse genders? The media applies the logic that if feminists get the outcome they want, then all is well and it’s not particularly newsworthy. Failing that, and we have ourselves some male oppression.

LOL. Twitter Feminists GO CRAZY After Kelly Clarkson Is Ordered To Pay Her Ex! This Is TRUE EQUALITY – YouTube (29 July 2021)

I dobbed in my ex for avoiding to pay child support – now he owes me $30K (29 June 2021) Try reversing the genders in this article and see what reaction you’ll get

“It’s wrong and it’s extortion”: Halle Berry says it’s wrong for parents to use children to live a lifestyle they did not earn (9 February 2021) USA. This is mainly about child support rather than alimony, but it’s great to see some sympathy for men being expressed.

RHOBH’s Erika Jayne wants spousal support and legal fees paid after divorcing Tom Girardi, 81 (11 November 2020)

Finnish man ordered by court to pay alimony for a child resulting from his wife cheating with another man (19 October 2020)

Unable To Pay Maintenance To Fully Abled Wife, Court Sentences Man To 480-Days In Jail (29 January 2020)

Adele’s rumoured divorce settlement is *not* equality at work (9 April 2020)

Camille Grammer Awarded Half of Ex-Husband Kelsey Grammer’s Retirement Fund (3 November 2017) See reader’s comments

Why do most men want their wives to help their economic progress, but not ensure anything in return? (12 June 2017) This thread looks at the argument in favor of alimony.

I’m fighting my ex-wife for every person who’s been shafted by Britain’s divorce courts’ (4 June 2017) UK

Men ‘bullied’ out of generous divorce settlements by breadwinning wives (4 March 2017)

‘I’m NOT a gold digger’: The ex-wife vilified as a cold, cunning chancer after winning a huge rise in maintenance payments 15 YEARS after her divorce blasts back and says it’s all her ex’s fault (13 February 2017) UK

‘Divorced men doomed to life as a cash machine‘ by Martin Daubney (12 February 2017)

‘Reliable honest’ husband who handed his wife, 51, all of his ready cash in a divorce 15 years ago is told he must up her maintenance after she blows the lot on ‘unwise property investments’ (7 February 2017) UK

Fashion tycoon’s ex-wife wins £2.7m slice of his fortune more than a DECADE after they divorced as judge condemns him as a liar (26 January 2017)

Wife’s Capability To Earn No Reason To Reduce Maintenance Awarded To Her (20 January 2017) India

Custody, Child Support, and Alimony in the 50 States (2016)

Cancer center founder’s ex-wife seeks $400K/month as divorce trial opens (19 October 2016) USA

Men will only get equality in custody cases when women face some hard truths(26 August 2016) Ireland

“The family law researcher observed 493 judicial separation and divorce cases in 2010, which are ordinarily held in private. But she couldn’t find a single case where the wife was ordered to pay maintenance for children or a spouse, and had only seen the courts order joint custody in two cases.”

Don’t Blame Divorce on Money. Ask: Did the Husband Have a Job? (28 July 2016) Men, get ready for a triple whammy … employment redundancy->divorce->divorce rape/alimony (->suicide?)

Rich wives being told to get a job as judges clamp down on ‘meal ticket’ divorces – lawyers (20 July 2016) UK

Former millionaire brands UK laws unfair to men after divorce judges gave ALL his money to his ex-wife and threatened him with jail if he didn’t pay maintenance (15 July 2016)

A letter to … my wife, who won’t get a job while I work myself to death (2 July 2016) The flip side of this coin – the exploitation of many men begins long before they get divorced.

Supermodel Christina Estrada Wants Ex to Pay for Her $262 Million Lifestyle (29 June 2016) and she only gets 75 million pounds. Boo hoo! “The legal process had been “incredibly bruising and distressing,” she added.”

Father’s dying ‘wish’ voids woman’s divorce payout, say judges (11 June 2016) Australia

Are all women gold-diggers? (27 May 2016)

Johnny Depp protects $400 million fortune as he rejects Amber Heard’s request for spousal support in divorce papers (26 May 2016) No pre-nup … what were you thinking Johnny? And Amber, married only 15 months and already wealthy yet still feels justified in sticking out her paw for $50,000/month spousal support … ewww. Apparently she burns through $43,000/month (further details here). Hard on the heels of Johnny’s rejection of spousal support came Amber’s accusation of domestic violence (see here, here, and here) – but might this be a lie? Never fear, Clementine Ford knows who’s naughty and who’s nice (hint: vagina=nice). Alyssa knows he’s guilty too. So that’s at least two feminists. Jail the cad! And as for those women close to Johny speaking up in his defence – clearly, suffering from internalised misogyny.

David Hasselhoff No More Alimony!!! I Want to Retire (18 April 2016) Fair? Of course it isn’t – the word parasite springs to mind

Florida alimony profits and child custody litigation preserved by governor’s veto (16 April 2016)

Rosenblum: As times change, should alimony change, too? (25 March 2016)

Afeni Shakur And Whether Or Not Men Deserve Alimony (18 March 2016) USA

Florida Bar Association says it no longer supports alimony-reform bill it helped write (16 March 2016)

Divorcee wins 90 per cent of husband’s wealth in bitter court battle (14 March 2016) UK, with related Reddit discussion thread here. See Janet Bloomfield’s (a respected female MHRA) response to this judgement here.

Group pushes male-dominated S.C. Legislature to change permanent alimony law (1 March 2016) USA

The 11 richest women in Britain who mostly got their wealth through marriage (9 February 2016)

Family court robs men and demeans women by splitting property equally when a marriage ends (6 February 2016) Australia

Report: NJ woman sued for writing ‘bum’ and ‘loser’ on ex-spouse’s alimony checks (19 December 2015) More on this case in this discussion thread and linked article

John Cleese feels ‘free to do the things that interest him’ after paying off £12million divorce settlement to ex wife Alyce Faye Eichelberger (26 November 2015)

Breadwinning Women Are Driving Alimony Reform (18 November 2015) and related reddit discussion thread

Even though 37% of women earn more money than their husbands, only 3% of divorced men receive alimony (30 June 2015) Reddit discussion thread

Retired farmer must pay more in alimony than monthly income, Nebraska Supreme Court rules (27 June 2015)

Divorce Math: She gets 60%, plus alimony, plus “child” support, plus probably attorney fees (April 2015) Reddit mens rights discussion thread

Jason and Amanda Dufner divorce after three years of marriage (31 March 2015) Amanda gets a million a year … for what exactly?

Construction tycoon left ‘homeless’ after ex-wife wins 80% of his property in divorce (26 March 2015)

Forced to pay for a child that DNA proves isn’t his (24 March 2015)

Wife seeks more alimony over ex’s new lookalike girlfriend (20 March 2015) and related reddit mensrights discussion thread

Former hippy wins right to claim ex’s post-divorce wealth (12 March 2015) The same court ruling is also discussed in this article (15 March 2015)

Are Moms Less Likely Than Dads To Pay Child Support? (26 February 2015)

Divorced wife told to get a job and stop living off her ex-husband (23 February 2015)

Woman sues ex-husband for a share of wealth he made years after they divorced (9 December 2014)

Why Do So Few Men Get Alimony? (20 November 2014) USA

Working woman in /r/legaladvice divorcing and is horrified that she has to give part-time-working ex-husband half her assets (15 November 2014)

Ex-wife of US oil baron to appeal $1 billion divorce award (13 November 2014)

State Orders Man to Pay $30,000 in Welfare Benefits for Child Both Mother and DNA Test Say isn’t his (24 October 2014)

Deadbeat moms? Should mothers be required to pay child support? (20 April 2014) and related reddit mensrights discussion thread

Jail Becomes Home for Husband Stuck With Lifetime Alimony (27 August 2013)

Halle Berry’s Child-Support Fight: Female Breadwinners Can’t Have It Both Ways (20 October 2014)

Businessman is ordered to pay £28,500 to ex-girlfriend in landmark court ruling because he led her to believe he would look after her for life (17 October 2014)

Veteran chooses jail over giving his disability money to ex-wife (17 September 2014)

Alimony is broken – But let’s not fix it (1 September 2014)

Who’s the Daddy? (23 October 2010) and related reddit discussion thread. Paternity testing should be mandatory where child support is sought – why is this idea being opposed?

The New Art of Alimony (31 October 2009)

I just love how a “prominent family lawyer” recently emerged from the woodwork to call for new pre-nuptial laws in Britain: “Lady Deech said on Radio 4’s Sunday Programme: ‘Lots of young women these days are working, earning well, and would feel it extremely unfair if a young man who they marry and perhaps leaves them is going to take with him a sizeable chunk of what they have worked so hard for.”

Oh, extremely Baroness! Presumably you’ve silently observed countless men get fleeced over past decades, but now that some women have moved into the position of primary bread-winner in the family, it’s suddenly time to act. Oh and have a read about what happened to Ms Luckwell.

And now for a bit of male-shaming:

“Bristol’s rep David Martin slammed Meyer for seeking child support despite being a decorated member of the Marine Corps that has received the Congressional Medal of Honor. “My values are such that a real American hero doesn’t ask for child support,” said Martin.” (Source)

Now consider the gall/hypocrisy of this feminist journalist as she berates a man who obtained a court-ordered settlement upon divorce (+ related reddit discussion thread).

On spousal maintenance in Australia

Give Your Money To Women: The End Game of Capitalism (10 August 2015)